[quote="mellowcalico, post:16, topic:287637"]
Yeah, I can't disobey a court order... and while I don't agree with how he's living, I don't think it's good to take a child away from her father.
I take the stance that while I think what he's doing is wrong and is a sin, I am not perfect either--I sin too. Being his judge (especially in front of our daughter) will end up putting her in the middle and hurting her. He will still be gay, she will know it, and on top of that her mother will be adding conflict to it. My goal is to explain things so she has an understanding of it... without it being too sexual. That's the hard part--explaining same sex attraction while leaving out the sex and without lying (they aren't like "good friends" or "like how her dad loves his brother" for example).
Right now it's not even a matter of faith, sin, etc. She's confused and as a kid, she needs an explanation (and will keep asking me about it). I would like to touch on our faith in an explanation--but only lightly so that it doesn't come across in a way that might damage the father/child relationship (or the mother/child... because, while she is much closer to me, if she sees it as "attacking" daddy, it could backfire).
I like the explanation given by ThyKingdomCome... I might use a variation of that. The hard part is I don't want to say that it's wrong completely for a mom or dad to have a relationship post divorce. Right now I am not in a relationship myself, but I am seeking annulment. If it's granted, I would like to date and meet someone again. Telling her that any post relationship is wrong will confuse her more in the future if I get to that point. I don't think she will "get" the concept that it's wrong before an annulment and okay afterwards. Maybe in a few years she will get that, but right now it's a hard concept.
She brought the subject up again this morning. She told me she doesn't want to see her dad this weekend because it's "too weird." I didn't get a chance to talk to him last night (he's hard to reach when he doesn't have our daughter). But I will try again. I am not going to tell him how to live, but I will tell him what he's doing is upsetting our daughter to the point where she's telling me she doesn't even want to see him. I am sure he doesn't want that, so maybe that will convince him to tone things down and not go "so fast" in front of her.
Unfortunately, with the current climate in regard to homosexuality, your husband and his lover could decide to convince your daughter that being gay is not "weird" at all, but normal and right, and that the Church is wrong. In fact, given the coming out, I would say that is likely. Expect a lot of confusion and conflict on your daughter's part. The trouble has only just begun. Gay men are not known to be selfless when it comes to their own desires. And don't flame me, folks, I have experience in this.
And BTW, I would say that your annulment is pretty well guaranteed. Your husband's SSA had to be there before you were ever married - he didn't just wake up one day and decide "I'm going to be gay now."