Need some advice

Hello Catholic Answers,

It has been some while since I last posted on here. In regards to my last posting, I was in a relationship that did not work too well and so here I am now. The relationship wasn’t beneficial to my spiritual life and I found myself through careful prayer and discernment called to date holier women. Not saying that the other girl wasn’t holy, but her holiness wasn’t challenging/leading me to holiness.

I am now interested in a girl whose holiness has sparked an interest in me. She has a lively and exciting zeal for the faith in her that brings it out in me as well. As I grew in prayer, providence enabled me to have goals and paths that were similar to hers… So I am in pursuit of this girl.

My dilemma is - I no longer see this girl regularly - she has gone away for the summer from school - and I want to inform her of my interest in her. Seeing as she knew my ex rather well, would it be a good idea to inform this girl of my interest in her or would telling her endanger her emotional chastity… If I feel I’m called to pursue her, but would the right thing be to tell her? Or has this time of being single enabled me to improve on my self mastery.

I don’t want to make things easier for myself by telling her - I want to do what is right but I am not seeing the picture here…

rb26dett said:

“…and I want to inform her of my interest in her.”


Wait until you are in a position to see her, and then invite her out for a real date and see what happens.

You don’t want to say, “I LIKE you,” and she says, “I just want to be friends,” before you’ve even asked her out once.

Be patient.

What is “emotional chastity”, and how would you be endangering it?

You need to consider that if this woman is interested in you she will likely need to choose between you and her friend (her ex). Personally, I don’t think I ever would have dated any of my friends’ ex-boyfriends unless we were no longer friends.

Are you good enough friends with this woman that you expect to keep in touch over the summer? Or are you not that close? Either way, I’d probably wait to tell her in person, if you are going to.

No, you do not “inform her” of your interest in her, you show her. But not until you are face to face.

Expressing your interest with words when you don’t even know if she has any interest in you may just scare her away.

Text her, talk with her via Facebook. Show an interest in what she is doing this summer. Use the time apart to learn more about her mind.

And then, when school starts up again, ask her out for coffee to gauge your emotional “chemistry” before asking her out on a date.


Unless you’re a celebrity, NEVER tell a girl you like her off the cuff!

You need to interact with her first. If you just dump that you like her on her, it won’t go well. She’ll probably be surprised and women just don’t like that.

The likely knee-jerk reaction. :yup:

Inspiration — yes. And it’s good to have a girl who continually motivates you to get better. But your spiritual guide or leader or driving force is not a role for your girl to play.

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