Warning: long post.
Lately, the marriage-front has not been going too hot for hubby and I. Nothing serious, no we’re not going to get a divorce – not even an option – but we are having a very difficult time of it. Arguing constantly. Feelings of resentment.
I tend to think it’s because I am pregnant, stressed out and don’t get much help around the house. He says it’s because I fly off the handle and am “short” with him. (Which in all fairness is probably true, but it’s because I’m feeling stressed out, tired and don’t get much help around the house.) It’s a vicious cycle I think.
So, I guess I just want some clarity into the situation: am I expecting too much? Is it me? Do I need to get off the “pity pot?”
I work Monday through Friday 8:30 to 3:00 out of the home. I also have a “side job” where I can work from home and I put in about 4 hours a week doing that, so total, I log about 36 hours of “work.”
My “chores” are: cooking, main housecleaning, dishes and folding laundry… not to mention 90% of the child rearing. Hubby’s “chores” are yard work and emptying the trash. On Saturdays I ask him to help me clean the house by mopping the kitchen floors and cleaning the bathroom. DH works about 40-50 hours at a week at a construction job so I know he is tired when he gets home during the week.
My problem is I’m feeling very resentful because he gets home from work and supper is there waiting for him. After he eats, I clean up the kitchen while he has “play time” with the girls. After that, he pretty much goes and plunks on the couch in front of the TV and usually falls asleep by 8:30. In the meantime, I am tending to the kids, reading books, getting them in PJ’s, getting them tucked in and then I work on the computer for my side job.
DH and I have talked many times about how I am feeling (stressed, tired, resentful) but he doesn’t seem overly motivated to change. He gets angry that he has to help out around the house at all because he believes that’s a woman’s job. I agree, ideally/traditionally, that would be all fine and dandy, but then I need to be able to quit my job and be a stay-at-home mom! We can’t financially swing it and he knows that, but he still expects me to be the “traditional wife.”
Even when he does help, it’s not “quite right”. For example, last night, I was dead tired and asked DH to help our 3-year-old on the potty. He did. Well this morning, DD was moving the little potty and tipped it over, spilling pee all over the floor. DH didn’t empty the thing!!! So, I have a hard time accepting his help graciously because it usually leads to more work for me in the end! I don’t dare say anything to him though because he already thinks that he “can’t do anything right for me”.
I know I’m rambling and this is getting long and boring, and I don’t even know what I’m asking for really. I just know I can’t go on like this forever and don’t know where to turn for help.
I apologize for the long post, but any input and especially prayers are greatly appreciated.