Need Advice! Friend's Hubby Becoming a Neo-Nazi


#1

I have a dear friend who really needs advice and I just don't know what to tell her! This is going to sound strange but believe me it is dead serious. She and her husband are protestants and lately he has been getting obsessed with some cult-like Hitler loving group online, and chatting with their leaders for hours. He is in so deep to the point he will not let her go to church or take the kids to baseball games because of all the "Jew-lovers". He has become really hateful towards Jews and black people and spouting this stuff all the time. She says he's like a completely different person.

They have 3 young children together and she has been a stay at home mom for like 6 years, no work experience to speak of in a long time. She doesn't have a lot of money or family just a parent who lives in a dangerous part of town who would be willing to take them in. We urged her to have his pastor speak to him about it and he did speak with him, but it didn't help. He is just as firm in his hateful beliefs as ever. She has tried so hard and put so much into raising kind, Christian children, and she can't stand the thought of him instilling them with hate. He is willing to stay with her but he says if she seperates from him, he will get a divorce. The marriage has been a bit rocky from the beginning (way before this happened, she told me had not taken her out in 3 years and I thought THAT was terrible!) but this, now it is just about unbearable for her.

We've all been praying and praying but he is just not changing!

She really wants me to give her advice. She says everyone is telling her to divorce but if she does, he might get joint custody or worse, and turn the kids against her, and she'd be poorer and in a dangerous area to boot. Oh yes, and one of her kids is still a little baby. I really don't know what advice to give! Does anyone have any insight here?


#2

She needs to privately contact an attorney (the biggest, baddest one she can afford) who will help her start building a case against this man (collecting emails, message board postings, etc.) When she has enough evidence that he is an unfit parent, she can take the kids and file for divorce and full custody. Sorry, but this is one of the rare circumstances where I would tell her that there is no hope for her marriage and that she needs to start protecting herself and her kids from this cretin NOW. Neo-Nazis are pure evil. I will keep her and the kids in my prayers.


#3

[quote="SanctaMommy, post:2, topic:245199"]
She needs to privately contact an attorney (the biggest, baddest one she can afford) who will help her start building a case against this man (collecting emails, message board postings, etc.) When she has enough evidence that he is an unfit parent, she can take the kids and file for divorce and full custody. Sorry, but this is one of the rare circumstances where I would tell her that there is no hope for her marriage and that she needs to start protecting herself and her kids from this cretin NOW. Neo-Nazis are pure evil. I will keep her and the kids in my prayers.

[/quote]

:sad_yes:


#4

Submit this over to the Prayer Intentions thread, and re-title it to start with "prayers please: friend's hubby....etc". You need an arsenal of prayer warriors behind this...warriors who are quite relentless and experienced with efficacious petitioning. Otherwise the advice here is good. He seems too far along in his downward path to be reasoned with. Normally I would suggest one backtrack to the original motivation for him to even explore such a group, so that perhaps there could be effective dialogue that would help him see things better. Something obviously has been eating at him to drive him there in the first place. It's unfortunate that it could not be headed off sooner. Sounds to me like the marriage is not valid anyway (just a guess), so separation may be the best. But do be careful with considering the effect such action will have with this man. People involved with these sorts of groups tend to become violent. I will pray.


#5

[quote="Christian4life, post:1, topic:245199"]
I have a dear friend who really needs advice and I just don't know what to tell her! This is going to sound strange but believe me it is dead serious. She and her husband are protestants and lately he has been getting obsessed with some cult-like Hitler loving group online, and chatting with their leaders for hours. He is in so deep to the point he will not let her go to church or take the kids to baseball games because of all the "Jew-lovers". He has become really hateful towards Jews and black people and spouting this stuff all the time. She says he's like a completely different person.

They have 3 young children together and she has been a stay at home mom for like 6 years, no work experience to speak of in a long time. She doesn't have a lot of money or family just a parent who lives in a dangerous part of town who would be willing to take them in. We urged her to have his pastor speak to him about it and he did speak with him, but it didn't help. He is just as firm in his hateful beliefs as ever. She has tried so hard and put so much into raising kind, Christian children, and she can't stand the thought of him instilling them with hate. He is willing to stay with her but he says if she seperates from him, he will get a divorce. The marriage has been a bit rocky from the beginning (way before this happened, she told me had not taken her out in 3 years and I thought THAT was terrible!) but this, now it is just about unbearable for her.

We've all been praying and praying but he is just not changing!

She really wants me to give her advice. She says everyone is telling her to divorce but if she does, he might get joint custody or worse, and turn the kids against her, and she'd be poorer and in a dangerous area to boot. Oh yes, and one of her kids is still a little baby. I really don't know what advice to give! Does anyone have any insight here?

[/quote]

ahh the evils of racism, speaking as one who grew up in a racist family(by the grace of God I'm not racist) I'd say considering all that you've said a separation is in order


#6

[quote="Christian4life, post:1, topic:245199"]
He has become really hateful towards Jews and black people and spouting this stuff all the time. She says he's like a completely different person.

[/quote]

:eek: Jesus is Jew! :mad: And Moses married a Black Woman! (Song Of Solomon 1:4) and Paul baptized an Ethiopan man! (Acts 8:26-40) And plus Jesus had very brown skin since the Middle East was very hot.


#7

[quote="followingtheway, post:6, topic:245199"]
:eek: Jesus is Jew! :mad: And Moses married a Black Woman! (Song Of Solomon 1:4) and Paul baptized an Ethiopan man! (Acts 8:26-40) And plus Jesus had very brown skin since the Middle East was very hot.

[/quote]

You shouldn't be too surprised. Doesn't sound like this guy is a Christian in his heart - the "protestant" descriptor notwithstanding.


#8

[quote="followingtheway, post:6, topic:245199"]
:eek: Jesus is Jew! :mad: And Moses married a Black Woman! (Song Of Solomon 1:4) and Paul baptized an Ethiopan man! (Acts 8:26-40) And plus Jesus had very brown skin since the Middle East was very hot.

[/quote]

wait i thought mix marriage was against the Bible (not being racist just what i was taught)


#9

Cults and the way they work are scary, and it sounds like you don't know what this man could possibly do.

All the brainwashing and mind control from these evil people can definitely become very dangerous and it sounds like it already is. There's no doubt this lady has to be very careful but do whatever it takes to protect her kids and show them the way of life by turning them to Jesus.

I will definitely pray for her and her kids and the husband, but if it ever seems like this guy is starting to become 'normal' again, then I'd definitely stick the book 'Be A Man!' by Fr. Larry Richards in his hand and have him read it. That book can certainly make a difference if you're willing to let it - both for men and women.

  • Andreas

#10

I can't give any advice but I will pray.


#11

Don't know what to say...-sad:(


#12

[quote="CountrySteve, post:8, topic:245199"]
wait i thought mix marriage was against the Bible (not being racist just what i was taught)

[/quote]

The Bible does not condemn interracial marriage. Moses married an Ethiopian woman; Miriam was punished for criticizing Moses' marriage:

"The anger of the LORD burned against them, and he left them. When the cloud lifted from above the Tent, there stood Miriam--leprous, like snow. Aaron turned toward her and saw that she had leprosy" (Numbers 12:9-11).

Miriam was punished with leprosy for her condemnation of the legitimacy of Moses' marriage. In fact, God's humour is evident here - Miriam seemed to think that white skin was better than black skin. So God turned her skin "like snow", only to find that white skin is not necessarily better than black skin. It was through Moses' intercession later that God decided to heal her.

The Bible does however criticize interfaith marriages on a numerous amount of occassions, and with good reason. But interracial marriage is definitely not condemned by God - after all, "There is neither Jew nor Greek: there is neither bond nor free: there is neither male nor female. For you are all one in Christ Jesus" (Galatians 3:28).


#13

[quote="CountrySteve, post:8, topic:245199"]
wait i thought mix marriage was against the Bible (not being racist just what i was taught)

[/quote]

Nope :nope: it was talking about marrying someone of an idolatrous or Pagan nation. I understand you're not racist, though. A lot of people mix that up. :sad_yes:

God bless :thumbsup:,

David


#14

[quote="CountrySteve, post:8, topic:245199"]
wait i thought mix marriage was against the Bible (not being racist just what i was taught)

[/quote]

Well Ruth the Moabitess married Boaz the Jew:), and Ruth basically converted to Judaism beforehand (see Ruth 1:15-17) Mixed marriages violated the OT because of religion, not race. Non-Jews at the time were pagans who would lead the Israelites after false gods(the reasoning is in Leviticus or Deuteronomy). This prohibition is still wise to follow. The Catechism warns that such marriages can lead to conflict and/or religous indifference:( They're just not a good idea.


#15

[quote="SteveGC, post:4, topic:245199"]
Submit this over to the Prayer Intentions thread, and re-title it to start with "prayers please: friend's hubby....etc". You need an arsenal of prayer warriors behind this...warriors who are quite relentless and experienced with efficacious petitioning. Otherwise the advice here is good. He seems too far along in his downward path to be reasoned with. Normally I would suggest one backtrack to the original motivation for him to even explore such a group, so that perhaps there could be effective dialogue that would help him see things better. Something obviously has been eating at him to drive him there in the first place. It's unfortunate that it could not be headed off sooner. Sounds to me like the marriage is not valid anyway (just a guess), so separation may be the best. But do be careful with considering the effect such action will have with this man. People involved with these sorts of groups tend to become violent. I will pray.

[/quote]

Thank you, I think I will do that. Well she says he has never been violent, says she would leave him in a second if he were. My husband said he has heard of them before and this group is gaining a lot of influence on the net and it's really upsetting. My friend's husband used to be a Christian and have a heart for reaching non-Christians of all races, but these people also claim to be "true Christians" and have brainwashed him into believing the Bible says that some races are "blessed" and others are "cursed". Well they are false teachers, and I think the impetus was, he didn't have a lot of close friends and was always kind of withdrawn. My biggest worry is that she will not be able to gain custody of her little kids. She told me she doesn't trust him alone with them at the park let alone having a weekend alone because he is so full of hate. The biggest lawyer she can afford is basically no one. Sad thing about these traditional types of marriages - too often the man has all the money and all the ability to make money. We might be able to help her out but not much. We don't have a lot of money either.


#16

She needs a good lawyer. Call the Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC). Have her explain the situation. Even if they can't directly help, they can find someone who will. They basically are a watchdog group for hate groups in the US, and would definitely know people who would help her pro Bono.


#17

[quote="pentecostbaby, post:16, topic:245199"]
She needs a good lawyer. Call the Southern Poverty Law Center (SPLC). Have her explain the situation. Even if they can't directly help, they can find someone who will. They basically are a watchdog group for hate groups in the US, and would definitely know people who would help her pro Bono.

[/quote]

Thank you that is really good advice.


#18

What a sad and scary situation :( Satan sounds at work here.

I say that quite seriously, as I think all white supremacy groups and Neo Nazi organizations are pure evil. How else could they possess so much hatred and desire to harm fellow man?

Many prayers for your friend and her family.... has she thought about a women's shelter? Even though he hasn't physically harmed her, if she feels unsafe she should be able to get a bed.

Much love and God bless!


#19

Agreed!!! The people who spit filth about them are often closet racists, but SPLC does good work and seem highly relevant to her situation.


#20

I have a question though. She has been home with her kids and homeschooling them for years, and I know it is really really important to her not to give that up. I don't see any way she could survive without putting the kids in daycare and getting a low-paying job outside the home and she will very very strongly not want to do this. So I don't know what to tell her. She's being put between a rock and a hard place.


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