Need advice regarding NPD family matter


#1

Hello all,

It appears that I come from a family with 2 parents who have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I have been on the fence about whether my dad qualifies until this evening. Now, I am sure that he would receive the diagnosis. In order to keep this short, I will identify both of my parents as being NPD.

I am the middle child of 3. Personality-wise, I have always been the couselor type person of our family. (I write this as if I am a child - I am 36). Both of my parents are very big on holding grudges. My sister lives in another country extremely far away. My parents went to visit her and did not have a good time. From what I can tell, this brought up all the "troubles" they had in raising her. She is a fine person - but perhaps may have been a bit of a challenge to raise. However, she has no special needs, no arrests, no drugs, etc. After the trip ended both parties were very tense and for some reason aren't speaking to each other. I truly think this is just because they are all being stubborn.

Well, tonight, my dad sends an email to my sister and cc'd the whole family that he was cutting off communication with her. Forever.

My question is: over what???? What is this about?? Of course I want to ask all this but won't.

For those of you who have NPD families, what would you do in this situation? I think the best thing to do is to stay out of it but my heart tells me that is so wrong.

Thanks so much!


#2

Abedog13: YOu have two choices:ignore the problem and hope they will reconcile or confront your father ask what happened.Since you love both aaand wouldn't want your father going to his grave with this resentment maybe you should give it a little time before you concern yourself.


#3

[quote="abedog13, post:1, topic:234207"]
Hello all,

It appears that I come from a family with 2 parents who have Narcissistic Personality Disorder. I have been on the fence about whether my dad qualifies until this evening. Now, I am sure that he would receive the diagnosis. In order to keep this short, I will identify both of my parents as being NPD.

I am the middle child of 3. Personality-wise, I have always been the couselor type person of our family. (I write this as if I am a child - I am 36). Both of my parents are very big on holding grudges. My sister lives in another country extremely far away. My parents went to visit her and did not have a good time. From what I can tell, this brought up all the "troubles" they had in raising her. She is a fine person - but perhaps may have been a bit of a challenge to raise. However, she has no special needs, no arrests, no drugs, etc. After the trip ended both parties were very tense and for some reason aren't speaking to each other. I truly think this is just because they are all being stubborn.

Well, tonight, my dad sends an email to my sister and cc'd the whole family that he was cutting off communication with her. Forever.

My question is: over what???? What is this about?? Of course I want to ask all this but won't.

For those of you who have NPD families, what would you do in this situation? I think the best thing to do is to stay out of it but my heart tells me that is so wrong.

Thanks so much!

[/quote]

Your father is triangulating. If he and your mother have a problem with your sister they should be talking to her directly, not cc'ing the entire family. He is creating chaos which is the modus operandi of NPDs.

Now that your whole family is involved in the drama, there is going to be all sorts of fall-out. If you have a good relationship with your sister, I'd go to her first for her version of things, if she can be trusted to tell the truth. You will not get an objective viewpoint from your dad, that's for sure.

Of course the ideal would be to stay completely out of it, but it's not going to be easy if your family members are anything like most people dealing with an NPD.


#4

Ask your sister what happened - never bring it up to your father - refuse to discuss it with him. It is the only way to avoid having you words twisted. But hey I am the one who just divorced an NPD.


closed #5

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