Need advice on handling college roomate's impurity


#1

Wasn’t really sure where to post this one…

I have a family member (female) attending a secular school and her roommate’s boyfriend keeps dropping in un-invited. No sleepovers (as least not yet) but on a weekend away she came back and found him in the room getting changed after having taken a shower in that room. I am totally appalled, and will be composing a letter for her to give to the residence hall administrator to deal with this issue. (Ideally getting a single room fur the duration of the semester until she can find a good roommate.)

I would like advice from those who have dealt with situations like these in the past and how they approached it. Also, if anyone can send me a link or sample letter stating a persons rights even at a secular university so as to be more persuasive and not just appeal to morality (even know this is what the heart of the issue strikes at.) Does the Cardinal Newman Society publish resources to deal with situations like these? Any specific websites I should check out?

I am not familiar with her student handbook rules, but given the general leniency found in most secular schools these days I presume things like having visitors of the opposite sex visit until late at night is probably ‘ok’.


#2

Male visitors are allowed in female dorms and it doesn’t sound like they broke any rules. If I remember correctly many dorms also have male bathrooms and showers for guests to use…


#3

Living in the world sometimes means you are going to bump up against immorality. Sometimes it is in the shower.

Your family member needs to read the rules, if a rule has been violated then submit a grievinece based on that.

If no rule has been violated your family memeber should request a new roommate based on compatability or rent her own apartment.


#4

I agree. Each school (and sometimes each individual dorm) is going to have different rules in this regard. There’s no sense filing a grievance unless it’s in regards to a specific rule that was broken.

Even secular schools can have rules about visiting hours and guests. At least, that was the case at the secular school I attended ten years ago.

The fact that there have been no “sleepovers” seems like a positive. I know many, many (many, many, many) examples where this was not the case.


#5

Even if no rules were broken, if your daughter is uncomfortable with her current arrangement, she should let the administrator know. My daughter’s friend at UCLA was facing a similar situation, which is really pretty common, and was able to be relocated to a room with a more like-minded roommate. I am pretty sure that they will be able to work something out.


#6

Has your relative talked to her roommate about this yet? A reasonable discussion about mutually agreeable visiting hours, etc. could go a long way. He has a room too, maybe they’ll start spending more time there if they know they’re bothering somebody. That’s the thing: until she sits down with her roommate and talks to her about the situation, they might (probably don’t) have any idea that they’re making her uncomfortable.

I’m not saying that it will necessarily work, but college is supposed to be preparing your relative for the real world, and reasonable adults should be able to at least take a swing at working conflicts out for themselves before going to an authority figure (or even worse, having somebody else do it for them). By all means step in and assist if necessary, but I truly think she could benefit from this learning experience.


closed #7

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