Need help disconnecting


#1

A former co-worker and I have become really close. We have spent so much time together, and are really good friends.... or so I thought.

She came to me about a week and a half ago, maybe 2 weeks, and told me she had something she needed to get off of her chest. "This will be a true test of your friendship, you cant tell anyone not even your DH" She then told me she is "in love" with my dad. :eek: Just two days before this, I adamantly told my step-mom that there is no way in the world this could be. She has told me time and time again that she cant stand my dad. :( My dad, told my step-mom a week before that, that he wants a divorce. My dad and this friend text each other and spend a lot of time together at work. (where they met)

Now comes the tricky part. I babysit for my friend and it is a good portion of our income. However, with everything going on I'm not sure if I should or not. I need to remove myself from the situation as much as possible for many reasons. First off, I don't agree with what she is doing. She is ripping apart a family AND messing with a married man. Secondly, being silent and hanging out would in a way be telling her it is OK to behave like that. Third, it is hard to be there for my mom and support her, when I am doing, and spending so much time with her. And finally, it is just stressing me out and wearing me down. She has been out of town for the past few days, and my life seems to actually have order for the first time in a few months. I don't even feel like I'm myself anymore.

Should I tell her that I am willing to babysit her kids, and only on a business level only? Or should I tell her that I cant babysit for her, or be friends? Is babysitting for her a way of enabling her to be with my dad?


#2

I say don't babysit - disengage in every way. Also, she told you something that she should not have. You have no obligation to keep silent about this. Maybe she wants you to tell your mother so that she can have your dad (who knows why she told you...). But you don't have to do anything to support this relationship which is clearly wrong. It is disrespectful to you and to your mother. She's put you in a situation where you have to lie to your mother. Is that acceptable to you? (I hope not) That's not to say that you will initiate the conversation, but if a question is asked, you should answer honestly. Don't make this something that puts a barrier between you and your mother. She (your mother) will feel betrayed by your dad and you.

Right now you know (from what you've written) that this woman isn't someone you want in your life. So don't keep her there. God will provide financial support in some other way.

Pray for God's guidance. Go see your priest and ask what would be the right way to handle this.


#3

Your not responsible for the choices all three people have made, but neither should you add to the fray.

When you get up in the morning and look in the mirror you want to see you, not a “spy” or “hypocrite” or “enabler of sin”. You will quickly get lost in the above fray, if you chose to remain with your girlfriend.

I believe her intentions are honest, i.e. to keep you as a friend she is informing you of her actions which will have an impact upon you. However, her actions are so sin based, that unless you are simply without a conscience you cannot remain and support her behavior - or your dad’s.

Your current stepmom is probably going to want to pull you in and share things about your dad that you do not need to know. You need to let her know, that you do not want to hear about their relationship.


#4

I kept it from my mom up until now. I told her today. She brought up the subject before Mass, and after praying about it the entire time, I told her afterwords. I think it's a pretty dumb thing to ask someone to keep important things from others. I told my husband as soon as i could, but unfortunately let it eat at me instead of telling my mom right away. :(

I wouldn't doubt it for a minute that she is trying to get my dad. We went out one night and she got really drunk. After she fell asleep, my dad kept texting her. I opened her phone up to tell him to quit texting, and instead stumbled on a text from her to my dad saying that she would wait forever for him if she had to. :(

I'm trying to stay as uninvolved as possible, but support my mom as much as I can. Which is why I'm trying to get this person out of my life. However, I love her kids, and don't think right to punish kids because of the sins of their parents. Which is why I'm having a hard time figuring out what to do.


#5

I would say stop babysitting. You are not the one putting these children in the situation. That is not your responsibility. Their Mom is the one doing that, and perhaps losing her child care will help her to see this. It seems to me, from the little that you have written, that this woman is using you to have yet another contact with your Dad. To wheedle her way into your family (and your Dad’s life). If you, as his daughter, are caring for her children it’s just another tie between the two of them.

You are wise to keep out of it. Taking sides is a natural human tendency. God will help you to stay out of it. You are not involved and you will only add more fuel to the fire for one or more of the people who are involved. Stay out of it. Stay away from this “friend”.

Steph


#6

I wouldn't trust anyone who told me to keep a secret from my husband.:mad:


#7

Why make a big drama ordeal out of it? Be up front and say "I am a Christian. I cannot in any way support or encourage such scandalous and sinful behavoir. I love and care for you as a friend, but, I will not be party to your sin."


#8

I am sorry but I would not trust a person like that. Not with my spouse, not with my kids and not with my extended family. She appears to have self destructive behaviors (getting drunk) and she is not fit to be around your children.


#9

well the decision was made for me. She told me today if she couldn't trust me to keep a secret then she cant trust me with her kids. I'm now having to pack up her children's things and drop them off at her house. :(


#10

[quote="Willsfirecracke, post:9, topic:187879"]
well the decision was made for me. She told me today if she couldn't trust me to keep a secret then she cant trust me with her kids. I'm now having to pack up her children's things and drop them off at her house. :(

[/quote]

Tell her that she can get her butt to your house and pick them up. :D


#11

She doesn't sound like much of a friend. Although you may be hurt, I think you are better off without her.

It's one thing to ask a friend to keep a secret -- it's another when the secret directly involves the person's family. It was unfair of her to ask you. Although, maybe she did it in purpose, knowing you would tell your mom, and that would break them up so she could get your dad.

The one thing you don't mention is if you have spoken to your dad? I think you should. I know it would be hard, but he should know that his actions are hurting everyone. He should also know that his "new girlfriend" is really like.


#12

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