Need help being charitable to gay sister


#1

First, let me explain that I used to be more “liberal” and accepting of my sister’s lifestyle. Through God’s graces, I am in continual conversion and have returned to sacraments and the church. I have done my best to lead by example- praying before eating, living the commandments, going to mass, etc. However, we have not had a conversation about my change in beliefs.

My sister has a live-in partner. Her partner is invited to family functions. I love her as I would love any of my siblings “best friends.”

The trouble is, Sis now wants to invite my daughter for an overnight. Not only do I not see the point in it (do something during the day!), not only do I think my daughter is too young (8), not only has my daughter only stayed at the house of her grandparents, mostly when hubby & I needed a date, not only do I forsee my daughter staying at a house where there are cousins in her age-bracket before staying the night ANYWHERE else, BUT I don’t see her staying with her Aunty any time soon (I’m praying for her conversion!).

How can I charitably explain this to my sister? I don’t want her to feel alienated or angry. I also don’t want to come across as “holier than thou.” I am still a sinner, but lived much more sinfully in my youth, of which my sister was there to observe much!

Thanks for your help, and Praise To God for increased Faith within me and others!


#2

Not only do I not see the point in it (do something during the day!), not only do I think my daughter is too young (8), not only has my daughter only stayed at the house of her grandparents, mostly when hubby & I needed a date, not only do I forsee my daughter staying at a house where there are cousins in her age-bracket before staying the night ANYWHERE else,

How about explain it to her like that? If you’re ready to talk to her about the big issue, then perhaps schedule a time where you can sit down and talk and explain the full situation?


#3

Tell her that while you love her, you don’t agree with her lifestyle and therefore, can not let your daughter stay overnight.

It amazes me how people want to make decisions and act like there are no consequences.

You are not judging her. You are simply saying you have a different set of rules.


#4

I think I would be honest and say to her that your daughter is at a young and impressionable age, and spending the night with two women that sleep in the same bed might cause confusion for her. And because your daughter’s favorable opinion of her aunt is important to you, you don’t wish to have to explain certain things from your moral standpoint at this time. And then request that time spent together happens during the daytime. My daughter is 7 and if I were in that situation I would handle it that way if pressed. I assume that simply declining isn’t working at this point and that your sister is pressing. :confused:


#5

You have no control over her feelings. If she feels alienated and angry, that’s her choice. If she decides to respect your authority as the child’s mother, that’s her choice as well.


#6

Wow… that’s tough…

How about a “non-answer”… meaning, when sis asks if your daughter can spend the night, respond “You know, she’s been mentioning she want to go to the Zoo… would you like to take her one of these weekends?”

This would charitably open the door for special bonding time… without diving into the subject directly, know what I mean?
Sometimes you’re in a Catch 22 situation… no matter what you choose SOMEONE is going to be hurt… and in those cases sometimes it’s most charitable to just change the subject and offer an alternative!

Good luck… that is a difficult situation that isn’t going to be resolved anytime soon. You have my prayers…


#7

The best thing that you can do is be honest. Tell your sister that you don’t agree with her sexuality and that you do not want your child around an environment that could be morally damaging. Personally, I would not let my child stay in this environment because it could affect the way she views adult relationships. I believe it is important to shield children from this type of thing and only show them good example. At the same time, your daughter needs to know of the reality of homosexuality - and when the time is right you should tell her about it while making sure to outline the teachings of the Church on this matter.

It’s not so much what you say but how you say it. Try your best to be loving and kind towards your sister while you express your opinion.

Instead of focusing entirely on this aspect of her life, think of all her good points. Think of all her good character traits and bear in mind how much she loves your daughter. However, even though she is a lovely person, she is living in sin. Remember that two of the spiritual works of mercy are to admonish the sinner and instruct the ignorant. You have an obligation to inform your sister of your disagreement of her sin and you must also tell her why this is so.

As a mother, you have the duty to teach your child good morals. You must let your child know that her aunty is a wonderful person who lives with her friend. However, when she reaches an appropriate age, you should tell your daughter that homosexuality is not right. Tell her that while you love your sister, you do not agree with her choice in life.


#8

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