Need advice: Divorce


#1

It's my first post on this forum, and I really appreciate if you can give me some advice.

I'm a Catholic, and I have been getting along with a non-Christian married man for some time. He has encountered marriage problems and is set to divorce with his wife. (I don't want to describe his marriage problem in details here.) According to local civil law, he has to live separately with his wife for at least one year in order to have the divorce application approved by court.

He is determined to marry me after the whole process is completed. And we know we have to apply for a marriage annulment if we want to marry in the Church. Now the problem is that after he moves out from his present apartment, he has to find a place to live.

I have rented an apartment and have been living on my own. We are considering sharing an apartment after he signs the paper to separate with his wife. (No, I don't have sex with him, and we have agreed we won't have sex until we get married.) We have such idea mainly because of the extreme high level of rent. We are not rich, and we want to save money for our future family. Sharing an apartment will not only save the rent, but also other living expenses.

What I concern is whether such act (sharing an apartment) will affect our application for annulment? Can anyone give me some advice?

Thank you very much!


#2

You are dating a married man and now want to move in with him? And you don't find anything wrong in that, because it's a financial move?

Honey, get to confession, stop helping a man commit adultery against his wife, and confess your part in the breakdown of his marriage.

Do not move in with him. Do not date him. He is MARRIED. He is not free to date you until AFTER he has a decree of nullity. Until then, if he even obtains one, it is adultery.

You are not at liberty to live with a man who is not your husband. Go talk to your priest.


#3

I do not know specifically, but I suspect it would affect your application for annulment. After all, what assurance does the priest have that you are not in fact, having sex with this man? It is only your word, and most people who are attracted to each other and living together are having sexual relations. I suspect you and he would start having sex, living in the same apartment. Saving on rent is how the rest of the world justifies shacking up. Not for Catholics, we are called to higher behavioral standards.

If you have been a factor in this man's divorce you are committing a huge sin. What does "getting along with" even mean? You say you aren't having sex but that term suggests that you have been at least dating, perhaps more.

You need to go and talk to a priest, pronto. You are in need of true advice and also, a good righteous slap upside the head.


#4

i am going to say my 2cents and leave this alone.

i have a problem with anyone woman dating a married man. married men and women should be off limits PERIOD. my question to you is, Do you know that he wont see another woman behind your back once you two are married? and if you dont think he will do this to you because somehow youre different, then HOW DO YOU KNOW?? what makes you so sure?

sorry if i sound so harsh but i do not agree what so ever with what you two are doing.


#5

This guy adulterates with you against his wife, has promised that he will marry you, and then you want to save him the burden of finding his own place and his own roommate to share the rent? And then you want to be married to him for the rest of your life? Have you ever stopped to think about a pattern here?


#6

With all the never-married Catholic males having problems finding a wife, why in the world are you turning your backs on them in order to take up with someone who is NOT eligible????


#7

I'm sorry. I'm sure this is a very emotional situation for you.

But I'm not sure if you could aim any lower than a non-Christian, married man.

There is nothing about your situation that screams this man is right for anyone.


#8

Jesus,our Lords peace be whit You.
As always,I have not looked at the other ansver You have got because I don't want them to have anything whit my ansver.
I wish I could say this in a gentle way,but I can't. I don't care about if You take him under Your roof or what might happend there because I know You know. What bothers my is Your future. If he is ready to divorce his wife,and I don't want to know Your part in it,he is most likely to do the same one day to You. Look. All people in this world,no matter of religion,nationality,color of skin,is my brothers and sisters in Christ,and I don't want You get hurt,and You will. Not to mention that You are doing sin,and a lot of other things. If You meet a married man who is interested in You,run! If a married man is interesting in You,run! Marriage is a sacrament,and no one has the rigth to brake it. So I beg You,for Your soul,for Your future,stop while You can. You will find the rigth one if it is Gods will,if not,it is Gods will that You have something else to do. Pray,and LISTEN to the ansver. Please,don't do this,what will happend when he does the same thing to You,or get back whit his wife again? Who gets hurt? You. Belevie,I am man,and even if I serve God now,after a marriage that ruin my wish to become a priest,and a divorce that opened my eyes,I know what we men can do. So put a stop as long as You can. And if You don't take my advice,please,don't move in whit him. Atleast stay in different flats as long as he need to wait for his divorce is final,and think of my words,please.


#9

He’s muslim, isn’t he.


#10

I'm sorry but honestly, why would you even want to be married in the Catholic Church when everything about this situation is in direct contrast to everything the Church teaches? Not only is this man not even a Christian (which, if your religion is important to you, I do not understand how you can be with someone who completely rejects Christ), but he is married and not even separated from his wife yet. This will end badly, for your life and for your soul. No good can come of this. Get out while you still can and find someone else to fall in love with. You will be very glad you did in the long run. Don't waste your time. This is a good chance for you to get right with God and with the church and put this whole affair behind you. Regardless of whether or not you are sleeping together, this is an affair, and adultery plain and simple.


#11

I'm very glad to read all your responses, though most of them are negative. But I do need such honest and right-from-the-heart comments.

Maybe I have stated my question too "technically". But describing too many details might intrude the privacy of others, and I don't want to turn this discussion into whether I have sinned, or whether I should continue this relationship. Not because I have made any decision and unwilling to change my mind, but there is a long story behind. I have gone through lots of struggles and talked to priests. They did not tell me to leave this man, but adviced me to take more time to observe him and act cautiously.

Brothers and sisters, I know you care about me, and I sincerely appreciate all your comments! I promise I will pray for the wisdom of God to guide me. Thank you again for all your responses! :)


#12

I don't know where you are living, but I'm pretty sure living with another woman would jeopardize his divorce and annunlment.

You should ask a lawyer in your area or country.


#13

Sorry, but please explain why are you wishing to marry not only a non Catholic, but also a non Christian?

How can you and this man help each other to get to heaven, when he doesn't share your faith in God? Eventually this leads to a singular relationship with Christ inside of your marriage.


#14

[quote="changecat, post:11, topic:217138"]

Brothers and sisters, I know you care about me, and I sincerely appreciate all your comments! I promise I will pray for the wisdom of God to guide me. Thank you again for all your responses! :)

[/quote]

You know He can guide you though the wisdom of other brothers and sisters in Christ...


#15

What? [FONT=Arial] ** **changecat, where is your head? This man is willing to divorce his wife an marry you? What kind of man is that? Why would he hesitate to to the same to you in the future?[/FONT]

This is not a basis for a future marriage. Even forget all the Catholic stuff, because you don't need it to figure this one out. Common sense is sufficient.

I really don't care whether this is a matter of sin. That is your business. I just want to point out that this seems a recipe for disaster and unforeseen sorrow. I am not nice. I don't mince words. I do not intend to be mean but I will be straight and principled.

changecat, you knew exactly what kind of advice you would get by posting here. So I am telling you what your heart already knows.


#16

Again, I do appreciate those who express your care and give constructive advice!

I know I have written too briefly about my case, but what I did expect was calm and rational discussions, instead of "hammers" of Catholic teachings based on false assumptions derived from the few sentences I wrote. And I was shocked to see offensive remarks to believers of other religions.

Sorry I have outraged you. I think I should seek advice from more professional channels.


#17

[quote="changecat, post:16, topic:217138"]
Again, I do appreciate those who express your care and give constructive advice!

I know I have written too briefly about my case, but what I did expect was calm and rational discussions, instead of "hammers" of Catholic teachings based on false assumptions derived from the few sentences I wrote. And I was shocked to see offensive remarks to believers of other religions.

Sorry I have outraged you. I think I should seek advice from more professional channels.

[/quote]

Well, this is a Catholic forum, so when you ask for advice on a Catholic forum you are going to get a Catholic viewpoint, even one that says that you are wrong.


#18

[quote="changecat, post:16, topic:217138"]
Again, I do appreciate those who express your care and give constructive advice!

I know I have written too briefly about my case, but what I did expect was calm and rational discussions, instead of "hammers" of Catholic teachings based on false assumptions derived from the few sentences I wrote. And I was shocked to see offensive remarks to believers of other religions.

Sorry I have outraged you. I think I should seek advice from more professional channels.

[/quote]

I don't see outrage or hammers...Your asking advice in a christian forum you should expect teachings of Christ....We believe that following or disregarding His teachings affect the condition of our souls/spiritual life...If you do not want to hear that then it's best you seek advice in a secular forum..


#19

:thumbsup:


#20

Unfortunately,

Your breif statement is all that anyone has to go on.

Which is basically that you're dating a married, non christian. He says he's filing divorce, you'd like him to move in with you, and he'll file for annullment before you both get married in a Catholic church.

You're CATHOLIC...

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's husband. And since he hasn't filed divorce yet, or annullment procedings, he's a husband.

It's pretty straight forward.

Now, if this man were a friend telling you he's filing for divorce and needs a place to stay until he gets back on his feet (like a roommate), that would be different. But he's telling you he is determined to marry you. Which means you have an inappropriate relationship...


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