hello, my names beth and i’m new to this forum, i’ve been here once before a while ago but i don’t remember my username so here we go again …
i have a bit of a problem and i don’t know where to turn to, this is largely a problem based around religion so i figured this was the best place. i’m a little, uneducated, about the bible and such though, so please forgive me.
when i was thirteen i was largely influenced by celebrities such as guy sebastian, who went public saying he’d made a decision to wait for sex until marriage. until then i’d never heard of such a decision, i kind of just assumed people did wait i guess. my parents brought it up and i was told my mother didn’t wait but my father did, and when i was sixteen, based on the influence of my parents and of like minded celebrities, i prayed to God making a promise that i too would wait. my family isn’t largely religious, i think my parents were being more so over protective over there little girl more than anything.
this hasn’t really been a problem until a year and a half ago, when i met my boyfriend. he was raised catholic, went to a catholic school and all, but has sort of fallen away from religion in recent years. he was absolutely fine with my decision, but as expected, it caused a bit of tension.
within recent weeks it’s become an issue, especially the past few days. also, about two weeks ago i found out my parents did not wait, i was under the impression from my dad that they both waited until marriage (with each other, regardless of my mum’s past) but she let it slip that this was not the case at all. i feel a bit cheated on, because i based such a huge decision largely on that. anyway, it’s become an issue. i don’t talk to my parents about it because it’s an awkward topic, i actually see a psychiatrist but again, i felt awkward speaking about such things and the last time i saw him i didn’t know how serious this was. and i don’t go to church, because my family aren’t overly religious, in fact i’m probably the one who looks up most to God in my family.
i’m scared that this is going to pull me and my boyfriend apart and i’m petrified of that happening. i know some of you may think because he has different beliefs to me maybe he’s not the right person for me, but i don’t believe that. he is a very good person, i know that other boys would have had a problem from the beginning and would pressure or force me into such things, and i know that God sees the goodness in him and doesn’t judge him for normal boyish feelings. honestly i believe he is the one for me, regardless of what anyone else might say, i know i sound like every other teenager out there but i do know that he makes me happy and is very good to me, and is everything i want in the person i want to spend my life with. perhaps i should mention that he hasn’t exactly waited, his ex pressured him into it earlier on and being young and perhaps not having the right kind of support he gave in. i don’t want that to tarnish anyone’s opinion of him but perhaps thats important to the story.
as mentioned before i see a therapist, within the past year i’ve suffered depression and anxiety and am finally managing to take control again, and this is largely due to the support and help of my boyfriend. although i know if something were to happen between us i would probably sink back down again and without him it would be near impossible to break free once more. i don’t really have many other friends, they all left when i became ‘unwell’, he is the only one who stuck beside me outside my family, so i’m pretty screwed if we break up, haha
so there are all the problems. while i’m glad i made a decision to wait i feel as if it was very wrongly influenced, i feel that my parents were acting out on their anxieties about me growing up as opposed to giving me advice and letting me choose my own way. obviously i don’t want to give up my promise, as much as i know that he’s the one for me i also know that God’s love is much stronger and He will be there always. also i don’t think i could live with the guilt for the rest of my life, so basically, i’m not about to give it up. however as mentioned about the depression before, i’d much rather feel guilt about wanting to give up than feel severe depression and suicidal feelings. i don’t know how to make things easier for my boyfriend, or what to say to him, he doesn’t want a religious opinion on this which is understandable because he’s not a religious person.
i guess no one can really give me much advice, because i already know i can’t break my promise, i guess i’m more so looking for some support which i don’t know where else to turn to. i hope you guys can help. i’m sorry if i don’t seem like a good enough catholic or if i’ve said something wrong here or something that’s offended anyone. i just need someone to help and say that i’m doing the right thing, because it’s very hard to believe only myself when all my peers tell me to cave in. everyone else i’ve known that has planned to wait for marriage gave in as soon as they came under any pressure like this, a part of me wants to because thats all i’ve been taught and it’s a lot harder because of that, but i know it’s not right.
all in all i believe in the power of love and i know that if we get over this rough patch we would have the most wonderful life together, i just hope that somehow we can get through this time. any suggestions?
thank you so much for your time, i know that was a lot to read and i’m very very greatful!