Need Advice About Making Friends After Moving


#1

My fiance and I had a long distance relationship for a long time, and after I graduated from college I moved closer to him because he is still in school. Now that I am here, I am struggling so much with feelings of loneliness. I know I'm not completely alone since I have my fiance. But I have been living here for 4 months now and have yet to make any friends. Not only that, but we are living in a very secular area. We are working with a sponsor couple who explained to us that they think that contraception and sterilization is ok in certain circumstances. My fiance and I are very conservative Catholics. As you can imagine, this did not settle well with us. So I feel even more alone because I feel like there is nobody here I can relate to. And I don't seem to relate well with most of my fiance's friends. He is also feeling stressed because he doesn't have many good friends either. Does anybody have any advice for me?? What should I do? I feel awful every time I tell my fiance I feel lonely, and I don't want to live like this any more.


#2

I'm not 100% sure if this will have anything that will help but it might be worth a look.

Check out www.meetup.com

It has a bunch of different types of "groups" that you can join and then meet up in real life. I'd imagine there is a section for Catholics or some other interest you have. Its similar to some dating sites except its not for dating. I looked at it some years back to see if it may help my wife an I find some similar aged couples with kids the same age as our kids. I never really followed through with setting up any "meetings" but the site appeared nice when I was browsing it.

Good luck! Finding compatible friends can be hard


#3

I've met most of my friends, both close friends and casual relationships, through volunteering. Get involved in your community, in your parish, somewhere, and not only will you be helping others, but you tend to develop relationships with those who have similar interests.


#4

I remember when I was new in town joining certain groups to meet people. In particular, I joined a bycicle group hoping to meet men ( I am a woman and though I could find a cute guy). Big mistake. They were there to ride their bycicles through trees and bushes and I actually got lost in the woods and had to find my way out by myself. I finally got to a street and asked a pedestrian how I could get home and I bet you no one noticed I was gone.

Moral of the story: Only join a group if you have an active interest in the activity. I joined a card group. And I REALLY enjoy playing cards and have been going for over 10 years. I now know a lot of the faces and enjoy the chit chat. I have not made close friends at that group but do I ever have fun playing cards.

Making real friends takes time. Discern friends and get to know them before sharing your feelings too much. The 'new girl' feeling will leave after a while. But I hate to break it to you but your fiancee could have moved to your town, all your friends could either move away or you could have a falling out and no longer talk.

Friends are precious gifts and we need to be patient until we find them

Best of luck

CM


#5

Yeah I tried taking a class at the local pregnancy help center, and when I got there I realized it was all 40- and 50- some year old protestant ladies. I am big into the pro-life movement, and all of my experiences in college of the pro-life movement involved young, vibrant, Catholic men and women. Even pro-life groups that we worked with outside of the College were all young, Catholic people. I was shocked when I walked in and I was the youngest (and only Catholic) person there. I did learn a lot, and I am glad that not ALL pro-lifers are young and Catholic. :) But at the same time, I thought I had hit the jackpot when I signed up for the class. I was thinking...making friends is going to be easy.

I am actively looking for opportunities to put myself out there and join a new group or volunteer somewhere, I just haven't found anything else yet that fits into my schedule. And it is exhausting.


#6

Remember to just be yourself. That’s very important. I know it’s a cliche, but it’s true.


#7

Volunteer- offer to get involved with CCD or adult formation - there may be people out there that will be very happy to know that there are other conservative couples in the area. :wink:


#8

My parents made a conscious decision to build up their circle of friends around the church. It worked great, and since we never had any relatives close buy, all the normal “family” holidays like Christmas and thanksgiving were spent among friends from church. As it seems I’ll be living alone for the foreseeable future, I’m planning a similar strategy when I get out of college.


#9

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