My wife's feelings, and her response


#1

Whenever I don't exactly do as my wife pleases, her only and entire response is extreme anger. Her only reaction to these feelings is to tell me she hates me and doesn't love me, and that she is miserable and, either, wishes I were gone, or says she is going to leave me. She then calls anyone who will listen, telling them how horrible I am. Lord, please give me patience. I'll admit I'm not the perfect husband, but who is, aside from Saint Joseph the husband of Mary.


#2

Communication in marriage is indeed a difficult thing to work on. I'm working on that specifically in my life right, because I'm just too accommodating. Not just with my husband, but all my life. It was explained to me, and it's pretty simple, that if one person is constantly "winning" and the spouse is constantly "losing," someone's going to be very, very unhappy. Couples shouldn't play the win/lose game because it can go sour super quickly.

Have you tried compromise? "Sure, honey, I'll do X now, but let's go and do Y later on." Do you tell her what things you'd like to do, or things you want her to do; or do you "ask" her? She should know that you have feelings too, and it's got to be a two-way street.

I'm sure she doesn't hate you. It sounds like she's using that the get you to do what she wants you to do. It's hard not to feel bad when she goes calling other people, but it's really a form of manipulation. Why is she so unhappy? It's not because of you [not doing what she wants]. Could be a deeper issue. . .you're in our prayers.


#3

My friend, I'm so sorry about this. Your in my prayers.

The behavior of wife must stop. It's not fair to you at all.

This ladies, is one of the best ways to destroy a releationship. Keep dirty laundry inside, and badmouthing your husband is a disgusting habit. How would you like it if he did the same to you?

Can you two get some martial therapy? In particular from someone who will see both sides of the issues?


#4

There are two sides to every story... but regardless of that, we can not help you here. Your difficulties could be caused by all manner of things.

Tell her that you love her, how sorry you are that you have disappointed her, that you would like to go to counseling together to sort through the problems because she is the most important person in your life and ask if she would be willing to do so. Find good Catholic counselors (ask your priest). Offer your wife alternative counselors (male/female, distance, etc.) and what times would be best for her. Do all this from love, without any other feelings interfering (which would surely torpedo your effort).

Do not meet her half way. Go far, far beyond that.


#5

[quote="traillius, post:1, topic:243208"]
Whenever I don't exactly do as my wife pleases, her only and entire response is extreme anger. Her only reaction to these feelings is to tell me she hates me and doesn't love me, and that she is miserable and, either, wishes I were gone, or says she is going to leave me. She then calls anyone who will listen, telling them how horrible I am. Lord, please give me patience. I'll admit I'm not the perfect husband, but who is, aside from Saint Joseph the husband of Mary.

[/quote]

It has become sad that most of the response's you'll get are..."there are two sides of this story...we aren't qualified to comment...", when a women in distress gets the usual "it is abuse...". I can't even stomach it anymore. Brother, if you don't have kids, get your self out of there. Peace.


#6

Tralius this has been going on a long time. And you do have kids right? And your wife is sick isn't she? Are you in the US?

Call catholic social services, your priest and county mental health. Demand resources to help. But are you prepared to make very hard choices to end your kid's exposure to poison?


#7

[quote="monicatholic, post:6, topic:243208"]
Tralius this has been going on a long time. And you do have kids right? And your wife is sick isn't she? Are you in the US?

Call catholic social services, your priest and county mental health. Demand resources to help. But are you prepared to make very hard choices to end your kid's exposure to poison?

[/quote]

Thank you for supporting this guy. Trallius, there aren't many options for your situation. Most case's of abuse are for women in this situation and rightly so. It is a tough situation when a guy finds himself in this situation. You can put up with the teardowns or you can git, it is up to you. Don't tear her down though. Respect yourself more then that. Prayers out.


#8

I don't believe there is anything you could do to fix this. You don't need patience, friend; you must already have it if you are still there! What you need is a miracle. No amount of comprimise will fix her, no amount of laying down will ever fix the broken thing inside of her. It will take a miracle.

This isn't a communication issue, this is a respect issue.

If you have children, you need to ask yourself how you want their spouses to treat them in the future. Children copy what they see. If you have a daughter, she's learning from her mother what it means to be a wife. If you have a son, he's learning what to expect from his future wife.

You must do the best thing for your children.

God's mercy and peace to you, friend.

Jedi


#9

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