I need some protocol advice!
I need to explain it though.
I would like to ask a friend for some significant financial assistance. This assistance is for another friend, whom I will call Robert, whom she knows of and has met (we want to marry when our annulments go through - which in our circumstances we are told is likely.) Robert is to sell his house and then when the Church says we are free to marry he will move here. Even if we do not marry, he needs to sell it as he is in a bad financial situation he needs to fix and this is the way to do it.
Robert needs to do some significant work on his house in order to sell it and be able to pay off mortgage and debt and still come out ahead. Its his only asset, and he can do ALL the work himself. I could go on more about why he needs to do the work, but this post could get long and complicated. So I will just say he needs to do the work and he needs the money for supplies.
He has drawn up detailed cost and time analysis for what needs to be done. He has already gotten started on his own and also with my financial help, painting much and also completely gutting and replacing a bathroom. But my funds are dry now.
He will get the money back to pay her from the top of the sale of the house OR from the top of his money he was willed him but is tied up (another long story, but closing that old matter is now being pursued legally and properly). There is no question she would get it back soon.
She has more means than most as a result of her intelligence and wisdom and her hard work over the years. We are friends through our common shared and valued Catholic faith. And I woudl prefer to never ask her for any money ever. We are in differing places financially but its not anything that ever comes up and I wish it never had to. I have never asked anyone for money, but I realize, sometimes we all need help.
So I am formulating in my mind how to ask. And I need to ask this week, or early next. (Then Robert leaves to return to his home (another state) and to do what work he can with the supplies he has, and I am not free to help him till summer, and he needs the supplies before that).
First of all, my friend can say no and she will still be my friend always. But I do want to make a good case for my friends needs, and I suspect the amount we are asking is something she would be able to do without too much trouble (but who can really know!) but I don’t want her to feel trapped or pressured in any way by my asking.
I want to invite her here (when my son isn’t home) to ask her, but I don’t want her to feel obligated if I serve her dinner (which I would do anyway!).
I thought we should both ask her, since it is for Robert. But maybe she will feel pressured with the two of us asking.
I want to ask her in person, but maybe I should tell her on the phone ahead of time I want to ask her for practical help with a problem???
Should I meet with her alone (she has met Robert, and they have talked, and she likes him and approves, etc., but she is MY friend) and ask her and then she can talk to the two of us if she feels she is still open when she hears me ask??
Just trying to think of the best least uncomfortable way more right way for me to ask her help, and not make her feel trapped, cornered, or obligated in anyway. So I would like some advice!