Need advice, what do I do?


#2 or #6 are the only choices. You, your partner and your child are what matters. Your eternal souls matter. The sooner you set this right the better.


See, here is what I don’t understand. Why is he willing to marry civilly?

If his mother Is the one saying you don’t need to get married and he is willing to marry civilly, how does that make everything okay for her?

It sounds like something is off in their stories…


I think he genuinely doesn’t believe a civil marriage is a real marriage so therefore won’t upset his mother he then thinks that later on when his mother is ok we can get the civil marriage blessed and it will be ok


OH NO that is taking a huge chance. What if something happens to either of them before the marriage were to be “Blessed”.


Why is his mother so prominent in all of your decisions??


I’m more worried about a preist deeming it invalid and refusing to bless a civil marriage than something happening. I don’t think it’s good to set out to get half married now and finish the other half later


Mainly I don’t want to upset anyone I know she disliked me when we first got together and I don’t want her to have even more reason to dislike me


Have had a wonderful conversation with our preist who has offered to come with me to talk to my mother in law


Another vote for option 6 here.

This is something you both need to work out. Your fiance is a grown man who shouldn’t be pandering to his mother. This may cause more and more issues in your relationship with him trying to put his mother before you.

If his mother has a problem with marriage, it’s her problem. Not something you and your fiance need to act on.


You are gonna do many things in your life that will upset at least some people. You cant please everyone. Who cares what his mom thinks? Is she paying your rent? If not, why care so much about what she thinks? My whole family could be against me and my fiance getting married and I would cut them all off before I let them decide who I marry. However, they like her so I did not have to even think about that.

If I were your fiance I would tell my mother that I thank her for her opinion and I know she only wants what is best for me but I have decided to marry the woman I love. Sorry if she cant accept it but it is what I am going to do.


Far more important to live your life in a way that is pleasing to God than in a way that is pleasing to your boyfriend’s mother.


My only concern in the fact that you put too much emphasis on what your bf’s mother says. Counsel with a priest, and, if he can get you past your concern over your future mil, get married in the church! I truly wish you the very best, and hope and prat that your fiancé comes through his illness well. You have to stop putting his mom first! You know, I think, that God’s will is for you to be married…if you are to stay together at all! And the fact that you have kids, and you are comforting him in his illness, speaks volumes of the benefits of your staying together. Forget about what his mom thinks…think about what God would want, for you, and your children.


Thankyou for all the advice


My fiance went to talk to his father today about us getting married he even told his dad I’ve already spoken to the preist His dad said he wasn’t surprised and asked him how big we were planning. I feel so much better I feel we are one step closer to his mother being ok with this.


I am very happy to hear this new! :grinning:



As you said, a wedding need not be expensive. I think we spent under $50 on my second wedding.
Also, you don’t need a white dress if you already have children/a child together. Beige or light pastel colors are appropriate.
Mothers-in-law tend to relax and accept the relationship once it’s done.
I hope you will put the welfare of your children first, and not worry about what others think.
God bless!


Any color of dress, or slacks if you do not wear dresses, is fine. Budget shopping? Thrift and consignments stores can be amazing. In our town, I know which shops get the “good” donations of clothing, can buy designer and high end clothes for a very low price (and they will negotiate!)

In my experience if the thrift store supports a Women’s Shelter, they will attract donations from local boutiques and very well dressed women.

Next are Habitat for Humanity Resale stores located near upscale neighborhoods.

You do not have to wear white, you can if you like, or you can wear a gorgeous bright jewel tone or pastels, choose something that you will wear again!


Yeah. Seriously. This seems like the obvious choice to me. You don’t need to do it “behind her back”. Her approval and cooperation is not even remotely required. If you are fine with a civil ceremony, why not a proper wedding in the Church? Did you think you were going to keep it secret from his mom or something? Technically, there’s no rule that you have to tell her if you do get married in the Church either, so what’s the difference?


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