need advice on our near 8 year marriage slump

My husband and I have been married for about 7.5 years. In the past 3 years we have had three kids. On top of all this we have just moved to a new town 3 months ago, had a baby two weeks prior to moving and we moved because my husband got a new job. . Lots of big stressful things happening. So weve hit a slump. We are bickering all the time, were both exhausted and stressed with his new job, three young kids, and a new town. Its like were acting like glorified roommates instead of a married couple. My husband doesnt think we should immediately go to a professional for help. He wants to try reading a book together and going through thay first. Which is fine with me. Why get surgery on something when it only may need some neosporin and a bandaid ya know?*

So…does anyone out there have a book recommendation? Were not on the verge of divorceb or anything so we dont need anything that wild and crazy. Just something to get us back working together and connected again I guess. Thanks.

This is posted on another part of the forum

Plus, you guys need to start dating each other. I know it’s hard with young children but it is necessary. My husband and I didn’t do that and we ended up in serious marital difficulty.

I recommend For Better Forever by Gregory Popcak. It’s one of the best resources on Catholic marriage that I could find. It would be helpful for improving any marriage, even if yours is not in crisis.

Feel free to PM me if you have specific questions once you look at the website.

I second Seatuck’s recommendations–both the book and the “dating” idea! It doesn’t have to be expensive or always require a sitter; try putting the kids to bed and then staying up to chat for a while, or get up a half hour early together and snuggle. Spending time together is SO important–you need time to be with each other, not just to talk about the “nuts and bolts” stuff like bills and schedules, but to talk about your dreams, share your feelings, and connect with each other.

Also, try choosing to do one nice thing just for your spouse each day–preferably in the morning. It doesn’t have to take much time. It could be something simple, like making sure the coffee is prepared just the way they like it or warming their socks and coat in the dryer just before they need them on a cold day, or it could be something that takes a little more effort, like hiding a handwritten love letter or poem in their coat pocket or treating them to breakfast in bed. Remind yourself that it’s a gift you are giving to him/her; you don’t need them to reciprocate, to acknowledge, or even to always notice what you did–you’re choosing to do it just to help improve their day or make their life easier. I’ve found that doing nice things for your spouse without expecting anything in return usually helps the “do-er” to feel more loving and more invested in the relationship–and that the spouse on the receiving end generally starts giving back freely, too (though if you’re really sneaky, you can get away with doing anonymous nice things for quite a while before they catch on, and that can be fun, too!).


You both have a lot on the plate with 3 children under 3 years of age on top of the move.
cut yourself some slack. I am wondering if both of you could either do breakfast together or lunch, something simple where both you both can just sit and be and do small talk.
It’s like dating but much more low key and something where can work it into the schedule on a regular basis.

This is excellent advice. Remember that marriage is not 50-50.
It’s 100-100.
Every day you should ask yourself “What can I do to make my spouse’s life better, and aid them on their journey to heaven?”
God bless you! It’s wonderful that you both are so willing to work together!
Be assured of our prayers.

Thanks for the help everyone!

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