Need HELP and Prayers regarding Husband


#1

I am in a sticky situation. I have been finding my catholic faith again. I was in church this Sunday and in the announcements, they were in need of teachers for CCD classes. I reflected on it and I believe God was speaking to me to do this. For weeks, I have been searching for a self taught program for my 4 and 6 year old in addition to their CCD preschool/kindergarten class that I have them enrolled in. I felt I have not had the skill or ability to teach my children the catholic faith. I was spinning my wheels and wasting a lot of time. When God revealed to me that I can learn to be a teacher, I sent an email volunteering. My husband completely opposes it. He thinks it will be taking away time from him and our children. I feel that it will strenghthen me to become a better mother. I even asked the directory if I could have my kids sit in the class with me while I was teaching. He thinks I am pushing him away, being manipulative and selfish?

I am working full time and have the kids in preschool and kindergarten full time and latch key for one hour. So I do understand my husbands point of taking away from the family. Please pray for me and ask God what he wants me to do.


#2

I’m in my second year as a CCD volunteer.

I’m there during class time (was there anyway as my son has been in classes for years). I prep for the lesson one evening during the week, it takes about an hour. It is in the time we normally read or watch TV after dinner - there are a couple of manditory meetings during the year - maybe 6 hours all togheter, and that is it!

You could also do what we did - my husband volunteered to teach as well!


#3

I felt a little bit slighted at first when my husband volunteered to teach CCD when we had a little newborn at home. He already worked full-time and now he was taking extra time away from our family!

The more I thought and prayed about it, the more I realized that he was setting such a great example for me and for our daughter.

Maybe you could have a quiet talk with your husband about how it’s important to you that your children see take time to reach out to your community. Remind him also that this role will strengthen you spiritually which will in turn strengthen your family. Maybe you could invite him to teach along side you? If that’s not an option, maybe he would like to help you prepare your lessons? You could do that as a family!


#4

Has your husband had some trouble with your returning to the faith?


#5

[quote=emom]I
I am working full time and have the kids in preschool and kindergarten full time and latch key for one hour. So I do understand my husbands point of taking away from the family. Please pray for me and ask God what he wants me to do.
[/quote]

Personally, as a DRE I would not encourage anyone to volunteer who did not enjoy the support of spouse and family. Your family priorities should be set by both of you together, and neither of you should feel pressured or stifled in the process is truly joint and mutual. When your parish calls for volunteers, the Holy Spirit is speaking through the person making the appeal, but speaking only to those who have been called. that may only be 2 or 3 of those in the audience.

Those who are volunteering because of guilt, to push an agenda, out of boredom, or any other motivation other than answering a call can actually do more harm than good, to themselves and to the program. (naturally I do not attribute any unworthy motive to you personally, sounds like you are really being tugged in two directions) This call must be discerned, with the help of a spiritual director if necessary, like any other prompting of the Spirit.

Sounds like a good priority for you would be to explore all the needs of your family, together with your husband, and come up with a comprehensive plan that addresses issues you identify as important.


#6

Puzzleannie gave excellent advice!

While I am not a professional I can add that in Pope John Paul II’s encyclical Christifidelis Laici, on the future of the lay role in the Church, he says that one of the two largest problems of participating lay people is doing Church activities to excess and neglecting other obligations like family, job, etc.


#7

[quote=LSK]Has your husband had some trouble with your returning to the faith?
[/quote]

Yes, he has been very jealous and thinks I spend too much time on Church and God.


#8

[quote=kage_ar]You could also do what we did - my husband volunteered to teach as well!
[/quote]

the most effective, dedicated catechists we have ever had are married couples who teach in teams, especially with middle school and high school


#9

"I am working full time and have the kids "my 4 and 6 year old “] in preschool and kindergarten full time and latch key for one hour.”

A FOUR YEAR OLD LATCH KEY FOR AN HOUR EACH DAY!

A SIX YEAR OLD ALONE IN CHARGE OF A FOUR YEAR OLD FOR AN HOUR EACH DAY!

And you think you should be teaching CCD?

I wouldn’t want you to babysitting my goldfish, to say nothing of teaching my children the faith.


#10

I think you are having more than one issue on the table here. I applaud you for wanting to help the church, but make sure this is what you are being called to do with such a busy schedule already. You must first help in your domestic church (family) first, then the parish church. The church does need volunteers, CCD would require a minimmal time allowance of 1 1/2 - 2 hours per week (including class time but not drive time), but if your family is not on solid ground, you could do more damage by eventually neglecting both when the work gets more difficult.

Now I think the previous poster was a little harsh, but there is some truth here. Your husband might be feeling neglected but does not want to say it directly, or he is concerned with the quality of time with your children. I think you need to explain “latch key for one hour”. In most cities, a child home alone under the age of 9 is considered neglect, and inorder to babysit, the child must be 11 or 12. Now rural towns have a more relaxed age limit, but I do not know what your status is or the maturity level of your children.

Talk to a priest or spiritual director about what your call might be. You could also be an aid to one of the teachers or a sub which would require much less time but still help the church.

Please understand I am not trying to offend you here, I think you need to look at it from several options. God might be calling you to teach your children more or spend more time at home with them. Pray for clarity and pray for your husband to not feel so conflicted. He could be dealing with things you are not thinking about, like how can he talk to you about his own stance with his faith or how to relate to you on this newer level. See if he can help too! My hubby runs the nursery while I teach. This is a great service for our church, being a military church we would have less teachers without the childcare becuase one spouse is out to sea or on duty (our daughter is in the nursery with him as she is too young to attend class).

Try to find ways to bring your husband into your new level of spirituality. Read a book together and discuss it’s meaning, like Scott Hahn’s The Lamb’s Supper or read Bible stories as a family everynight with the children. Pray for God’s help!


#11

[quote=quattrocchi]"I am working full time and have the kids "my 4 and 6 year old “] in preschool and kindergarten full time and latch key for one hour.”

A FOUR YEAR OLD LATCH KEY FOR AN HOUR EACH DAY!

A SIX YEAR OLD ALONE IN CHARGE OF A FOUR YEAR OLD FOR AN HOUR EACH DAY!

And you think you should be teaching CCD?

I wouldn’t want you to babysitting my goldfish, to say nothing of teaching my children the faith.
[/quote]

Yep, had to raise my eyebrows too. Even 15 minutes is too much at this age. In this country your kids would be taken from you if the social services got wind of this sort of thing.

Maybe you could cut down work hours to allow you to manage all your responsibilities and give room for you to take on an outside interest such as teaching CCD.


#12

Spend more time in prayer. Give it a few weeks. If it is really a call from the Lord you will know it. Pray that if it is his will that he will work on your Husband to understand. If after a few weeks it is still the same situation then it may be that God is not calling you for this type of service. If it is God’s will he will make it happen. Pray to Our Lady for assistance.
God Bless!
M


#13

Sometimes these decisions are not that hard to make. Consider your state in life. You work full time plus your hubby is having trouble w/ your Catholic convictions. That should tell you something right there :slight_smile: Would God call you to something that could harm your marriage?

I’d give him time. Maybe, right now, NOT teaching CCD is a sacrifice you have to make for your hubby. Perhaps he needs to see you putting his wishes before yours in this situation. That’s a powerful witness.
—KCT


#14

[quote=quattrocchi]"I am working full time and have the kids "my 4 and 6 year old “] in preschool and kindergarten full time and latch key for one hour.”

A FOUR YEAR OLD LATCH KEY FOR AN HOUR EACH DAY!

A SIX YEAR OLD ALONE IN CHARGE OF A FOUR YEAR OLD FOR AN HOUR EACH DAY!

And you think you should be teaching CCD?

I wouldn’t want you to babysitting my goldfish, to say nothing of teaching my children the faith.
[/quote]

Latchkey is an after school service that is run by the school. My children are never home alone. For example. School is from 8:00 to 3:00. They kids are sent to “latchkey” and I pick them up at 4:00.


#15

[quote=emom]Latchkey is an after school service that is run by the school. My children are never home alone. For example. School is from 8:00 to 3:00. They kids are sent to “latchkey” and I pick them up at 4:00.
[/quote]

Thanks for clearing that up. I guess there are not many programs called “Latchkey;” that made for a little confusion…


closed #16

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.