Need help, my sister depresses me


#1

Hello i just joined this forum and wondered if i can get advice.
I am trying hard to be a good catholic. I had a rough life with a lot of addictions and finally doing very good turning my life back to Jesus.
My problem is when i go to visit my sister she is so negative about everything in life when i leave her house i feel dragged down and depressed. She has been like this all her life she always has an excuse about not going to church on sunday. Its really too bad because shes getting older and I wish i could have a good relationship with her and her husband. But if i would try to tell her how i feel about this problem she would get very angry at me and would say words that are not nice
I feel i am committing a sin because God wants us to love each other and get along. Should i just stay away from her? If i do she still wil be mad at me i have my own problems im trying hard to live for God thanks for the help


#2

[quote="hornpout, post:1, topic:269312"]
Hello i just join this forum and wonderd if i can get advise i am trying hard to be a good catholic i had a rough life with allot of addictions and finally doing very good turn my life back to Jessus my problem is when i go to visit my sister she is so negative about everything in life when i leave her house i feel drag down and depress she has been like this all her life she always has an excuse about not going to church on sunday its really to bad because shes getting older an wish i could have a good relationship with her and her husband but if i would try to tell her how i feel about this problem she would get very angry at me and would say words that are not nice i feel i am making a sin because God wants us to love each other and get along should i just stay away from her if i do she still wil be mad at me i have my own problems im trying hard to live for God thanks for the help

[/quote]

Plz grammar proof and correct your syntax first.


#3

[quote="hornpout, post:1, topic:269312"]
Hello i just join this forum and wonderd if i can get advise i am trying hard to be a good catholic i had a rough life with allot of addictions and finally doing very good turn my life back to Jessus my problem is when i go to visit my sister she is so negative about everything in life when i leave her house i feel drag down and depress she has been like this all her life she always has an excuse about not going to church on sunday its really to bad because shes getting older an wish i could have a good relationship with her and her husband but if i would try to tell her how i feel about this problem she would get very angry at me and would say words that are not nice i feel i am making a sin because God wants us to love each other and get along should i just stay away from her if i do she still wil be mad at me i have my own problems im trying hard to live for God thanks for the help

[/quote]

Well, if you get dragged down, it is 2 down.
Your sister's problems are not yours.
Each one has to solve his/her won problems, no?
You may help but to a certain point...


#4

[quote="hornpout, post:1, topic:269312"]
Hello i just join this forum and wonderd if i can get advise i am trying hard to be a good catholic i had a rough life with allot of addictions and finally doing very good turn my life back to Jessus my problem is when i go to visit my sister she is so negative about everything in life when i leave her house i feel drag down and depress she has been like this all her life she always has an excuse about not going to church on sunday its really to bad because shes getting older an wish i could have a good relationship with her and her husband but if i would try to tell her how i feel about this problem she would get very angry at me and would say words that are not nice i feel i am making a sin because God wants us to love each other and get along should i just stay away from her if i do she still wil be mad at me i have my own problems im trying hard to live for God thanks for the help

[/quote]

Welcome to the forum. Yes, God wants us to love each other, but your sister is not loving you and love is a two way street. You ultimately have to make sure you are right with God. Hell is probably going to be full of "nice" people who tried to be right with others in a manner which drew them further from God, or hindered the path they walked.

If she is verbally combative and abusive, and her mere presence hurts your spiritual life, then don't have her in your life. That being said, you need to make sure you aren't being pushy in a manner which is encouraging her actions.

The best way to show your sister she is wrong, is to prove you're right. The only way for you to be right, is to seek after God. The only way for you to seek after God effectively, is to get rid of people, places and things in your life which negatively effect your relationship with God.

You said you struggle(d?) with addiction. Anything which hinders your walk will be more likely to lead you back to those addictions. That includes things which are largely not even related to the addiction.

Get addicted to God and get that fix every waking minute you can. Don't let anything get in the way of your eternal security, especially the often misunderstood concept of charity/love.

And for goodness sake, this is the internet. Please confirm anything you read here, particularly regarding this situation, with a Priest.


#5

[quote="hornpout, post:1, topic:269312"]
i feel i am making a sin because God wants us to love each other and get along should i just stay away from her if i do she still wil be mad at me i have my own problems i`m trying hard to live for God thanks for the help

[/quote]

Jesus says He comes with a sword and that sometimes we have to "hate our mother or father or brother or sister" to follow Him. I don't think the Scripture means "hate" like have bad feelings, but that you have to leave behind that which keeps your from Jesus even if it is family. Sometimes, we just have to walk away.

Try taking this to reconciliation, also.


#6

Welcome to CAF! :slight_smile:

I’m sure it is a delight to God to see you trying hard to be a good Catholic,
and that you have made progress in overcoming addictions. God knows how much you have endured.

Is it possible to make your visits to your sister shorter ones, so that you don’t become involved in conversations that undermine your efforts to be positive and healthy?

You can’t change your sister if she has been negative this all her life, but perhaps gradually, seeing you changed into a happier, more faith-filled person, you may be able to have some effect.
I’m sure you pray for her and her husband.

May God give you happiness and peace.


#7

[quote="hornpout, post:1, topic:269312"]
Hello i just joined this forum and wondered if i can get advice.
I am trying hard to be a good catholic. I had a rough life with a lot of addictions and finally doing very good turning my life back to Jesus.
My problem is when i go to visit my sister she is so negative about everything in life when i leave her house i feel dragged down and depressed. She has been like this all her life she always has an excuse about not going to church on sunday. Its really too bad because shes getting older and I wish i could have a good relationship with her and her husband. But if i would try to tell her how i feel about this problem she would get very angry at me and would say words that are not nice
I feel i am committing a sin because God wants us to love each other and get along. Should i just stay away from her? If i do she still wil be mad at me i have my own problems im trying hard to live for God thanks for the help

[/quote]

I certainly know how you feel.
Depending on the situation and past issues, you may not be able to do much beyond praying for her. You may however want to set certain boundries that will certainly upset her, but will set the peramiters of the relationship. Regardless of birth order YOU must be the one in control.


#8

Pray for your sister; make little offerings for her.

Once I had to go to a meeting and one of the people there was a lot like your sister, always complaining. When I mentioned how much I didn't want to go and why, my friend suggested I pray for him. What a novel idea! So I prayed--something like I am only praying for this man because my friend suggested it-- and by the time I arrived for the meeting, it was liked God had flipped my mind over. Sometimes prayer does not change the other person but us instead.

Another time I moved to a new area and there was a huge amount of stuff going on in my life. I talked it all over with a lady I met at a homeschooling group, and unbeknownst to me* she had her friends praying for me. One thing I noticed was that I handled the problems of that time much better than I normally could have! So sometimes prayer changes the person for whom it is prayed, too :)

Not visiting your sister right now iss indeed an option, but remember to pray for her. It may be that at some point in the future you will be able to stop by for short visits and handle small doses of her negativity, but if you are at point in your life where you can't don't worry about it. If you don't take care of yourself first, you won't be able to do anything for anyone else either.


#9

Hi-sorry to hear of your situation. Sometimes, close family members can be quite toxic and tough decisions must be made to keep one's sanity-trust me, I know....I went through a painful divorce in 2003, was pregnant when my ex left me. He took my other two kids away, thankfully, I got them back (my son now lives with his father-he is 15 with high-functioning autism). My father turned against me-is very close to my ex-husband. Very negative and sided with my ex against me, constantly bad-mouthing me to a point that I pulled away, having nothing to do with him. I had no choice-and it hurts. As a child growing up with autistic tendencies myself, my father was there for me. My mom passed-away from cancer when I was in my early '20s, and my dad married again. He changed and turned against me, and that is very painful for me, remembering how my father used to believe in me and used to be there for me at one time. Yet-I had no choice but to walk away to keep my own sanity. Oh-I am an air force veteran-still in the reserves, and yet frail with my dad situation-but I am at peace now. I know that I am not to blame for my son's autism-I learned from the VA (veteran medicine) that I also have mild aspergers which explains that it is not my parenting that caused my child's autism-it is genetics. I was fortunate to have gotten into the air force-and yet my own father constantly ran me down blaming me for my son's autism. My ex-husband also blames me yet it is no one's fault. I used to believe that but now know that no one is to blame. It just happens sometimes. My other two kids-one has fibromyalgia-he is 18 and my youngest has adhd and mild aspergers-yet she is very outgoing with friends-and in regular classes. What I am trying to say is that sometimes you must make difficult decisions to keep from being pulled down that negative slope-toxic people-whether my dad or your sister-just keep your distance-sometimes you must and know that you aren't doing it out of hate but out of self-perseverance. I know it is a hard choice but sometimes it must be made for your own well-being. Hugs......I'll keep you and your sister in my prayers.:signofcross::harp:
PS-I almost had a mental breakdown trying to be the person my dad and ex expected me to be-and seeing a therapist and a chaplain-well-they all told me to keep my distance-my father's own sister isn't even talking to him-and they used to be very close-just knowing that I wasn't alone took the weight off my shoulders.


#10

thank you so much for helping me with this situation i feel better God bless all you good people


#11

Bye all means ,don,t stay away from her,ask God to send the holy Spirit, to help change her addudite toward you,and leave it in God,s hand,s Pray work in mysterious ways Try talking to her in a differtant way, but don,t push the Issue,. May God Jesus and May help you. Amen


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