As you must have figured out, Ol’ Chev is quick to give advice about relationship but fails miserably at getting his own stuff in order. Got myself to the point of needing advice for a second time this year.
So basically, there’s that lady who’s very much to my liking. I think I’ve overdone things a little (or a little more than a little), maybe to the point of pushiness but not on the rude side. After the last post-grad class we shared, although I knew she’d be somewhat busy, I asked her if she wouldn’t still feel like going out somewhere for a while after class, she didn’t, I told her I would just walk her or something like that. She accepted with a smile, I told her, joking, “unless you’ve had enough of me for now!”, she nibbled playfully at that, showing jestful hesitation, but it could be seen there was something there! So I told her to meditate upon the subject and went to get my coat. After what felt like a year or so, she came down and I could swear she wasn’t unhappy to meet me, well, I can tell when someone sees you, walks faster to meet you etc. Asked her where her meditations had led her, she said she had told me what situation she was in (a bad life situation, don’t know what exactly but it’s putting its mark on her), she just didn’t feel like babbling, thus she would suggest… I interrupted her right then and told her okay, I was very tired myself. She said something of which I remember two expressions: “next month” (when next class is to be) and “afresh”, she added that maybe she would have rested by then, followed by a somewhat familial goodbye expression (that some people do use with strangers these times anyway but was somewhat noticeable).
So obviously, the whole “afresh” thread was new to me and I’m a bit at a loss as to the meaning of it, as in what heck is going on there, but I don’t really want to analyse. I just don’t care to waste my life essence like that any more. Rather, my issue is what to do now.
I could probably not give up and send her an unintrusive message saying, “but if you do want to talk, shoot away,” or something like that, or I could use the trial lawyer’s favourite strategy, i.e. play stupid, and insist on asking her out anyway. But to tell you something, I’d hate to, and I’m tired of going against people’s own stated wishes for their own good. And for Christmas, I want a girl who reacts enthusiastically to my proposals. But I don’t have enough data to nail the causes of things and make reliable conclusions. Perhaps solving this little diplomatic crisis by subtle application of superior firepower could be just the right thing to do.
Or I could last the month and see where it leads. I surely can wait it out but I wonder if I wouldn’t be making a mistake in so doing. It’s not like I’m big in love or anything, just a small crush I’m not seeing fit to act upon before gathering enough data. Frankly, not the only extant crush at the moment but the other ones are burned.
Basically, I’ve just finished a humongous project, 1500 pages went through my hands in one week, I don’t feel like working for a while (a longer while), and it paid almost half my yearly earnings from the last place I was employed. And my sister is in Rome, working part-time and enjoying the City. I could fly there even next week. I surely could have a great time roaming the caput mundi and reminiscing (I was a classical scholar of sorts some 10 years ago) and barely get back to class by 13 November. Rejuvenated like heck and stronger. Once again the king of the world, exactly as I was when I was 17 or 18. Meanwhile, before I leave, there’s still work to do for the other academic course (the Ph.D.) and if I really wanted to, I could do a quick project or two for job or just play Battle for Middle Earth when too tired. But I’m just a little bit uneasy about this. Maybe I’m getting something wrong. I won’t be able to tell because I’m emotionally involved, so I’m not seeing things as clearly as a bystander.
Thoughts, folks? Thanks.
Incidentally, my keyboard is approaching dating age.