Narcissistic Personality Disorder


#1

Does anyone know a person who by the Grace of God has been healed from this terrible disorder?

The key indicator for a person with this disorder is that they have an inability to relate or empathize with another's feelings, pain, situation, needs. In other words, they have a disability that prevents them from being in a reciprocal loving healthy relationship.

Thanks,

A


#2

My X was diagnosed as a narcissist which one reason he is my X.

Dulcissima has researched this disorder and has quite a lot of information on it. Hopefully she will chime in.

These are extremely difficult people to be married to for sure. I'll remember you in prayers.


#3

Just curious... how ever did you get your ex in-front of a therapist long enough to be diagnosed?


#4

I didn't. It was after about 5 years of marriage that I found mental health papers. It seems that his parents had taken him to seek professional help when he was a teen. He was also diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. I dated him long distance for 2 years and didn't really see anything and maybe that's because it was a long distance romance for the most part, but still either he hid it well or I was the dumbest girl around. I did notice he was a little quirky at times but always told myself I was nuts! LOL!

His parents finally told me when I presented them with the papers. I was devastated and a little miffed that this was not mentioned beforehand as it would have answered a few of his quirky attitudes. I stuck it out for a long time hoping he'd get help and tried to help the best I could but in the end he was just too much to deal with. Never have children with this sort as they are very jealous of anyone that takes up time away from them. At least this was true in my marriage.

He wanted to be the ONLY child. Prayers will be said this evening.


#5

[quote="Andrea22, post:1, topic:206512"]
Does anyone know a person who by the Grace of God has been healed from this terrible disorder?

[/quote]

I know a few people with the disorder, but it's one of those disorders that is usually never treated, because of it's nature. It's like the unforgivable sin of final impenitence.


#6

I'm afraid not. My dad's psychiatrist treats a lot of patients with it because he works in a womens' prison, and he says it is one of the most difficult disorders to deal with. By its very nature the people that have it are not able to be self-reflective in a meaningful way.


#7

I have been married for almost 24 years to a narcissist -- i had him move out 9 months ago because he can't understand why our teen daughters don't want him looking at their 'parts' for his sexual pleasure and doesn't have clue one about a healthy relationship with anyone. I am the totally stupid one who let him make me believe I was always asking for too much from him, wanting something more than a 'business' relationship in our marriage, for wanting someone to share my heart with, for expecting him to be true to our marriage vows, etc. We have 6 children -- ages 22 on down to 5yo -- and once our oldest daughter started getting curvy and his eyes were always going to her breasts and bottom and when I questioned him he explained that no one should care because he wasn't 'doing anything', well, that's when I decided, Catholic or not, I couldn't allow my daughters to live with that, and I've gradually become strong enough to realize I should not have to live this way either. I pray for a miracle to change him, but I really don't expect him to change enough to ever care about anyone but himself. And he doesn't have a clue what I mean when I talk about caring either. I wouldn't wish this 'marriage' on anyone. If you can get out, get out now.


#8

I know at least one person with this disorder, and one of my parents may have been cursed with it.

As with sociopaths, the treatment scenario does not seem hopeful. It’s not something you did—it’s something they are.


#9

I believe my father has this disorder. Very difficult to live with or talk to someone with this problem.


#10

I have long suspected that my ex-wife (she left me, after 10 years) has this disorder, as many of the signs are there. One thing that just never made any sense to me was her indifference, bordering on contempt, for the childrens' feelings - if they stood in the way of her doing what she wanted, she just sneered at them. Of course, she treated me the same way, but that's within the "normal" range of human failings, however to do it to one's kids seems patholigical.

Something that really puzzled me with her, and other narcissists I've met, is that they can be very, very charming - they seem to be able to "fake" empathy when it suits them. How do they do this, if they have no real empathy for other people?

Can they change? Here's her story: she was a committed protestant, who became a Catholic during our engagent. I thought that she fully understood the religion, and embraced it happily. Soon after marriage she discarded it, without any apparent care for the matter, just because it no longer suited her (and it had served its purpose...). Of course, she's never repented of that, or anything else she's done, and seems quite happy with her track record. She feels that everyone she's hurt deserved what they got, and the most important thing is that she has been "true to myself". She's seems to have breezed her way through life, with no regrets, and no real hardship (because she doesn't care). I suspect she will die that way, as there seems to be no chink in the armour, no point at which she can start think "I have to give up something I want, because I am not entitled to it".


#11

That does sound very much like NPD.

Charming to a fault---to outsiders! To family members, hellish. And utterly unable to really feel empathy, or even why he/she should give up any want, for any reason.


#12

Oh my--you have nailed it well. Exceptionally charming. HIs parents told me he was very charming as a child too---almost badseedish. His siblings would not play with him because he became violent in play and disregard him to this day. As an adult, he would take everything to the limit and NOT care. I was fearful for our little boy and NEVER left him alone with him. He was an ace at belitting, and terrorizing. ONLY selfserving and yes, they are able to FAKE empathy if it gets them what they are after otherwise they wouldn't spit on you if you are on fire.

Edmundus: These quotes from you were also all to true in my case. Just change the she/her to he/him and your telling my story too.

"One thing that just never made any sense to me was her indifference, bordering on contempt, for the childrens' feelings - if they stood in the way of her doing what she wanted,

"and the most important thing is that she has been "true to myself"."

If things/people did not suit him or serve his purpose he also discarded them without a thought.

I never understood what was wrong with him until I found those papers and then things fell into place for me. Being married to him was the darkest time in my life.

The day I had him taken away was the beginning of the new life---for me and my son. Thank you God.

OP: I have you in prayers.


#13

Thankyou, to those who responded to me, and to the others in this thread. This is a most painful topic, and it helps, VERY MUCH, to share.

Andrea (OP), I am guessing that you, or someone you know, is going through it now. As you can see, the prognosis is poor that the narcissist will ever see themselves as having a problem. The only problems they see are other people not giving them the recognition and attention they deserve. However, with God, there is always hope, even if the way is not clear.

As much as you would like to “diagnose” your spouse, my advise it to focus on preserving your own sanity, self-respect, and future. And your childrens’, if applicable. Use whatever legal, physical or moral support you have. However, you are dealing with a person who, when confronted with losing his/her spouse and family, will treat it like any other “affront” to their superiority, and will probably fight tooth and nail to keep that which he (or she) has previously disdained, and which they will happily discard - at a time of THEIR chosing.

I had a look in Amazon for relevant books, and there seem to be a few. This one looked particularly good. Check out the first user review - it should ring a few bells! :slight_smile: :frowning:

You are all in my prayers,

Edmundus


#14

[quote="Sailor_Kenshin, post:11, topic:206512"]
That does sound very much like NPD.

Charming to a fault---to outsiders! To family members, hellish. And utterly unable to really feel empathy, or even why he/she should give up any want, for any reason.

[/quote]

Exactly.

My ex husband is a sociopath. There is no cure. If they show up for therapy it is usually to con whoever is sending them there.

There is NO empathy what so ever for anyone else. They are incapable of it. They cant be changed.. they simply are incapable of caring about another person .. but will fake it to use them to get whatever they want.


#15

Excellent resource, thanks.

Not all those with NPD are sociopaths, but all sociopaths seem to be afflicted with a form of NPD.


#16

[quote="Edmundus1581, post:13, topic:206512"]
Thankyou, to those who responded to me, and to the others in this thread. This is a most painful topic, and it helps, VERY MUCH, to share.

Andrea (OP), I am guessing that you, or someone you know, is going through it now. As you can see, the prognosis is poor that the narcissist will ever see themselves as having a problem. The only problems they see are other people not giving them the recognition and attention they deserve. However, with God, there is always hope, even if the way is not clear.

As much as you would like to "diagnose" your spouse, my advise it to focus on preserving your own sanity, self-respect, and future. And your childrens', if applicable. Use whatever legal, physical or moral support you have. However, you are dealing with a person who, when confronted with losing his/her spouse and family, will treat it like any other "affront" to their superiority, and will probably fight tooth and nail to keep that which he (or she) has previously disdained, and which they will happily discard - at a time of THEIR chosing.

I had a look in Amazon for relevant books, and there seem to be a few. This one looked particularly good. Check out the first user review - it should ring a few bells! :) :(

You are all in my prayers,

Edmundus

[/quote]

I filed for divorce in Feb. 2004. I am still not divorced. A sociopath/narcisist is notorious for dragging everything out and not caring even about breaking the law.
My ex walked out for the other woman and never looked back. Never saw our son again. Wouldnt show up for court.. refuses to follow any rules. My Husband of 13 years.

Be so careful if you ever divorce a sociopath.. there are books written about how divorcing a sociopath takes 10 times as long.

Oh and narcists/sociopaths will use religion as well.. so be careful... they will say anything with out remorse or guilt.

There is a blog.. www.lovefraud.com... reading the stories should sound familiar to anyone who has dealt with a narcisist/sociopath.


#17

[quote="Edmundus1581, post:13, topic:206512"]
I had a look in Amazon for relevant books, and there seem to be a few. This one looked particularly good.

[/quote]

I own it. It's the best. Most of the content is online at samvak.tripod.com/


#18

Oh and narcists/sociopaths will use religion as well..

Ditto for my narcissists (ex-wife, and one of her parents). They saw themselves as VERY highly principled people, and could be passionate about a "religious" principle - whenever it suited them.

It's quite amusing from a distance, but the victim is really going suffer for it. Firstly, narcissist doesn't say "I want..", but rather "You have to...", because of a self evident moral obligation on your part. So, there's no proportion to the debate (it could be about why he needs a $200 tie, rather than a $50 one), no scope for compromise. Secondly, their conviction that they are righteous people goes right to their core. They are supremely confident of it, and project that confidence to others, including you. You will always be second guessing any sort of resistance to their moral authority. "Perhaps I really do deserve the way he/she treats me", "Perhaps he/she really does care deeply about the children".


#19

"As much as you would like to "diagnose" your spouse, my advise it to focus on preserving your own sanity, self-respect, and future. And your childrens'"

Oh this is so very true. I wasted much too much time trying to figure him out. It took a lot of my energy and time that I could have spent in a much more productive way. But I was trying to preserve a marriage (I thought), trying to figure out what** I **kept doing wrong, until I took a better look at my son, he, his self worth, his dignity was being chipped away at by his own father. I knew then he and I had to get out if he was to have any joy in his life.

"when confronted with losing his/her spouse and family, will treat it like any other "affront" to their superiority, and will probably fight tooth and nail to keep that which he (or she) has previously disdained, and which they will happily discard - at a time of THEIR chosing."

Yes, this is exactly it. They will tell you/do anything they have to say or do to keep everything status quo UNTIL the time of their choosing even if they have to resort to violence which is exactly the path my X chose as one last ditch effort to control us/the "marriage". Only problem was he turned that violence on our 8yr old son and that was "the kiss of death." He was taken away that very day never to return and life is now peaceful. If you have children---DO NOT leave them alone with him even for one minute. These are dangerous people with NO self control.

Edmundus: You have an incredible take on all this. Prayers for you and for all dealing with this issue..


#20

[quote="horselvr, post:19, topic:206512"]
"As much as you would like to "diagnose" your spouse, my advise it to focus on preserving your own sanity, self-respect, and future. And your childrens'"

Oh this is so very true. I wasted much too much time trying to figure him out. It took a lot of my energy and time that I could have spent in a much more productive way. But I was trying to preserve a marriage (I thought), trying to figure out what** I **kept doing wrong, until I took a better look at my son, he, his self worth, his dignity was being chipped away at by his own father. I knew then he and I had to get out if he was to have any joy in his life.

"when confronted with losing his/her spouse and family, will treat it like any other "affront" to their superiority, and will probably fight tooth and nail to keep that which he (or she) has previously disdained, and which they will happily discard - at a time of THEIR chosing."

Yes, this is exactly it. They will tell you/do anything they have to say or do to keep everything status quo UNTIL the time of their choosing even if they have to resort to violence which is exactly the path my X chose as one last ditch effort to control us/the "marriage". Only problem was he turned that violence on our 8yr old son and that was "the kiss of death." He was taken away that very day never to return and life is now peaceful. If you have children---DO NOT leave them alone with him even for one minute. These are dangerous people with NO self control.

Edmundus: You have an incredible take on all this. Prayers for you too.

[/quote]

Wow...

My son was 11 at the time. My X was choking me in front of my son, my son just sat there like it was a normal day. That was it for me.

The last time my X saw our son he told him he would take his mother away.

There is definately no control... no remorse,... no conscience.. and they are pathological liars. My X told me he had stage 4 cancer, he said this to his wife of 13 years without blinking an eye. A total lie.... he didn't even have a cold.

I pray for all those dealing with this type of person. It is so hard to come to grips with knowing you are married to a person who has no real feelings what so ever for another human being.

It took years of therapy with a PHD who was an expert in sociopaths to help me understand.

God bless you all.


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