I’m new here, and unfortunately, I’m the type of person who keeps a lot inside, and only stretches out to other people for advice when I truly have a problem.
To give a bit of background on myself, I was a foreign military diplomat working for the Department of Defense and had an incredible salary, owned a Merceds Benz, had apartments in different countries, traveled really the world over twice, and never really had a moment long enough to think where I was or what I was doing, and that somehow that differed for Gods plan for me. I had started a ministry years ago which concentrated on trying to save newborn and unborn babies from being aborted or abandoned after they were born through things like mentoring, adoption agencies and Safe Haven laws. As hard as I tried, ultimately the work of the ministry and so many things against me, made me stop doing it and ultimately drove me to go to work for the DoD and leave the country, in an attempt to sort of escape my own failures and a form also of running away from things.
I did this for a few years, yet I always had the strongest urge and feeling, I am not made to do this, I’m to do Gods work and devote my life to Ministry and the Church somehow. This was nagging on the inner being of my soul, and I would pray, God, I know you are calling me to greatness and do other things, but I don’t know what those other things are? At the same time, I do not feel like I can do them on my own, because when I had to in the past, it was were I failed and found myself giving up.
I was in Japan at the time, and I had gotten badly injured there, which caused me to me rushed back to the United States for medical attention. While recovering, by sheer fate, I met the most perfect Ministry parter I could have ever hoped for, and she too had the same desires, drive and feelings to do Ministry work and do what we could for the church. I believed so much, that this Ministry work was what God was calling me to do so much in, I gave up essentially everything I know and had lived with to embrace it. I gave up my job, my career, left my family and my home, and moved to another location to work with this person on what I still believe, is going to be a revolutionary Ministry and movement someday in the Catholic Church.
For some reason, I thought the hardest, darkest and most despair filled times in my life were over. And In actuality, I was completely wrong.
Everything went so perfect in the beginning, and then non stop opposition from almost everything began to happen. The local Bishop and Family Life’s office did not want to assit and help us as they had initially spoke of, things just kept going wrong, yet, the more people I talked to, the more they and I became so convinced, what we were doing was so right and soo needed!
My engine and drive inside was full steam ahead, and essentially I think the devil did what he could to try and de-rail me right then and there. Something happened in mid February, that sort of changed the way I saw and worked with my ministry partner. I began to have feelings for her, and at first, did absolutely everything I could to fight these off. I had felt, the devil was trying more tricks to simply distract me and get me off from my ultimate goal, which was working on the ministry.