Need input (same stuff as always)


#1

As you must have figured out, Ol’ Chev is quick to give advice about relationship but fails miserably at getting his own stuff in order. Got myself to the point of needing advice for a second time this year.

So basically, there’s that lady who’s very much to my liking. I think I’ve overdone things a little (or a little more than a little), maybe to the point of pushiness but not on the rude side. After the last post-grad class we shared, although I knew she’d be somewhat busy, I asked her if she wouldn’t still feel like going out somewhere for a while after class, she didn’t, I told her I would just walk her or something like that. She accepted with a smile, I told her, joking, “unless you’ve had enough of me for now!”, she nibbled playfully at that, showing jestful hesitation, but it could be seen there was something there! So I told her to meditate upon the subject and went to get my coat. After what felt like a year or so, she came down and I could swear she wasn’t unhappy to meet me, well, I can tell when someone sees you, walks faster to meet you etc. Asked her where her meditations had led her, she said she had told me what situation she was in (a bad life situation, don’t know what exactly but it’s putting its mark on her), she just didn’t feel like babbling, thus she would suggest… I interrupted her right then and told her okay, I was very tired myself. She said something of which I remember two expressions: “next month” (when next class is to be) and “afresh”, she added that maybe she would have rested by then, followed by a somewhat familial goodbye expression (that some people do use with strangers these times anyway but was somewhat noticeable).

So obviously, the whole “afresh” thread was new to me and I’m a bit at a loss as to the meaning of it, as in what heck is going on there, but I don’t really want to analyse. I just don’t care to waste my life essence like that any more. Rather, my issue is what to do now.

I could probably not give up and send her an unintrusive message saying, “but if you do want to talk, shoot away,” or something like that, or I could use the trial lawyer’s favourite strategy, i.e. play stupid, and insist on asking her out anyway. But to tell you something, I’d hate to, and I’m tired of going against people’s own stated wishes for their own good. And for Christmas, I want a girl who reacts enthusiastically to my proposals. But I don’t have enough data to nail the causes of things and make reliable conclusions. Perhaps solving this little diplomatic crisis by subtle application of superior firepower could be just the right thing to do.

Or I could last the month and see where it leads. I surely can wait it out but I wonder if I wouldn’t be making a mistake in so doing. It’s not like I’m big in love or anything, just a small crush I’m not seeing fit to act upon before gathering enough data. Frankly, not the only extant crush at the moment but the other ones are burned.

Basically, I’ve just finished a humongous project, 1500 pages went through my hands in one week, I don’t feel like working for a while (a longer while), and it paid almost half my yearly earnings from the last place I was employed. And my sister is in Rome, working part-time and enjoying the City. I could fly there even next week. I surely could have a great time roaming the caput mundi and reminiscing (I was a classical scholar of sorts some 10 years ago) and barely get back to class by 13 November. Rejuvenated like heck and stronger. Once again the king of the world, exactly as I was when I was 17 or 18. :wink: Meanwhile, before I leave, there’s still work to do for the other academic course (the Ph.D.) and if I really wanted to, I could do a quick project or two for job or just play Battle for Middle Earth when too tired. But I’m just a little bit uneasy about this. Maybe I’m getting something wrong. I won’t be able to tell because I’m emotionally involved, so I’m not seeing things as clearly as a bystander.

Thoughts, folks? Thanks.

Incidentally, my keyboard is approaching dating age.


#2

Fly to Rome.


#3

go with your gut on this: ** But to tell you something, I'd hate to, and I'm tired of going against people's own stated wishes for their own good. ** it's respectful of others AND respectful of your good instincts (or repeated self-incrimination, which you may have earned....)

and.... since you're asking, buy the ticket. send us pictures from rome!!!


#4

[quote="bkayw, post:2, topic:216830"]
Fly to Rome.

[/quote]

:thumbsup:


#5

It doesn't sound like it's you chev -- it sounds like it's her and what ever is going on with her life - I wouldn't push it and maybe because you didn't if the timing is right later it will work out.


#6

[quote="chevalier, post:1, topic:216830"]

I could probably not give up and send her an unintrusive message saying, "but if you do want to talk, shoot away," or something like that, or I could use the trial lawyer's favourite strategy, i.e. play stupid, and insist on asking her out anyway. But to tell you something, I'd hate to, and I'm tired of going against people's own stated wishes for their own good.

[/quote]

I'm sorry... Could you explain this statement. On the surface it gives me the creeps.

I don't understand how these words have anything to do with asking a person out.

INSIST??? Tired of going against people's own stated wishes?... And for their own good?


#7

[quote="faithfully, post:6, topic:216830"]
I'm sorry... Could you explain this statement. On the surface it gives me the creeps.

[/quote]

I have that effect on some people but not most. I'll try to explain it as best I can. :)

INSIST???

Yes, insist, in the literary meaning, like a person insists on marching on despite it's cold and rainy, or a quirky car insists on breaking every couple thousand miles. :)

Tired of going against people's own stated wishes?... And for their own good?

"Oh, sir, I know you said you only respect plain old rectangular keyboards but you really ought to try out this new ergonomic piece, it will do your fingers good, trust me on this one..."
"Uhmm... okay..." Next week: "Wow, dood! You're my new best friend! This is so cool not having carpal inflammation kill me with each word I type!".

Probably everybody working in sales or services knows the trick. According to some theories, this is how women are won over by manly men. I don't care for that. Usually. I'll just save people from themselves occasionally.

[quote="joandarc2008, post:5, topic:216830"]
It doesn't sound like it's you chev -- it sounds like it's her and what ever is going on with her life - I wouldn't push it and maybe because you didn't if the timing is right later it will work out.

[/quote]

Yes, there is definitely a lot of things going on in her life, but truth be told I did start a conversation with her every time a break started and ideally continued it until it was over and when the whole class was over, guess what. ;) Due to my personality and maybe my upbringing, I tend to fall out with the expectations of modern women, who put much emphasis on space and the whole gave of just the right amount of pressure. ;)

I don't like the whole "timing" and "moment" thing, either, to tell the truth. As in, to my mind, if you get a good opportunity, you react to it, you don't wait on a ripe time. In my impression, many young women these days seem to be waiting on some magical "moment" and there must be the right moment (like the right constellation of stars) for anything. To me it sometimes feels like being a Feng-Shui believer's gardener. ;)


#8

I agree with the poster who says it's probably not about you at all, but about her and whatever is going on in her life. I would think maybe 'selling' yourself is not as important to her as respecting what she has said already. It sounds like you will see her in a month anyway, correct?

It can be hard when you think/feel you can really help someone and they say no or are not ready but I've learned to respect what they say, it has never helped me to ignore someone else's sense of timing. this has come up in female friendships. the few times I've tried, people have either socialized without a lot of interest or made it clear that it's not right for them.

Getting a good opportunity does not in my personal point of view mean disrespecting her sense of timing. What is good from your point of view may not be from hers, at least not right now. It doesn't sound like you will never see her again. You sound really intelligent and knowledgeable. Maybe you'd get a lot out of that trip to Rome ;)


#9

I would say go to Rome. This lady doesnt seem that into you at this time for whatever the reasons are.


#10

[quote="silentstar, post:8, topic:216830"]
It sounds like you will see her in a month anyway, correct?

[/quote]

Yes, I will, and the time will have passed pretty much unnoticedly.

It can be hard when you think/feel you can really help someone and they say no or are not ready but I've learned to respect what they say, it has never helped me to ignore someone else's sense of timing. this has come up in female friendships. the few times I've tried, people have either socialized without a lot of interest or made it clear that it's not right for them.

I generally tend to end up with bad timing. Women who are in situations.

You sound really intelligent and knowledgeable. Maybe you'd get a lot out of that trip to Rome ;)

Thank you. Yes, I definitely would. I would basically roam the City on foot with an MP3 player until I walked me feet off and then some and relax. I have a couple of options as to when to fly, I could certainly squeeze in a meeting with a lady, though frankly, I don't want drama before a trip and probably would prefer no such substances in my brain.

[quote="Marie5890, post:9, topic:216830"]
I would say go to Rome. This lady doesnt seem that into you at this time for whatever the reasons are.

[/quote]

I thought that too. Somehow always when I switch from just social, courteous, debonair flirting to actually wanting someone's company, I get a reception that can be described as, "thorougly unspectacular." When I start caring to get know someone or become fond of the company, I stop being tall and handsome with a law degree and whatever else I might have been, I start being more like invisible, even to a woman who had been flirting like she were high. Then no, they only ever wanted to be friends or some "situation" story, no, but no... and then sooner or later they phone me on their own. So basically something kills it for them when I return their interest or state my own, but when I'm no longer there then they want me to be (when at that point they've lost much or most of their attractiveness to me) and I've never been able to figure out the cause. A bit like they want a guy who's not all that into them. Well, I won't oblige that wish. ;) But I'm digressing. ;) Basically, same stuff as always. I'm interested, she's not. ;) Though who knows. I certainly don't know what the whole "afresh" (or "on fresh terms", depending on translation) thing meant, it was a surprise to me. Darn it, I'm going to Rome.


#11

Chev, I don't really have any "words of wisdom" for you, but I'm riding a public autobus, reading your thread, and just burst into laughing every minute or so. I must be looking like stupid. :p

But you know what? With your sense of humor, you are already a winner, no matter how this affair turns out. :thumbsup:


#12

Chev,

I have to say you are quite witty and very well spoken (written?). I vote for "Rome or Bust." This lady will come around or not . . . but if it is the latter, it will truly be her loss.

Send us pictures, eh?

Peace,
Trinity


#13

[quote="chevalier, post:10, topic:216830"]
Yes, I will, and the time will have passed pretty much unnoticedly.

I generally tend to end up with bad timing. Women who are in situations.

Thank you. Yes, I definitely would. I would basically roam the City on foot with an MP3 player until I walked me feet off and then some and relax. I have a couple of options as to when to fly, I could certainly squeeze in a meeting with a lady, though frankly, I don't want drama before a trip and probably would prefer no such substances in my brain.

I thought that too. Somehow always when I switch from just social, courteous, debonair flirting to actually wanting someone's company, I get a reception that can be described as, "thorougly unspectacular." When I start caring to get know someone or become fond of the company, I stop being tall and handsome with a law degree and whatever else I might have been, I start being more like invisible, even to a woman who had been flirting like she were high. Then no, they only ever wanted to be friends or some "situation" story, no, but no... and then sooner or later they phone me on their own. So basically something kills it for them when I return their interest or state my own, but when I'm no longer there then they want me to be (when at that point they've lost much or most of their attractiveness to me) and I've never been able to figure out the cause. A bit like they want a guy who's not all that into them. Well, I won't oblige that wish. ;) But I'm digressing. ;) Basically, same stuff as always. I'm interested, she's not. ;) Though who knows. I certainly don't know what the whole "afresh" (or "on fresh terms", depending on translation) thing meant, it was a surprise to me. Darn it, I'm going to Rome.

[/quote]

The whole "afresh" thing to me,at least, sounds like something some females say when they are trying to let the guy down easy but still want him to be interested if they ever change their mind and want to date him. Or she could be in some kind of relationship already and is waiting to break up with the guy or something, if that's what she means by "afresh." Either way, if she was really interested, she wouldn't be acting so coy.

Have fun in Rome.


#14

[quote="Joseph_L_Varga, post:11, topic:216830"]
Chev, I don't really have any "words of wisdom" for you, but I'm riding a public autobus, reading your thread, and just burst into laughing every minute or so. I must be looking like stupid. :p

[/quote]

Happens to me even without anything to read! :p On a serious (erm!) note, thank you, Joseph, you always manage to improve my mood. :)

But you know what? With your sense of humor, you are already a winner, no matter how this affair turns out. :thumbsup:

You mean I will one day find a girl despite the fact I own 21 computer keyboards? :D

[quote="Trinity117, post:12, topic:216830"]
Chev,

I have to say you are quite witty and very well spoken (written?).

[/quote]

Thankee! Part of my charm that makes for a great first impression, great lasting impression and poor everything in the middle!

I vote for "Rome or Bust."

Yup! First debts have been collected today. I won't have to rely so heavily on my credit card. I'm probably going to loiter around the Tibre for 18 days, running away from here on Monday and not getting back ere the third Friday! My Italian friend is recommending Florence too for a day or two or so. If my clients keep streaming their dues steadily, I might be able to take a trip or five. They probably won't let me see the Rota from the inside. :(:D

This lady will come around or not . . . but if it is the latter, it will truly be her loss.

:tiphat:

Not a few have been entirely comfortable with that loss.

Send us pictures, eh?

I shall!


#15

You know - only on a religious forum - can we refer to something as an affair when not a single date has been had or a single kiss exchanged - God bless us all for chastity.


#16

Hmmm. :hmmm: That’s exactly what happened to me, with a girl who was a big fan of Florence and the Italian Rinascimento (I think that’s how they call that period that made Florence famous, and talk about Quadrocento, Cinquecento, as in 14th, 15th centuries), btw. When she said LJBF, I couldn’t really decode her message, because she acted as someone who really enjoyed my company. So, yeah, let’s-just-be-friends, and there was even something else she said, something like “I don’t want to lose your friendship”, and boy, there I was, disoriented :hypno: like an old magnetic compass in the middle of the junkyard, until I finally heard that she had another love interest. :doh2: Then, it started to make sense. She was interested in me, but she was also interested in the other guy, actually more interested in the other guy than me, but she didn’t feel like losing me either, if that makes sense. Not saying that this is what the lady is doing in Chevalier’s case, but any triangle situation, or even when a girl is potentially interested yet undecided about whether to commit and would rather bid her time, could lead to such mixed messages as in acting one way and talking a different way.

Yes, go to Florence! :slight_smile:

As for me, I never got to marry that girl who loved Florence, take her to Florence on our honeymoon, and live happily forever after with HER, but who knows, maybe I will do it one day with SOMEONE ELSE! :stuck_out_tongue:

And I’ve heard that Florence is a beautiful city! Really! :wink: :smiley:

LOL, I agree! Good to be among people who strive for chastity, meekness, an innocent way of life, and a pure heart!


#17

Gentlemen, you two have just provided quite good reasons as to why I don’t want to get into the whole analysis business despite having two professions that make a living off it. You will not get reliable results when you try, but (almost) invariably you will get your facepalm moment sooner or later when all becomes clear, without trying. Besides, I feel somewhat tempted to find out how it feels when I don’t try to figure it out before the clarity moment but live on with my life and actually have fun doing so.

(This should not be confused with being disinterested/caring less to “get a woman”—I would have a hard time respecting one who fell for a guy precisely for it.)

Right now, accommodation in Rome is a far more compelling subject of analysis. :wink:

@Joan: It’s impossible for her not to have noticed the openness to a different kind of acquaintance but surely not remotely close to the point of kissing! The only time I ever kissed her was on the hand when exchanging names but that’s what every woman gets. :wink:


#18

Ladies and gents, here be photos!

Rome:
facebook.com/profile.php?id=605880947#!/album.php?aid=294919&id=605880947
Tivoli:
facebook.com/profile.php?id=605880947#!/album.php?aid=294935&id=605880947
St. Peter's:
facebook.com/profile.php?id=605880947#!/album.php?aid=294951&id=605880947
St. Paul's (beyond the Walls):
facebook.com/profile.php?id=605880947#!/album.php?aid=294957&id=605880947
Rome Cont'd:
facebook.com/profile.php?id=605880947#!/album.php?aid=294966&id=605880947

Florence pending.

And the woman has been got over.


#19

Public links:

facebook.com/album.php?aid=294919&id=605880947&l=2949fdbd6b
facebook.com/album.php?aid=294935&id=605880947&l=0e46fcf851
facebook.com/album.php?aid=294951&id=605880947&l=80b13ea02f

facebook.com/album.php?aid=294957&id=605880947&l=3cbb078f4c
facebook.com/album.php?aid=294966&id=605880947&l=0df13c6a3b

Now it should work without having to log into Facebook!


#20

Oh, Chev! Thank you for taking the time to post your photos. . . how inspiring! I needn't ask how your trip is . . . how can it be anything except wonderful?

Glad that lady had been gotten over! ;)

Peace,
Trinity


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