I’m a 23 year old female who has a strong desire in my heart to marry and have a family. That desire is becoming stronger since I now have friends who are engaged. I see couples who have a seemingly perfect relationship and I can’t help but want it for myself. I have gone through so many disappointments when it comes to dating. During the past year, I think I have been searching way too hard trying to find the right one and need to slow it down. The most recent was a guy I met on a retreat and we went out for a brief period of time. I immediately saw things about him that would have been a problem in a relationship so we ended things. I am disappointed because he was a good godly man who was into the faith, but we were incompatible in other ways. I really need patience in knowing if God wills me to be married, it will happen in His timing. Not mine.
Pray for patience and keep busy, go to places where good Catholic guys can be found…the Diocesan Young Adult offerings, and any parish near a college or a Newman Center.
23 is still pretty young. I know it doesn’t seem like it when many of your friends are getting married. But really, better to wait for the just right person than marry someone who is not ready. Good luck, and be assured of our prayers.
Pray to be transformed into the type of woman who will attract the type of man you want to marry. (Hope this is not too forward of me to suggest).
Good luck on your journey.
Praying to the Holy Spirit to give you guidance & direction in your time of need.
I see couples who have a seemingly perfect relationship and I can’t help but want it for myself.
“Seemingly perfect” are some key words in that sentence. Tell Jesus you abandon it into his hands everyday you get up and go to bed. And detach yourself from what you want as best you can and want whatever God wants for you. When it still hurts, offer it as a sacrifice to Him.
Also, I’ve heard many pray for their future spouse. That might be an idea.
Girl, you are not alone! I am 22 and the only one of my friends not engaged or on the verge of it yet. I just think the reason I haven’t found the one (and maybe why you haven’t either) is simply that God wants me to work on myself right now; maybe He wants me to get closer to Him first, or improve myself, or learn to love myself and the person He made me fully before allowing a guy to distract from that mission.
Patience is hard, but good things come to those who wait. Or, at least I hope that saying is true!
Very wise words! I think I’m living proof of what you said right now. Over 30 and just entered into my first serious relationship with a wonderful man who loves the faith and with whom I click so well. I’ve watched nearly all of my classmates get married or engaged over the years. There were plenty of times where I was very down about everything, and I didn’t know if I would ever find someone. I dated several guys and nothing ever worked out. I never felt compatible with them and I knew I never wanted to settle. I do believe God wanted me to improve myself and work on strengthening my faith. So to anyone reading, I hope my story helps - please don’t give up. God’s timing is so much better than our plans.
I think there are so many young people in the same boat as you.
May I recommend a very thoughtful and valuable resource? It’s a book written by a former minister who is also a PhD in Family Counseling. The original title was “How To Avoid Marrying A Jerk” but in the updated edition he’s changed the title slightly, to “How To Avoid Falling In Love With A Jerk”. It’s a bit self-helpy, but it is actually a classic in this particular area and I believe every church should have a reading group for young people to read this book.
There is also an accompanying website that expands upon the ideas in the book, and around which ideas the author has built a time-tested program for teaching people to make good marriage choices. He’s taught classes to the military and in churches all over the country.
The book is not written from a religious perspective, but a common sense one where you use your mind to make good decisions without forgetting your passions and desires but integrating them into your decision to best effect. If you put the teachings of your Catholic faith together with the ideas in this book you are going to be smarter with regard to dating and marriage than 99% of young people out there and probably end up very happy in your marriage. Good luck!
How To Avoid Falling In Love With A Jerk
(The Foolproof Way To Follow Your Heart Without Losing Your Mind)
The website is called “Love Thinks”
I found a CD by Dr. Kim Hahn called “Dating and Courtship” that has a lot of practical, scriptural advice for every stage of relationship from single to marriage. I’ve probably listened to it a dozen and a half times already.