Need lots of prayers- Please


#1

I have a bad issue that is just getting worse and I need some prayers.

Long story short, my DH is in Iraq currently and his sister is getting married less than a month after his return.

She has made some very hateful, hurtful remarks about me lately and is now currently trying to get my husband to believe her when she says I’m crazy. (I wish this wasn’t true, but she hates me because I’m Catholic. If I was any other denomination of Christianity, she wouldn’t care). She’s even told him that I have to personally tell her to not smack my children, otherwise if they are in her house, she’ll threaten them with a spanking or spank them if she sees it fit, even if I’m there.

I don’t want the girls in her wedding and I’m starting to doubt my senility regarding my reasons why I don’t want them. I don’t trust her because I’m afraid if my girls behave as normal kids, she’ll spank them. (they’re 6 and 4)

At this point, I am at a crossroads. I told my DH that the kids and I would not be attending her wedding and gave him my reasons. I feel that he is trying to stay out of the argument and, if he was to jump in, he would side with his sister.

I feel that his sister is trying to destroy my marriage. I’ve always had feelings that she was but now she’s proving it through actions and words.

Have you ever felt like the world was trying their hardest to convince you, or the significant people in your life, that you’re crazy, but you know that you’re not?

So I need some prayers. I need to know that I’m not crazy. I’m so hurt right now and not only does my DH not need this right now, neither do I.


#2

I am so sorry you are going through this. I think many of us are/will be happy to know that you are not allowing her such unlimited access to your children during her wedding. (For anyone new, there was a thread–now lost to the crash–working through tamccrackine’s reasons.)

Shame on your SIL to do this to her brother while he is fighting a war! How dare she add to his stress at a time when he should be concentrating on his safety and getting home. And believe me, if you were to give me her number, I would tell her that myself! (We army wives need to stick together!)

Keep your husband covered in prayer and try to limit the amount that he hears from her. (I know it is hard when she is emailing.)

You are a wonderful wife and mother. You are doing the absolute right thing to take care of your children. You are not crazy. You have God on your side as well as all your CAF friend! He wants your marriage to be healthy more than you do.

A dear friend on mine went through this while her husband was in Iraq as well. She made the beautiful statement that because you are one in the sacrament of marriage, your prayers count for him. Just keep praying.


#3

What is crazy about wanting to protect your young, vulnerable girls from someone who plans and anticipates spanking them without your permission? The very idea of someone touching my child in a hurtful way just brings up a Mama Bear instinct in me, as I’m sure it does in you, too.

Keep your girls away from this woman. Until your DH returns home, I wouldn’t spend any time interacting with her. If they aren’t going to be in the wedding then taking a break should be feasible. Being around SIL might just feed her fire anyway and create more issues for your DH to have to hear about. If you aren’t around her, there is nothing new she can ‘report’ to your husband. It will just be the same meaningless drivel about how you won’t bring your kids over (to which, if DH mentions it, you simply say it’s a safety issue and his sister is spank-happy).

Just an opinion from someone outside the situation, but I would be very disturbed by a person–their aunt, no less–who is so obsessed with her ‘right’ to smack my children. That just isn’t normal. She seems willing to hurt your babies in order to hurt you. STAY AWAY!!


#4

This insanity is still going on?!? Why are you permitting this woman to have any involvement with any of you?! Don’t answer her calls, don’t attend gatherings where she is, don’t invite her over. Cut the cancer out of your life.

You are in solo command while your husband is away and while it certainly may not be fair–YOU have to deal with this situation. Do NOT burden him with this. I am sorry you are the target of such disgusting behaviour–but straighten your backbone and take control of this situation. If, in the process of protecting yourself and your kids you “upset” this psychotic SIL–(and/or any other family members who are afraid of her) are we going to lose any sleep over it!!! NO! There is nothing you can do to please or placate this nut. Stay away from her–she’s like a poisonous oil slick on what should be a calm lake.


#5

Until DH returns, keep contact with this one to a minimum, be polite at encounters and smile-it’ll drive her nuts if she cannot perceive her marked impact on you. I’d also wait to see how your husband reacts in-person and not by suspect. He should storm in to protect his wife and children with the same vigor of his training. Given where DH is stationed, this one is vert celf-centered.

However, it doesn’t sound like you’re confident in what you had hoped for in a spouse. I also suspect that her dislike for you, if in fact it is because of your Catholicism, isn’t something that happened over-night. You were aware of it but you married into this family anyway. I regret the chastisement but, if I’m reading your portrayal correctly, one must accept one’s own role in the matter before an effective course of action can be had otherwise one stagnates in victimization. (If you can correct me on this, please do, I’d like nothing more than to be wrong about this point.)

Untill DH’s return, take Island Oak’s advice. The only attitude you have control of is your own. The rest will have to play out.


#6

Thank you for your responses. I actually have a stronger backbone than what is implied, Island Oak. I have not had any contact with her until fairly recently when my DH came home on R&R and she demanded an answer as to whether or not the girls would be in her wedding. As a couple, my DH and I were still discussing it. Otherwise, I have ZERO contact with his family, for the very reason Princess Abby gave.

RC1960- I know what I married into, however when we got married, his family stayed out of our business (believe it or not). It wasn’t until we had to send out the “witness” forms for my DH’s Dispensation of Cult (which HAD to go to at least one family memeber on either side) that the remarks started to come. Then they got worse when we Baptised our first DD. Then it was an all out assault when they realized I wasn’t backing out of the Church. So yes, I knew them before marrying, but wasn’t aware of their anti-Catholicism. (to clear matters, I wasn’t a practicing Catholic but they knew when they asked what religion I was, I still answered Catholic) Had I picked any other Protestant sect of Christianity, they wouldn’t have a problem. My husband has also shown on numerous occassions that he’d rather not “rock the boat” and tries to appease both sides. So that’s something that he’s been working on for the better part of three months now and this tirade from his sister is the result of an email from him to her telling her she needs to mind her p’s and q’s when it comes to his family. (BTW, he is working on coming into the Church, so it’s been baby steps for him in dealing with his family- kwim?) So at the time of my writing the post, I had a legitimate concern that he wouldn’t stand up the way he needed to.

However, I was able to actually speak with my DH for three hours yesterday because his sister wrote him back. In short, and in not so many words, she attempted to make him see her “side of the story”, claimed I twisted the story, and she apologized that I have only given him “half truths”. She thought it necessary to try to cast doubt in my DH’s eyes about me and how I’ve handled certain situations. For example, I told my 6 yr old she wasn’t allowed to have a sleep over with an 8 yr old boy that I don’t know, don’t know the parents and uh… anyone else notice that it’s a boy and my SIL told my DH that I “blew my top” and told my child it’s inappropriate although she thinks it’s ok. (I know… .it’s stupid, but this is just an example of her trying to cast doubt, kwim?)

We were able to discuss all this and I told him that I will write the letter back to her seeing how the letter to him was about me. He was able to give me the confidence that he’d stand beside me with what I was to write, and at the end of the email, I wrote that the girls and I would not be attending the wedding.

So now she knows that there is no discussing the situation, my mind is made up and I won’t put my children at risk.

Obviously, with all the people that have looked at this thread and not responded with a post, I sincerely appreciate all the prayers. They have helped me to kind of remain calm and to write a pretty decent letter that was more full of Christian love than I could muster yesterday. So THANK YOU!!! Thank you from the bottom of my heart.


#7

I remember your post that was lost in the great crash of 2006.

You are so right to keep your children away from this women. You know best and you need to remember that. You husband has been backing you, if I remember correctly. You are on the right track. Continue to keep away from her.

Many prayers your way. Also prayers for your husband.

( I love the song that you use in your signature.)


#8

Good for you for telling her you all won’t be in her wedding. If I were you from now on I’d tell my hubby that I don’t want anything to do with her. Next time you get to talk with him, you should agree not to talk about her. Don’t let your anger at her become the focus of your marriage, kwim? I’d tell him you’re not interested in anything she has to say and share this plan with him to cut her out of your life, and his if he agrees, by ignoring her antics and staying far away from her.

If she tries to contact you I think you should just ignore it.

I know it’s hard and painful having to deal with this especially with your husband in Iraq. Family should be there for each other in times of stress. It’s too bad she’s decided to act this way. Your family is in my prayers.

Stay Strong,
crystal


#9

**first - I love that song too!:slight_smile: **


**second - I second Crystal. Do not talk or communicate with this woman at all. If you must stick strickly to polite conversation. (like the weather!) No matter what you say, she’ll twist into amo and shoot you in the hinney with it.:smiley: **


You and dh can just develop a standard operating procedure of “I’ll get back to you.” Then he can talk to you (email or whatever) or you can talk to him, then when you both agree - HE can respond to her for you both.


My dh is not military, but he used to have lots of long stressfull business trips and he says you shouldn’t shield dh. I used to do that and it made my dh feel like an outsider in his own home because he didn’t know what was going on or have any share in it. Just another perspective on that.


#10

Trust me, he knows I won’t talk to her. I haven’t made contact with her since March, but she made contact with me in July to “coordinate” stuff with me about when DH was going to be home and I was in IM with him at that point and I flipped a lid because she was telling me what to do. He saw it too, so he knows why I don’t bother with her. I have caller ID so trust me, no phone call will be answered.

The most important part is now I feel more confident that DH knows FULL well what is going on and he’s on my side. Over the past past four years, she had made me feel as if I wasn’t #1 in his life and for some stupid, odd reason, it bothered me (I was more ashamed that I had allowed her to get to me). But this was the catalyst that he and I needed to get it ALL out in the open and really make some firm decisions on how to really handle it, kwim? Not just apply some lipstick and rouge to “make it better for now.”

Rob’s Wife… I don’t even plan to communicate with her about the weather. No need to waste my time with anything on her and my DH knows that. When he returns and she calls, I won’t answer the phone but just hand it to him (if I get to the phone first).

Anyway… thanks again for all the prayers. I still don’t feel good for having to cut off a family member, but it’s like someone said- she’s cancerous. So it had to be done. So thanks!! :thumbsup:


#11

I have a kinda similiar situation in my home with a couple of relatives. My brother is getting married Oct 7 and we will not be going since he is IMHO unstable and not over the death of his first wife. The other reason is because he is not getting married in the church, which he knows very well is important. My oldest son (19 yo) is going out for the wedding against my wishes, but most of my family thinks I am a horrible person for my stance on this. In fact, they think it is because he refused to come to my wedding last year (he had a dentist appointment 3 days before) but truly, it is about his terrible abusive temper and his lack of sacramental marriage in this case.

I had to get to the point where I didn’t care who said what about me and my decision. My own mother isn’t speaking to me because of it, but I know it is the right decision for my family, especially the children. My job as a mother is to protect my kids at any cost, even when the threat comes from my own family.

I will pray that you don’t go through the total alienation I am going through, but then again, it is nice not to have to worry about what is being said about you behind your back!!!


#12

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.