Hi I’m 29 and I’ve been going out with someone for a year and a half. We love each other. I was brought up as a strict catholic but he is an atheist and far more liberal than I am. For almost a year he has been asking me and more recently pressurising me to sleep with him and now he says he cannot take it any longer. He says that he loves me very much but that if I don’t agree then we are incompatible and that we should break up.
I don’t think it would be right to sleep with him. I’ve always thought I should wait until I get married. It’s something I just don’t want to do and definitely wouldn’t feel comfortable doing.
He says I am breaking his heart by not doing this. For him it is an act of love and he says we are incomplete without it. He just doesn’t seem to understand where I’m coming from. I don’t know what to do because I would be devastated if we broke up but I also don’t think things can continue the way they have been with him asking me constantly and me saying no constantly. He has said that I don’t know what love is if I haven’t experienced this with a partner. I love him and I don’t want to break his heart or for him to break mine. I also can’t bring myself to do what he is asking me to do.
The other thing I want to add is that living in such a liberal country where so few people understand or agree with me makes things very difficult. I feel that at 29 I am getting old and that most people would be shocked to know that I hadn’t slept with anyone and most guys my age have slept with other people. I just don’t know what to do and feel I have noone to talk to about this. I’m sure he might leave me because he thinks I don’t care enough about him to do this for him. I just couldn’t cope without him. I need to point out that he would not be using me for sex. It is just that he believes that he needs to express his love in this way and that our relationship is incomplete without it. Any advice would be most welcome.