Need advice for marriage


#1

Dear Forum,

I am looking for some spiritual help with my new marriage. I was raised Catholic and my husband is a non-Christian. He thinks he can hang out with anyone anytime, he says we just can’t kiss or make love to other people but everything else besides that is ok. I am wondering, am I being too “conservative” and “closed-minded” like he says, or is this crossing the line of the sacred bonds of marriage?

My husband wants close relationships with women and men who are not living in a good standing with Christ (sleeping with exes/friends/drugs/swingers/no morality). I know, we are all sinners, but I said that I want to find people that we can both get along with, and people who will respect our marriage. But he doesn’t have an interest in those kinds of people, and is not interested in creating those kinds of boundaries in his life.

Anyway, I am so sick of this. My husband has every excuse in the book and says he loves me, but I am wondering, is it his friends who are the problem, me, or my husband?

I made the decision not to have close relationships with exes or sleep over at men’s homes but my husband doesn’t feel the same way. Without a strong relationship with Christ, it’s hard to convince my husband that nurturing relationships will strengthen us.

Tell, me, am I the one that is crazy? I’ve prayed and read scripture, and it says to love love love. Should I just be ok with everyone anytime in our home/life, and just submit myself to this kind of life because scripture says I must submit to my husband? We are already heading in different directions, because I’ve made more commitments to Christian groups instead.

Please, let me know what to do!

-Christ’s (unworthy and still learning) Servant


#2

I would ask a priest.

Peace,
Ed


#3

I'm confused as to how a priest would have married you two if your husband was honest about his values and views during the pre-canna classes. Are you married Sacramentally within the Catholic Church?


#4

Did you marry in the Catholic Church? If you did, what part of "FORSAKING ALL OTHERS" does your husband not understand? His attitude on marriage and faithfulness to one's spouse is the problem here, you have every right as his wife to expect that, no exceptions. You need to seek professional counseling right away, if he won't go, go by yourself. This sounds like no kind of marriage to me, and you are in for a lifetime of depression and hardship if you put up with it.


#5

We are not married sacramentally-- completely my fault, I should have been more committed to Christ.

We were married by a Catholic priest but I think he must have not been affiliated by the Catholic Church. So there was counseling but not adequate discussion of values/views prior to marriage.


#6

Thank you for your replies. This helps me greatly. I got into this mess myself.


#7

Lily20, I agree with the other posters. His attitude and behavior is unacceptable as a husband. Do seek counseling, both from a priest and a certified (preferably Catholic or Christian) marriage therapist. As for you, don’t beat yourself up! Nothing you can do about the past, and a whole lot more you can do with the future. From now on, just keep your eyes focused on Christ. Ask Him what His will is for you and pray that He will guide you. Ask a saint to help you if you are unsure of how to pray to Him. God bless you- you are in my prayers!


#8

[quote="lily20, post:5, topic:234361"]
We are not married sacramentally-- completely my fault, I should have been more committed to Christ.

We were married by a Catholic priest but I think he must have not been affiliated by the Catholic Church. So there was counseling but not adequate discussion of values/views prior to marriage.

[/quote]

this makes no sense
were you married sacramentally by a priest according to the Catholic rite of marriage, with any dispensations required to marry a non-CAtholic? if you are not validly married it makes it hard to insist on anything from your husband since you have not demonstrated to him your serious commitment to marriage. He seems to have not a clue what marriage means. You both need some counselling. Your parish can direct you to local resources, and help you get on track with bringing your marriage in line with Christ's wish for you in marriage. You can do this, and it will be the best thing you ever did for both of you.


#9

If he was dishonest about his intentions when he said his vows, those are grounds for annulment.

You should seek counselling, and if it doesn’t work out, you should get a divorce and annulment. You might not even need an annulment since you didn’t marry in the Church and the Priest might not really be affiliated with the Church. If you are able to work things out with counselling, I suggest you get your marriage validated in the Church.


#10

Did you receive dispensation from the Bishop for marrying a non-baptized man? Did you get married in the Church?

Please get yourself some counseling immediately and him.

See a priest from your parish - make sure he can check the name of the priest who married you.


closed #11

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