I am a Catholic only recently beginning to practice. The only sacrament I have received is that of Baptism. Due to my present circumstances, that is the only sacrament I am able to attain. My question regards the art of praying. I have read a couple of books, etc on the subject, but it’s the actual act of praying I am having issue with.
Over the last several years my family has been going through some very difficult circumstances (i.e. we have been alienated from the majority of my husband’s family, cheated by family members, loss of employment, now the loss of our house, etc). I have to believe these trials are a means for God to get our attention - and bring us “lost sheep” back “into the fold”. No matter how much I attempt to search for and work toward a closer relationship with God, I have been “on my own” for so long that I don’t know how to really submit to God’s will in my life. I say that I am turning my suffering, trials, hardships over to God’s care, but immediately bring it back to rest on my own shoulders. In turn I catch myself begging and nagging God to help me but I don’t give him the opportunity to help! I don’t know how to “let go and let God”. I don’t know how to be patient and let things happen on God’s time - not mine - when I have decisions to make and deadlines to meet and nothing is happening. I guess my faith is in such an infancy stage that I don’t know how to “see” or “hear” when God tells me something. I’m always afraid I have missed the answer he has given me - or too “blind” and “deaf” to receive the message.
Sorry to have rambled on, but I feel so lost and alone, that I feel I have missed the “forest for the trees!” Also, my husband tells me that we shouldn’t pray for ourselves, it is more beneficial to pray for your enemies and others in need, then our needs will be met also. This causes me more anxiety as I am so self-centered and self-focused right now because of my circumstances that I can’t even force myself to see beyond myself right now. It seems to be a never ending circle that I can’t get out of.