Need advice quickly regarding a transsexual relationship


Hi, everyone,

Just to warn you all, this is a bit of a confusing situation, so bear with me.
A friend of mine accidentally set up her friend, who I’ll call Kelly, with a ‘guy’ who turned out to actually be a female transsexual. Kelly, who I don’t believe is an actively practicing Christian, found out and had no problem with it, and she continued to ‘date’ the guy. I don’t know Kelly or the ‘guy’ very well, so I didn’t involve myself in the situation. Now my friend (who is Catholic) has come to me saying that she finally has come to see how wrong this relationship is (it’s been going on for several months now), and she’s not sure what to do because she doesn’t want to lose Kelly as a friend.

I’m not sure what to tell her. At first I thought it would be best to advise my friend not to spend time with Kelly and her ‘boyfriend’ when they are together, but then I wasn’t sure if that would accomplish anything. I wasn’t sure if this was a situation where being with them when they’re together expresses approval or not.

I don’t want to give bad advice, so I really want to hear what you all think about the situation. I’m not sure if it’s relevant, but in case it helps to give a better idea of the picture, we’re all college-age (and attending the same college).


Kelly and the transexual both seem to be agnostics. Whatever you tell them might just irritate them. People hate being preached at. I think the best thing we can do is pray, and maybe hope that one day these things clear up enough so you all can sit down with Kelly et all and clear things up.


Yeah, I definitely agree that trying to convince Kelly about the immorality of the situation, given her lack of religious views, will probably be useless, but do you have any suggestions on what I should tell my friend? Should she avoid spending time with Kelly and the transsexual when they are together, or tell Kelly that the situation makes her uncomfortable? I’m not sure how to hate the sin but love the sinner in this instance…


Jesus ate with prostitutes and tax collectors. The least we can do is be civil to a transsexual. Be polite, and show them the love of Christ.


Of course. When I’m tempted to shun people who commit serious evils (though of course we all do), I think about Jesus befriending prostitutes, etc. But I also know that going to a gay wedding (for example) is not acceptable because it shows approval. So there’s a difference between being polite and remaining silent in the face of immorality. I’m just not sure where the line is…


Maybe your friend can say, “Kelly, I’m sorry, but I didn’t realize that the guy really wasn’t a guy (or is it the other way around?). It’s been bothering me for a while and I didn’t mean to put you in such a messed-up situation”.


The “Jesus ate with sinners” card is often pulled out to justify going into situations involving immoral people that could cause scandal, but please remember that Jesus’ rationale was that “healthy people don’t need a doctor, sick people do”, so it is more of making a “house call” to try to heal a sick person (i.e., get a sinner to repent). Remember also that Jesus told the woman caught in adultery to “avoid this sin”.

So we should ask ourselves if our socialization is to “party with them” or “make a house call on a sick person” and also ask ourselves if we have what it takes to “make a sick call” or “deliver medicine”.


DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit