Need help, marriage issue


#1

I need some advice on an issue I am having. My wife and I are about to celebrate our 6th year anniversary and have been having an issue in our marriage for a while now. We are distanced from each other by this problem occurring every so often and I wanted to get advice from other men who may have had a similar problem or anyone who might have insight into this.

The problem is when she and I are around other people, the way I act changes and I often end up hurting her in actions I do or things I say. It seems over time with this problem happening, I’ve noticed I don’t always act the same strange way, but I act in different strange ways with different people. I also think I may be imitating the behavior of the people I am around with her. Some examples would be not letting her finish a question, answering in a rude way, talking to her in a tone of voice that is not nice, even raising my voice at times.


#2

I am going to say this to you, only because I’ve said the exact same thing to myself at times, and I don’t mean to be uncharitable:

Your mouth gets you into trouble.

Easiest way to solve this? Keep your mouth shut around others. Seriously.

Think about it: Very, VERY few people have EVER gotten in trouble because they kept their mouths shut…lots of people cause a world of hurt because they can’t close their mouths when necessary.

Sometimes the simplest answer is the easiest. I sincerely hope this helps :slight_smile:


#3

Not a man but;
Strange ways… different people bring out different aspects of our personalities in my experience. Thing is, are they bringing out the best in you? Inconsistent with what you really value? Do you suppose those strange ways would be gone for good if you never interacted with these others (as if it would go away on it’s own)? Maybe you need to go fishing and look harder at the strange ways rather than stuff them down or avoid other people. If there’s some resentment you feel, earned or unearned, that you don’t look at it’s only going to turn up at the worst time like a bad penny.

Good luck with your marriage.


#4

Looks like she's helping you get to heaven...we all have trouble with our duality. She is pointing out that the duality in you is hurting her. Find out why you disrespect her in front of others. Then learn how to love her more obviously. (this is where, I think, marital grace is given to you...)

Peace.


#5

I am not sure there is a male or female perspective to this that you need. Rudeness is rudeness.

Perhaps you are trying to impress them by acting like them? However, try harder to impress your wife with kindness and it might be best to avoid people that seem to bring out this side of you. Since you know in a way, what causes it, and that you are in fact acting this way, only you can put an end to it. Yes, it is as simple as that.


#6

It might be a friend thing. I have a friend i get off-the-wall silly with…to the point where we get told by strangers to be quiet. Normally im quiet. You may just want to hang out with your friends alone so you dont hurt your wife


#7

Wow, I am impressed that you admitted this fact or that you are able to see this defect. Is it because your wife pointed it out or that she is on your back for it. Or do you sincerely feel sorry for your actions. If it is the latter then you can heal and change. First you must see your wife as yourself. She is one with you and whatever you do affects her. Do unto others has you would have them do unto you. This usually works but it takes time. Also you should reflect on what type of friends you hang out with. Maybe they find your behavior funny and so encourage you to act this way. If this is the case, change friends and seek those who do God's will; they would gently point out that you are mistreating your wife. If you don't change, one day you will wake up and find out that she wants to leave you.

God Bless


closed #8

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.