I’m a Senior in college. There is this girl who I met a couple of months ago, and I liked her since I met her. She is Catholic and a very good match for her major. I have spent time with her in groups (mostly with other Christians) and one-on-one. I think my body language and actions make it clear that I like her, at first against my will, and now intentionally. Her body language and actions seem to make it clear that she likes me also. (That is a bit of a guessing game, of course.)
We’ve been spending more one-on-one time recently, so that I think some clarification is needed in our relationship. In other words, it seems to me that I’ve already told her that I like her through my actions, and that not following up would string her along. The obvious step to take is to tell her that I like her (and hopefully she’ll like me back :D) and move slowly in an explicitly romantic relationship, a la youtube.com/watch?v=vvbzsi2fen0.
But I’m not sure. For one, I don’t care about her deeply, and I think this is because I don’t know her very well. I know this because I seem to care about her most through my attraction to her, and less through who she really is. I have other friends who I care about in the latter way, both male and female. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with this—I will grow to care about her deeply in due time. But should I start a relationship with someone I don’t care about deeply for who she is yet? I do care about her for who she is, just not deeply.
I also don’t admire her deeply. I’m not sure how to explain this, but there are a couple of female friends who I admire deeply in this sense, and I thought that I should date someone who I admired in that way. But I don’t. Maybe I don’t know her well enough?
Finally, I think that at the beginning of our friendship I put a lot of focus on trying to figure out if she was a good match for me. This put a lot of pressure on me to ask the right questions and present myself well. After some weeks, I noticed this and decided to build a friendship instead of screen her as a potential match. I think I succeeded for the most part. The thing is, I still don’t know if she’d be a good match for me. I don’t have enough data!
Maybe I am being too careful. My parents are divorced and remarried and I think I may be scared of making their mistake of moving too fast in a relationship with someone they weren’t compatible with. The only reason they stayed together for so long was their children!
Or maybe I’m being the right amount of careful. What do you think?
If I make the decision not to enter into a romantic relationship with her, how do you think I should handle it, given that I have practically already told her I like her through my actions (e.g. spend a lot of time with her, show her I care about her in a special way, look at her eyes for a bit longer than normal, touch her non-sexually, e.g. sparse tickling)? Ideally, it would be something that wouldn’t string her along while not completely closing off the possibility of dating in the future. Should I talk with her? Not say anything? Change my behavior?
Sorry for the essay. Hopefully I made up for it by splitting it into paragraphs.