Hello. I am really seeking some advice and encouragement from any older ladies out there who have been married at least 10 years and can help me. (I’ve been married about 17) --and have 3 teen boys. I need tips on how to endure life with a man you chose to marry (maybe who was not God’s choice for you) who is not a believer, who is aloof, who you know is not capable of real love (for whatever reason). I am a new Catholic, and don’t think divorce is ever the answer, as I never felt this was the way out. I believe divorce messes up kids way too much, so I would never go that route, even though many have told me I should. I just am heartbroken, disappointed, my husband has hurt me tremendously, put our family through severe financial turmoil, and has had a few “emotional” affairs. He is passive, and basically somewhat of a wimp.
I just need to know where to turn or what advice someone could give me who has lived through this, and believes in marriage. Yes, I pray for my husband. By someone’s advice, I put a scapular under his pillow. I praise and encourage him alot. We attend Mass together every Sunday. He takes the Eucharist, but I can tell is totally not into it. He says “he gets nothing out of it” concerning Chuch, sleeps through it, and rushes to get home. He’s a couch potato completely. He never holds my hand, never kisses me, never tells me he loves me, he only wants S__ now and then. I feel so emotionally unfulfilled.
Lately, I’ve been feeling I should buy a little teenie puppy dog-- for comfort—or perhaps find an intriguing romance novel to escape in. We’ve been to counseling. Nothing makes any difference. We both don’t believe in divorce. Yet, what can I do to make this marriage more bearable? This is my DIRECT QUESTION HERE i! I cannot fathom the next 30 years like this!! I’m so emotionally lonely,and wish some rich nice Catholic man would come into my life to take me away from this emptiness. My boys are all busy growing teens! Last nite in a slightly heated argument over our computer, my husband was so passive and saying he doesn’t care about something or other, I said “Is there anything you do care about in life?” He said “Certainly not you–that’s for sure.” AWWW That hurts.
Please --any thoughts? I know I could probably use some weekly Mass going and Adoration more! Also I want to sign up to be a Eucharistic Minister at my church to take my eyes off myself and help others. Like the shut-ins, etc. What else? Are there any books written on “How to Survive A Loveless Marriage”?