First off I apologize for not being able to make a long story short.
During the summer I posted about our marital saga… dh wanted out of the marriage, lived with another woman for seven weeks, after my begging and pleading and breaking down so often- he decided to come home and try to make things work.
We’re not arguers he doesn’t have one of those external type personalities, not sure exactly what it’s called… We’ve been married for 16 years and have three wonderful teenagers. He’s a pretty good dad, hard worker and for the most part a wonderful husband… he just gets clammed up inside himself sometimes… Thursday he said … after I broke down into a major bawling episode, that he wasn’t “happy” doesn’t know exactly what it is, the whole thing of it’s not you it’s me… he cried too, admitted that he has talke on the phone to the “other woman” but they haven’t been seeing each other. (she’s ick as far as I’m concerned, she’s slept with several other married men in her life, and then picked up mine, knowing full well he was married and had kids)
So anyway looking back on all of this I wonder if he doesn’t have depression. I have boughts of it and this is what scares me. I have on occasion gotten so low as to think what I would do if I had to live life without him… don’t want to get into details, because I hate myself for going in that direction of thought. (btw 19 months ago my brother hung himself, he’d been battling depression for years and his wife was leaving and taking their two kids with her with another man )
I love my dh soooo much and he is a wonderful person, he can’t understand why I would want to keep holding on to him through all of this… I’m just lost and don’t know what to do to make it through the hard days.