Forgive me for the length of this post.
My wife and I have been married for about 10 years (civil marriage) and 5 years in the church.
We were both in the correct frame of mind at our marriage, a lasting union, and have 2 children together. We were both previously married, of which both were annulled. She had two children from the prior marriage, or which I freely accepted them as ours and loved them as if they were our own.
We agreed when we finally talked about marriage that we would never divorce because of the pains it puts children through. We both were in agreement and we both knew the responsibilities of marriage.
We had some rocky times as I moved many times due to my career but we always had good times as well.
I had to take a job overseas (non military) due to the economy and could not take family with me. Just before my one year contract was up and I was to return home she filed for divorce. There is no infidelity on either part.
I returned home immediately to be with the 2 boys as this news was devastating and I did not have communications with them for several weeks. Once home she wanted no communications and I had to get an attorney to see my boys.
As time progressed (about a month) we began to communicate. She said that she wanted the civil divorce but not an annulment. Our communication increased mostly on the phone and I have been able to be with my boys more than agreed upon.
The boys want us together (ages about 3 and 8) and have made many comments to each separately as well as in front of both of us.
I have offered to go to counseling together, retreats, talk with a priest together etc but she states not right now. I have taken full responsibility for my shortcomings and faults. I offered for all of us to go to Mass together on Sundays now and then, and I am told not yet.
She is in counseling. She has sought the advice of a priest and has learned that we are not candidates for an annulment. I told her that we cannot lie to the children nor give them false hope as they have been in anxiety for over 16 months and this is bothering them. They are holding onto the hope of mom and dad reuniting as a family. She told the older one that this is like an engine that needs repair. You have to take it apart then replace parts and rebuild it.
So it is now six months from the time of her filing for civil divorce and I am still not sure where she is going. We agree on the details of the divorce and are not fighting. We talk on the phone, sometimes for hours, about normal things. It is as if she is a wife on the phone, but when it comes time to try to get together she just won’ commit and really does not want to communicate.
She also will not discuss any plan, path, etc toward a return together. She shows no outward affections towards me even thought I still do. We live 1.5 hours apart now and she did not want me moving into the town she lived in.
We have gotten together once this fall for the boys to go to the park for about an hour. That went well. The boys wanted all of us to do something together.
I have treated her as my wife as even after the filing of the civil divorce we are still married in the eyes of God and the church. Neither one of us is looking for another mate. I still wear my wedding ring and act as married, not putting myself in positions to be tempted.
My issue is that I wish for the marriage to be saved for many reasons and that I am being placed in a position that is what I call in limbo. I am married, wish to remain married to this woman, yet not receiving any affections or information about our progress or lack of, from her. I am human and I miss her and the family and I present outward signs of affection and support to her, yet there is nothing substantial in return.
So here I am married to this woman, living apart, having my children a good amount of time, missing companionship and the ability to share my life with her.
I have prayed and believe that I should give her time to sort out her issues, but I am having a tough time letting life go by without sharing with her.
I know that prayer is very powerful and that the small improvements since May are important and are a result of prayer. I would ask for your prayers for my family.