I know I am quickly wearing out my welcome here , but I really could use some more prayers. Our marriage is going great, stronger than ever. And I think someone (ie satan…my archenemy:rolleyes:) realizes this. So he’s hitting me where I’m weakest. My infertility. I’m having horrible temptations to seek an annulment so I could get remarried and try having children with someone else. (I know, right? :() I feel like God is mad at me for marrying my husband (because he’s protestant) or that I chose the wrong man or that I would not be infertile in another situation. I feel like having kids inside a 2nd marriage would be more pleasing to God than staying in my current very infertile marriage. (I know, right? :rolleyes:) I’m trying to fight these thoughts best I can but I feel like God himself is asking me of this. To make matters worse, as some of you know, I have OCD, so things are out of control here in my head with these thoughts. Anyways, just begging for prayers. I know I ask a lot, but I just am needy I guess. Thank you to all who pray for me, your prayers really do help me make it another day on my way of the cross. :hug3:
Praying for you in this moment...
Prolifewife - my heart goes out to you! I am so sorry that you are hurting right now. Offering up a prayer for you right this minute...:gopray::hug1:
I’m not sure the Church will consider infertility as a valid casue for annulment. anyway I will be praying for you!!! Try doing novenas! Have you gone to doctors??? My mother had a problem in having a baby but she tried lots of things, went to the doctor, took lots of vitamins and gave birth to me after 8 years of trying!!
Oh my goodness! Thank you all for replying so quickly with prayers. I can't thank you enough. :hug3:
Mayita--as for your question, no I am not seeing a doctor at this time. They suspect I have endometriosis (which is one of the hardest to treat fertility disorders. :() and I am not wanting to get the surgery to find out due to my other health issues.
prolifewife, maybe you should sit down and make a list of all the positive things about your husband then keep that somewhere close so that when you have these doubts you can pull out your list and remind yourself of why you’re with your husband.
Have you thought about seeing another doctor for a second opinon on surgery? Maybe there’s a milder treatment that can be tried as an intermediary step. Or maybe they can prep your body to get ready for a surgery? (Note: I don’t know what your condition is, how long you’ve had it, or what you’ve done/not done to treat it so take this with a grain of salt!)
I guess something else to think of is what if you did get the annulment, and then met some Catholic guy, and then after marrying him found out that you/he still had infertility problems? You would have given up an awesome guy and would still have the same current problems.
My thoughts and prayers are with you!
That’s just the thing, the only two “issues” I have with him is that he’s protestant and that together we can’t have children. That’s absolutely it! I promise. Everything else is great. Some reason my OCD has zoned in on these two issues to the point where I think God is trying to say something.
[quote=takers]Have you thought about seeing another doctor for a second opinon on surgery? Maybe there’s a milder treatment that can be tried as an intermediary step. Or maybe they can prep your body to get ready for a surgery? (Note: I don’t know what your condition is, how long you’ve had it, or what you’ve done/not done to treat it so take this with a grain of salt!)
I have a lot of health problems. The only two treatments for Endo are hormones and surgery. Neither of which I can do right now, maybe ever. But thank you so much for your encouragement. :hug1:
[quote=takers]I guess something else to think of is what if you did get the annulment, and then met some Catholic guy, and then after marrying him found out that you/he still had infertility problems? You would have given up an awesome guy and would still have the same current problems.
Yes this thought has crossed my mind more than once. It seems almost definite I have infertility issues, he hasn’t even been tested. This could totally be my problem. And I don’t want another husband, I want the one I have. It’s just this darned OCD makes me think that God wants differently. And I can’t have peace until it leaves.
[quote=takers] My thoughts and prayers are with you!
Thank you SOOOO much. You have no idea how much they mean to me. :hug3:
Are you familiar with the creighton model of fertility ?
My prayers are with you today, tomorrow and as long as you need them.
I know the sympto thermal method of NFP. It didn’t work at all to help TTC. But we have learned a great deal from it.
Thank you so very much! :hug3:
Have you thought about having him tested? Maybe it’s not just the endo that’s causing problems, maybe something on his end is a little off and by fixing his side it might give the two of you a better chance at conceiving? :shrug:
Are you being treated for your OCD? If so, you should speak with your practitioner about the current flare-up. If not, maybe consider it.
Yeah, it might, but he doesn’t really seem to want to. He wants to adopt instead. Which I’m fine with, but it takes so long and we’ve already failed twice privately. We haven’t tried an agency yet, don’t have the money due to my health care costs.
Yes, I am, no worries there. I see a psychiatrist monthly and a counselor weekly. They already know about this. I’m on meds too and all that.
Do look into the Creighton method, as another poster said. I am using it, and I am in the process of figuring out some of my issues, including possible endometriosis. They have done so much study on women’s health and fertility that most western medicine doesn’t recognize, because it’s just not “profitable”. The doctors that practice NaproTechnology (which is connected to the Creighton Medthod) have different methods of surgery for endo which are supposed to be much more successful and effective. And I think the method is easier than sympto-thermal.
Also, if your problem really is endometriosis, leaving your wonderful husband for someone else will not fix it! Being infertile does not make God angry at you, so long as you are OPEN to life. Don’t leave your man, THAT would surely be displeasing to God.
My daughter has OCD and her thoughts are a constant battle for her. God isn't telling you these things, your OCD is. Do you see a counselor for your OCD? Praying for you. :hug1:
Oh, prolifewife, I’m praying hard for you!
Honestly, it sounds like the devil is just attacking you and putting irrational thoughts in your head. Hon, an annulment isn’t even possible if the only issues are infertility and the fact that your hubby is not Catholic. Don’t even entertain these thoughts. Pray for your DH and thank God for the wonderful gift He has given you in your husband!
Also, I’ve posted about it a lot on here, but when you feel ready and have some of your other issues under control, please do seek out Creighton Model instruction and a NaProTechnology doctor. I just went thru the laparoscopy to remove endometriosis and it’s really not that bad. I was terrified about what the results were going to be, and they ended up being better than expected. And it’s an outpatient procedure, so I was home from the hospital that same day and feeling like myself again within a week (actually, probably more like 4-5 days). There are still some lingering things and 100% recovery can take a few weeks, but it is SO worth it to be treating your infertility. I have read success stories of SO many women who have been healed through NaProTechnology and who have successfully conceived–or who have been led down that path and ended up at adoption. There is great reason for hope.
From reading your posts, let me say this…Probably a lot of the reason that your infertility can be so painful is that you feel like there are no steps to treat it that you can take–there is no hope. But there is. God has a plan for you. It’s honest to admit that healing from medical problems might not be in His plan, but then again it’s denying His grace and His providence to say that it is out of the question entirely. All I keep saying in my own struggle is that God is preparing us to be ready for the children He decides to send, however He decides to send them. The pain of surgery, the difficulty TTC, everything together has made our marriage stronger and has helped us grow in faith. As one of my friends who also had difficulty TTC (and who now is pregnant, praise God!) reminded me, so many of the women of the Bible or saints who struggled with infertility became the parents of very “special” people–John the Baptist and Mary come to mind!
I guess I’m just saying all this to tell you that there IS hope. With God there is always hope! He has a plan for you and your husband and your marriage. :hug1:
Have you considered that maybe God is waiting for your health to improve and your OCD to be treated and behind you, BEFORE he sends you a baby? Babies a great, but require your full attention, and health distractions will force you to choose and deal with one or the other. and that would not be fair to the baby or you.
People without OCD do the same thing you are doing.
They look at the other “option” they had way back when, and decide what “would have” happened if they had chosen that other option.
For you, it looks like you would have chosen a Catholic husband, you would have had children, but you also would have enjoyed the same kind of marriage and other successes with that life that you have now. How do you know that is so? What if your theoretical Catholic husband fell away from the faith? What if he cheated? What if, what if, what if? You don’t know…
I have a friend that did that with her college career. If I had gone to X school instead of this one, I would have had a higher paying job, in the city I wanted, blah, blah, blah. That might not be true, she just as well may have flunked out.
Some of our school families do that with our current principal. Some think she should be ousted because she’s been, well, “fragile” for a few years for personal reasons. She’s made some mistakes. Someone else would be better with the new families, be able to retain students more successfully, be able to manage the school financially. But they assume the new principal will be all that and everything our current principal is. Will the new principal be just as faith filled? That’s a big one, I always say, be careful of what you’re trading for. What if the new principal cancels all the school Masses? What if the new principal decides the school needs to be more welcoming to the Lutherans and stops saying the rosary? We cannot assume they’ll have all our current principal’s assets and then some.
So when you play out the situation in your mind, be fair to yourself. Play it out not so pretty the next time, because that’s what it could have been, as well.
I have absolutely no experience with OCD so hopefully I haven’t caused a problem by writing this…