need advice on our near 8 year marriage slump

My husband and I have been married for about 7.5 years. In the past 3 years we have had three kids. On top of all this we have just moved to a new town 3 months ago, had a baby two weeks prior to moving and we moved because my husband got a new job. . Lots of big stressful things happening. So weve hit a slump. We are bickering all the time, were both exhausted and stressed with his new job, three young kids, and a new town. . Its like were acting like glorified roommates instead of a married couple. My husband doesnt think we should immediately go to a professional for help. He wants to try reading a book together and going through thay first. Which is fine with me. Why get surgery on something when it only may need some neosporin and a bandaid ya know?

So…does anyone out there have a book recommendation? Were not on the verge of divorceb or anything so we dont need anything that wild and crazy. Just something to get us back working together and connected again I guess. Thanks.

My prayers are with you! There is certainly much stress involved with everything you mentioned. The biggest thing I have found to help is gratitude. You have so much to be grateful for. A new baby. A new job. A new house. :slight_smile: Check out this video on gratitude:

Also, what kind of books do you and your husband like? Is there a book that you could also share with your children?

I haven’t read them myself, but if u are into fantasy, I’ve heard these were pretty good (though, I’m pretty sure they’re super long :D):

Lord of the Rings by J.R.R. Tolkien
The Chronicles of Narnia by C. S. Lewis

“The Five Love Languages”

I think you need to find a sitter and then have a “date night” each week. It doesn’t have to be any big deal, just get out of the house together, away from the kids, and then just talk. Relax and unwind a bit together. Something where it’s just the two of you so you can refocus on your marriage and get reconnected.

This is very important. Life gets very stressful sometimes. And the tendency is for the mind to get too focused on the negative environment and the negatives about the spouse. This is a bad habit. Date nights are one way to refocus. How long does a date night last? Long enough to re-balance all the time spent on the negative? Probably not. We have to be very conscious of bitterness too. Don’t let the mind go there. Bitterness is unforgiveness. Bitterness is a bad habit and is very destructive. If we want to be forgiven, we have to forgive. How do we keep the mind from going there? Distract it with prayer, gratitude, date nights, music, friends, games, regular exercise, less worrying about money, less worrying about politics. God Bless.

it takes 14 weeks to make adjustments.

keep in mind the babies feel your stress. sleep when they do. be sure to have the kids on a schedule. this is one of the greatest kindnesses you can do for them.

be sure to have some kind of communication system with hubby. i hope he doesnt leave all of the housework and childcare to you.

i know what kind of hell you’re going through. the priest in one of the cities in which we lived died a couple of years ago, and i will ask his prayers for you – msgr victor moser.


Than ks for the advice everyone. Husband is great with housework and kids. And we decided on 5 love languages for now. And we are doing “date night” every saturday after the kids gobto bed at home. Hopefully this will improve things!

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