Need advice in discernement

Not a very original title, I admit. And I’m profoundly sorry if this isn’t the ideal subforum to post this.

I thought long and hard before posting here. The trials and difficulties some brothers and sisters are enduring here shrink my spirit. But the thing is, I really, *really *need your prayers and kind words.

See, I’ve been in a relationship for 2 and a half years. Let’s call her Celia. She is extremely beautiful (german model, child of two other german models). She is funny, sweet, tender, good cook, smart, cultured, loyal and honest to death. The perfect match (other than her being kinda New Age and not really caring for catholic morals).

She also has uncontrollable rage issues. This is a killer. She has a different logic than mine about many things, and when we disagree she starts accusing me of being selfish or authoritative or not caring, then the red tide takes her over. Then she starts sputtering she has been wasting her time with me, that I’m cruel and evil, and even that I’m worthless and mediocre.

After the tide passes she profusely apologizes, tears and all. Like trying to pick the pieces of a shattered plate.

I’m *completely *tired of this cycle. I still care deeply for her. I know she loves me, I can easily tell. And that she doesn’t like her fits of rage. But I’m nearly jaded from all the abuse.

Friend A says I should leave her since I’ll end up resenting her and I can’t change her.
Friend B says love can triumph over everything and I should still gamble on this relationship. She has been in one for ten years.

I’ve had *amazing *experiences with Celia. She has taught me to be a better person and we’ve traveled quite a lot. We lived together for a year (I know, I know) before the economy ended that. But we’ve been going downhill for a year now. I don’t see it improving.

I think we just love each other but can’t give each other our deserved happiness.


If she doesn’t respect your morals now, don’t expect her to respect them when married. She doesn’t love you. Love means willing the good of the other. If she doesn’t respect your morals, she isn’t willing the good of you.

All your conclusions are supported by the reality. You already know what to do. And, that tug may be the Holy Spirit calling you on through another door. If today you hear his voice, harden not your heart with the ways or person of the world.

The love God puts in your life will be a rock, she will complete you and together you will grow ever closer to God.


Praying to the Holy Spirit to give you guidance, direction, strength, fortitude & wisdom in your time of need.

Rage issues are no laughing matter and should not be dismissed. It may well be time to let this one go. If she will not deal with her emotional issues you are bound to get no where fast.

Hi Kuzco,

It sounds like you already know this–but it appears from your post–that she has some serious anger issues that she has to deal with. They aren’t going to go away unless she learns to deal with them, and gets help for them. If you marry her, they will still be with the both of you.

There are Anger Management programs out there, where she can get help, if you want to continue to stay together with her.

May God bless the both of you.

Never marry with the idea you are going to change somebody for the better, marriage has enough problems of it’s own. Jesus made it a Sacrament, and a vocation. If one fulfills marriage obligations of love, responsibility, and commitment with the grace of God, it will sanctify them. So don’t start with some serious obstacles that need attention, and fits of rage is not good. If you can’t have a meeting of the minds now, what can you expect later. And only a close relationship with God can convert, or grant an interior healing which seems to be needed.

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