Need HELP with Natural Family Planning!


#1

Hi everyone,

My wife and I have been married for almost six years. She was on the Pill for 1 year and then we decided to have a baby. We were blessed with a daughter. Then we used barrier forms of birth control for one year. Then we had our second child. Since then (2 years ago) we’ve used barrier methods of birth control.

I’ve never been that comfortable using barrier mehods of birth control. In March of this year after listening to some lectures by Archbishop Fulton Sheen and after reading articles on the negative effects of birth control I told my wife that I wished to embrace natural family planning. She was very upset. She felt that I was trying to force her to have another baby. She says she’s not emotionally ready for it. I spoke to a S.J. priest about it and he said that we should continue doing what we’ve been doing, pray for each other and meet weekly to discuss it. Well we didn’t follow his instructions very well. I have grown resentful of this compromise and so a few weeks ago declared that I no longer wanted to use the barrier method of birth control. We ordered a machine that aids with identifying her various cycles.

We are both at odds over this and it is extremely challenging to feel like the enemy when I only wish to do what is and feels right. My question to the forum is how does one convince a spouse as to the benefits of NFP? Will it become self-evident once we start using it/if we start using it???

Thanks NFP2007


#2

A priest is not allowed to tell you to use contraception. Contraception is considered a mortal sin. Here is what I did: I told my husband I could no longer contracept because I cannot receive Jesus in the Eucharist while being in a state of mortal sin. He felt we were not ready to receive another child. I told him we had three options: 1) we could abstain until we were ready ( a perfectly legitimate way to postpone pregnancy according to the CC ) 2) we could choose to engage in relations and accept a child if it comes 3) we could try NFP. He wanted some time to think it over, and so we abstained for about a week after which NFP started looking better and better.:wink: I never denied him relations. I told him we could engage whenever he wanted so long as it would be fruitful. Be patient, kind and loving with your wife and above all, pray!

www.priestsforlife.org has a lot of great resources and advice.


#3

Agreeing with the previous post. The priest was WRONG in telling you to continue using artificial birth control. This is a rampant problem in the church. Too many priests don’t have the guts to tell people this is a SIN.

NFP is a very, very effective method of preventing pregnancy. If you and your wife take a class or even read a book, and follow the rules, her risk of a surprise pregnancy is equivalent to the pill.

I learned out of this book:

amazon.com/Art-Natural-Family-Planning/dp/0926412132

Order the book, you can start using the rules NOW (although you may have to use a little abstinence until your wife figures out where she is in her cycle).

If you do a search here on NFP, you will find a ton of info on this subject. There are many studies on effectiveness that you can show your wife to give her peace of mind.

I myself have been using Nfp for over 3 years and the only time I got pg was when DH and I intentionally threw the rules out the window and put things in God’s hands. I’m so glad I did too, cuz little Jacob is just so cute. :smiley:

ETA let us all remember to pray for these priests leading their flock into mortal sin. I just recently heard about another guy whose priest gave him the green light to get a vasectomy, he would not have done it otherwise.

These priests souls are in serious danger.


#4

I also wanted to add that it has taken a few years to get DH’s complete cooperation. In the beginning, I just told him I was absolutely not participating in using condoms anymore. In some ways he was supportive, but he had a very, very hard time accepting the abstinence. He was raised in a non-Catholic family that put a lot of emphasis on sex. :rolleyes:

The first year was HARD on me because it felt like every month I was in a tug of war with him. But now things are getting easier. DH doesn’t complain as much as he used to and there isn’t anymore stress on our relationship.

Things may be rocky for you and your wife also. But you must put your foot down. Your soul comes first. Always.

If she chooses to use ABC regardless of how you feel, just remember that you are not culpable for that sin. It is on her. But that wouldn’t count if she insisted you use a condom because, well, that requires your participation.

Take some time and pray about this. God will lead you and someday he’ll bring her around.


#5

You didn’t state what machine your wife ordered.

If it is a ClearBlue Easy Fertility Monitor then you might want to contant the Marquette University’s School of Nursing to learn how to incorporate it into NFP use. You can email the NFP Institute and they will contact you within a few days, the method uses the monitor as a cross-check to Cervical Mucous signs (these are still primary). They have developed a protocol to use during breastfeeding as well. It is the method we currently use. Your wife might also appreciate the ability to ask the researchers questions via email or phone call, they are great with answering those things (as are all the methods out there, you can contact any method for more help & info they are all great :thumbsup: )

The biggest factor for me was researching different methods and learning the scientific & spiritual aspects it helped me see that it was the only method that I could ever use again. I have Taking Charge of Your Fertility, got other articles & books, read about the method & learned what the Church actually taught about sex & marriage. It wasn’t overnight but thanks be to God, God lead me & my husband to NFP.

This is a good site for finding out more about NFP and offers lots of medical info, along with a directory of NFP Docs & methods: omsoul.com/

Remember to pray for your wife to have her heart & mind opened to NFP! Whenever my husband & I hit bumps in our journey to NFP it was prayer and God’s grace got us through them.

Prayers for you and your wife as you continue on this journey:gopray2:


#6

Thanks to everyone that responded. Do pray for us and thanks again for the support. BTW, the machone is the Lady Comp from Germany.


#7

For a free, short online “How-To” NFP manual, go to www.nfpandmore.org. This 84-page manual covers all the fertility signs and the Seven Standards of eco-breastfeeding. This website offers a variety of information to support Church teaching and the use of NFP. Sheila


#8

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