I would like to start off by saying that I am currently struggling with scrupulosity.
This past Sunday I was traveling with family to Europe and had a day layover in the U.S before we flew over so I made sure to go to Mass while I was still here. Unfortunately, I completely forgot about the Eucharistic fast and ate pizza a little before I left to go to Mass.
As I was driving over to Mass, I remembered about the required fast and how I ate pizza before leaving and, being scrupulous, I started getting worried. I went into the church and Mass went along as usual. The whole time I was trying to figure out what time I ate the pizza and at what time it would have to be an hour since I ate it.
The Mass was 11:30 to 12:30 and I left for Mass at 11:10 so I figured as long as we were going up for Communion by 12:10 I’d be fine since it was at least an hour before I ate. Communion started at 12:20 so I knew it was at least 1 hour since I had eaten and so I went to receive. I was considering before I went to receive that maybe I should just stay back and be on the safe side, but I chose to receive anyway.
After I got back from Mass I worked out that it was easily 1hrs. 30min between when I finished the pizza and when I received the Holy Eucharist. It is my understanding that it needs to be at least 1 hour between the easting and the time when you receive the Eucharist and not the beginning of Mass. Ok, so I didn’t eat within 1 hour of receiving Communion. Well… as a scrupulous person I still kept on worrying.
I may have made sure I didn’t eat for at least 1 hour before I received Communion, but since I forgot about the fast I didn’t actually “give anything up” per se. I just got lucky I didn’t eat for an hour before Communion. As a result, for the hour before Mass, I wasn’t really mentally preparing for Communion as I should have been. Does that mean I broke the rule since I wasn’t consciously fasting before Mass and then by realizing I hadn’t been fasting before I got to Mass and then receiving Communion anyway and in doing so committed a mortal sin? Also, I noted before I went to receive Communion that I still felt very full from the pizza and since I still had a lot of food in my stomach I didn’t know if I was in a state to receive for that reason. Even though I thought that at Mass, I still received anyway. Was that a mortal sin?
I know that it is not a requirement to receive at every Mass and so I should’ve probably just abstained to be on the safe side. I am also aware, though, of my scrupulosity and I am trying to not let that control me too much by keeping me away from the Eucharist because I’m always afraid of messing up.
What’s driving me crazy is that now I’m in a foreign country and I can’t go to confession because I can’t speak the language well enough. As a result, I can’t get to confession for the next few weeks. Normally I would just go to confession as soon as possible just to be safe and that would put my mind at ease.
This has been weighing down on me ever since and I don’t know what to do. Thank you all so very much and I appreciate all of your time.