I’m not as knowledgable nor as devout as many here. I’m actually boozed right now. I’m sure that disgusts many here. My apologies - no offense meant. Just establishing a significant truth. I know a significant amount about the Catholic Faith and embrace it fully. I love the Tradition, depth and fullness that is fulfilled within Catholicism. I also believe that with the gifts God has given me, I should be evangelizing this Truth much more than I am.
I’m a huge sinner. I’m not proud to say that I’m currently living in mortal sin. Therein lies my problem, as I’m in mortal sin often, and yet, I feel responsible for spreading God’s word. It seems incongruent and paralyzes me. I firmly believe I have much to offer my fellow parishoners/friends/luke-warm Catholics, etc., but also believe it should come from a much more devout Catholic than I. But, am I being remiss in my obligation to evangelize the Truth of our faith, due to my continual faltering within it. I’ve been in my ArchDiocese Bible Study and have wanted to start an informal Bible Study for the past two years, but have found many excuses not to; Some founded, others not. There are many, many Catholics who need and desire additional knowledge of our Faith, but for various reasons do not engage.
I grew up Catholic, became Agnostic, then “born-again” Catholic in the past several years. Yet, I sin often. Not trivial and venial, but consciously. Still, even boozed, I know God has given me gifts that I should be using proactively, and could/should be doing now. But, I’m uncertain if it’s my “Catholic guilt” or laziness or something else that is preventing me from doing what should be done. How can a dirty vessel present Jesus properly? Yes, we’re all sinners, but we should all be striving to no longer sin. So, if you continue to sin unabatedly, then how did you truly confess and rebuke your sinful ways? Referring to the Bible, they all sinned no more. I continue to sin, without abatement it seems.
Anyway, I’m rambling… I apologize to all who’ve read the above. It was therapuetic (sp?) in itself. I only have one prayer that I try to pray daily if not more: I pray for the health and safety of my family. Then, I know it should be more prominent, but I pray that my children may know Jesus more fully and that I may be a good father in teaching them our Faith.
My prayer request: Take away my free will. Please. Just kick it out and let me do nothing but God’s will all the time. Just take away my ability to do wrong. Cause I choose it too often and it makes me sad. Very sad… I’d gladly give up free will if it were taken by God. That’s my request… Just stop me from me and let me do Your will. Cause I fail too often and it makes me cry. I’m sorry. Thanks.