Need Prayer - Failing Marriage


#1

Please pray for me and my husband. We are going to marriage counseling for the first time on Monday. We have only been married for 15 months, and have devolved to a point where we both admitted to each other that there have been times that we've both wanted to leave. I am pretty sure his main problem with me is that I'm too demanding (although he never tells me what is bothering him). I ask too much of him. I will admit that he is stressed with school and hours he puts in as a volunteer with the fire department. But, I also know that he sits around most days in the morning and just watches TV all day long. As for my situation, I work to support both of us while he is going back to school and then I have to come home and tidy up. I know we both have been selfish in the past, but since we had this admittance, I am willing to do whatever it takes to keep him in this marriage. I will be his slave if that's what it takes. And, hope that some day, he will realize that he is being unfair. I am a person that needs lists and order in my life. I would be ok if we set up some kind of list AND STUCK TO IT. But, when we do put a list together for things to get done around the house, his first priority is NEVER to start on the list. It's always to "relax". And, he will procrastinate and then, something will not get done. I am very motivated to get my work done with the belief that if you get it done early (and do the best you can), then if there's time at the end of the day for relaxation. There's no better feeling to me than going to bed knowing that you've done your job well.

I know there might be other things going on in his mind as well. I know he constantly lies and hides things from me. He lost my trust a couple weeks ago when he lied to me when I noticed multiple types of beer in the fridge. He had people over and lied to me multiple times on who was here. And, I know this isn't the only time that he's lied. He continuously lies to me because he thinks it's ok to do so if it will avoid a fight. His response at the "party" lie was that he took a path and it backfired. And, he knows that I've lost most of the trust I have once placed in him. And, before you say it, I know I am wrong in doing so, but I had no other way of knowing how bad things were between us. I read his e-mails. I asked him yesterday if his sister knows about the situation already knowing that they e-mail back and forth, and he lied and said she didn't. After the "party" lie, I told him that I thought it was in appropriate for him to be hanging out with single girls and having them over and being over their houses. And, I know that he e-mails back and forth with party plans with at least one of them.

Yes, I plan to get into all these areas when we go to counseling, but please, knowing my specific situation, please pray for us. I WANT THIS TO WORK. But, he doesn't see that there is any way for it to happen. He is going into it with a negative attitude and I am afraid that it'll be a self-fulfilling prophesy.

I want to thank everyone for their prayers and continued support. This is not the first time I have posted with marital issues, but hopefully, next time I will have good news. I feel like there's nowhere else for me to turn as an individual. I feel like a complete failure.


#2

Hello, prayers for you.

I am a guy, and the one thing that sticks out at me in your post is this: If he watches TV all the time and can't control himself with the partying AND he still feels stressed out all the time, this could be a sign of depression. Only a professional therapist would be able to diagnose him for sure.

When I was depressed, I behaved very much the same way. A depressed person literally can't handle the work it takes to maintain a marriage, because their brain is not working in a normal way. I certainly hope he is not depressed and that this can be worked out on your own, but I really recommend he goes and gets checked out.

If you want to help him do this, I recommend taking a "concerned wife" approach--tell him you are concerned that he seems to be feeling sad all the time, and you want him to feel better. Yes, I realize that you feel pretty awful yourself, and you do have the right to tell him so--but first, show him your concern about him. For these sensitive issues, it is important not to come across as a nag--you don't sound like a nag to me, but to a depressed guy, almost ANYTHING sounds like a nag. You know him best, but this is my recommendation given what little I know about you. Prayers!

Chris


#3

Love him unconditionally. Forgive the lies just like God forgives us. Show him what true love is. It is not easy, but the modeling you do will help him to see the light. Oh, most importantly - pray a lot. Pray, pray and pray again.


#4

Praying for you.


#5

Praying for you, your husband and your marriage.


#6

You are not a failure. You are a human being, the Word of God. In the present moment I realize this and find Joy and companionship with my wife through Grace. Our marriage is no longer a battlefield within and without, leading to disappointment, resentment and ultimately an end. In the present moment I also realize I have a choice: Do I stay with my wife, or do I walk away? I choose to stay. Christ help me stay in the present moment. Help me abide in Thee.


#7

I will pray for you.
If it helps, this sounds a great deal like my husband and I when we were first married (and for many years afterwards). We’ve both been in therapy, and there has been so much improvement. While marriage is difficult and we definitely have our rocky periods, we’re certainly past the point where our marriage is in danger of failing.


#8

Our prayer goes to both of you.Have you seen the movie FIREPROOF? its not catholic, but may be you can relate somehow.


#9

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