Need prayers, husband may be depressed


#1

First off I apologize for not being able to make a long story short.

During the summer I posted about our marital saga… dh wanted out of the marriage, lived with another woman for seven weeks, after my begging and pleading and breaking down so often- he decided to come home and try to make things work.

We’re not arguers he doesn’t have one of those external type personalities, not sure exactly what it’s called… We’ve been married for 16 years and have three wonderful teenagers. He’s a pretty good dad, hard worker and for the most part a wonderful husband… he just gets clammed up inside himself sometimes… Thursday he said … after I broke down into a major bawling episode, that he wasn’t “happy” doesn’t know exactly what it is, the whole thing of it’s not you it’s me… he cried too, admitted that he has talke on the phone to the “other woman” but they haven’t been seeing each other. (she’s ick as far as I’m concerned, she’s slept with several other married men in her life, and then picked up mine, knowing full well he was married and had kids)

So anyway looking back on all of this I wonder if he doesn’t have depression. I have boughts of it and this is what scares me. I have on occasion gotten so low as to think what I would do if I had to live life without him… don’t want to get into details, because I hate myself for going in that direction of thought. (btw 19 months ago my brother hung himself, he’d been battling depression for years and his wife was leaving and taking their two kids with her with another man )

I love my dh soooo much and he is a wonderful person, he can’t understand why I would want to keep holding on to him through all of this… I’m just lost and don’t know what to do to make it through the hard days.

J


#2

I will pray for you. God bless!


#3

Thank you, our family is really in need of them.

J


#4

I’m sorry you are going through this, you and your family are in my prayers. Ask God to bring your husband closer to him and help him get out of the things that are pulling him down. God wants what is best for us!


#5

I will most definitely pray for you.

I might suggest that the two of you or at least him see a psychologist or marriage counselor. It’s not uncommon to come to a point in your life (women, too) when you look back and realize that things have not turned out as you dreamed in your youth. For some people, the first reaction is to change spouses eventhough that is the farthest thing from the real problem.


#6

Did your husband forget he was married and had kids?
I am sorry you are dealing with this. I will pray for you.

Kathy


#7

he did say he would go to a marriage counselor with me… but he also probably has his mind made up, he says he’s tried for a long time and just feels like he’s hit a wall and can’t get past it. he’s not “in love” with me anymore… what I can’t get through his head is leaving is going to mess things up for the family… things aren’t going to be better for anyone but himself.


#8

I think going to the counselor - preferably a good Catholic counselor - will open his eyes. The “in love” thing is such a cop-out. Love is an action…not just an often fleeting emotion. Being “in love” is a nice romantic notion, but our sex-obsessed society has made it the be-all and end-all, when plugging away, day to day, even after years of marriage, is what counts.

Please seek counseling and get everything on the table. I will be praying for you and your husband and family.


#9

I am looking for something… but I want to be careful and find someone who believes in saving marriages.


#10

I’m sorry for your troubles. I have been where you are now.

I cannot recommend this highly enough. It could save your marriage. Go to a Retrouvaille weekend.

retrouvaille.org/

This isn’t some feel good seminar. This is work. Hard work.

They have a tremendous record of success. Even people who have divorced have been reconciled.

It saved my 17 year marriage.

God bless you.


#11

my heart breaks for you. I think some of the others have offered very good advice. Depression genuinely has as strong hold on folks. I don’t know where I would be in my life without the unconditional love of a dw. Please stay strong. Your family is in my prayers.


#12

Today I’m feeling peaceful. I am sad to be losing someone so dear to me, but I’m going to be ok I guess. Some days I’m sure will be harder than others. But I know if I grovel, cling, and clutch on to him it probably won’t make things better. I’ll just be here for him if he comes to his senses. I pray that he finds out sooner rather than later that he is making a mistake. Three teenagers? and he thinks they’ll be ok with it. I wish I could be so optomistic. I will do whatever I can to protect them from whatever is to come.

Thank you all for your prayers! I’m feeling them. I do understand that God is answering my prayer his way, and I’m trying my best to accept it. :slight_smile:

J


#13

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