Need some Catholics opinions


Hi all:

I’m new here. I needed to talk about my life situation and just don’t feel comfortable enough to go to my local church.

I am a 42 year old single mom. I have two children from two failed, long term relationships. Both my girls dads are very much a part of their lives. My oldest is 11 and my 5 year old’s father has been a part of my oldests life since she was a little over 2 years.

I will not even go into how I ended up pregnant the second time because I don’t want to come across as making excuses
for blaming her father, but when I did find out I was pregnant the second time, I had pretty much decided the best thing for her was to put her up for adoption. I did not want to bring another child into world out of wed lock. In the end, the father, my family and friends talked me out of it. Both my girls are happy and healthy now, but to this day, I’m not sure I made the right decision. I always have my kids best interest at heart…always… I am a career person. I do not date anymore (I will not confuse my kids anymore than they are already are by introducing yet another male figure into their life). There are no step mother’s in either of their lives. My life consists of working and taking care of my children…which is just fine with me.

I was brought up Catholic. I went to a Catholic school for 9 years. I now feel that I am not worthy to attend my local church. I feel like a sort of hypocrite and I certainly don’t feel welcome. I admit I am ashamed. Do I have the right to attend church? My 11 year old has a wonderful relationship with her father…they go to church every Sunday and we both teach her about God and Jesus as our savior, but not necessariy via the Catholic religion.

Any thoughts or suggestions would be much appreciated.


absolutely you are welcome in your local parish church, or any Catholic church for that matter, in fact, this church was made for you, fits like a glove.

if you are looking for a church full of perfect people who never made a mistake, never made a wrong choice, never did the right thing for the wrong reason, never sinned, however, keep walking, the Catholic church is not for you. We are not the church of the perfect people, we are the church for sinners. If you are or ever have been a sinner, are a recovering sinner, or do pretty well staying away from sin most of the time but realize you may be liable to lapse now and then, come on in, that describes most Catholics. Except the saints, and they are in heaven, very rarely encountered in your average parish.

If you have something you need to confess, go to confession and have that peace Christ has promised us and return to Mass, communion and the other sacraments.

how wise and lucky you are to make sure the fathers of your children are part of their lives.

If you feel like you don’t know enough about the Catholic church teaching and practices, enroll your children in parish religious education, and attend the classes they offer for parents and catechists, then start helping with their classes. One of the best ways to learn. You will also perhaps be surprised, or relieved, to discover the parents of many other children in the program also are valiantly and courageously raising their children in less than ideal circumstances, and building strong Catholic families just the same.


Lilitalia, We are all sinners and God’s mercy is bigger than any sin that we can commit. I urge you to go to start attending Mass and go to confession as soon as you can. Also, your daughter needs to know the true Faith and I encourage you to bring her with you. May God bless you this day.


Our Lord Jesus Christ is eagerly awaiting you there! “They that are well have no need of a physician, but they that are sick. For I came not to call the just, but sinners.” (Mark ii, 17)

In Jesus’s time, there was an influential group among the Jews, that of the Pharisees, who in public often made great case of their piety; the publicans, who were tax collectors, were seen by the Jews as traitors and iniquitous enemies. Hear what Jesus had to say:

“And to some who trusted in themselves as just, and despised others, he spoke also this parable: Two men went up into the temple to pray: the one a Pharisee, and the other a publican. The Pharisee standing, prayed thus with himself: O God, I give thee thanks that I am not as the rest of men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, as also is this publican. I fast twice in a week: I give tithes of all that I possess. And the publican, standing afar off, would not so much as lift up his eyes towards heaven; but struck his breast, saying: O God, be merciful to me a sinner. I say to you, this man went down into his house justified rather than the other: because every one that exalteth himself, shall be humbled: and he that humbleth himself, shall be exalted.” (Luke xviii, 9–14)

In Jesus Christ, God was made man, and died the most gruesome death on the Cross out of love for you, for the remission of your sins. “It is I; be not afraid.” (John vi, 20)

Go to your local Catholic church, and put your life in the hands of Our Lord, Who is present in the Blessed Sacrament reserved in the tabernacle. Tell him what is on your heart! How God rejoices when one of His children comes back to Him (Luke xv, 7)! Do not be afraid to speak to the priest, who is there to serve you, and answer your questions; through him, Jesus Christ will, when you are ready, relieve you of the burden of your past sins in the sacrament of penance.

Be assured of my prayers, and may God bless you abundantly!



I’ll let you in on a little secret, L. We’re all hypocrites. None of us are worthy.

Remember what we say during Mass: “Lord, I am not worthy, but only say the word, and I shall be healed”.

Go. You’re worthy in the eyes of the Almighty. Why else would he have sent Jesus to die for you?



Of course you’re welcome in Church! Remember Jesus’ words when He was criticized for socializing with prostitutes and tax collecters? “They that are well have no need of a physician, but they that are sick. For I came not to call the just, but sinners.”

We’re all sinners. One of the most awesome facts of our faith is the fact that the very first pope denied Jesus three times while He was being betrayed – but went on to lead the Church after the Resurrection.

None of us is worthy to approach Jesus; but He welcomes us all the same. That’s the grace He gives us. It’s wonderful to behold.

Please come home!


Church is for scum like Christians :slight_smile: - not for good people like atheists. Church is there because it is needed - it’s not a reward for “being good”. :eek: The sooner all Christians forget this rubbish - and it is rubbish - about going to Church being a sign of respectability or goodness or uprightness, :frowning: the better. Jesus came as Saviour,** not** because we are good, but because we are scum. :slight_smile: Salvation is for scum, for us - not for good people. Only the wicked can be saved: the holy & righteous need no Saviour. And the Church is a means of furthering this salvation.

You feel unworthy ? Then you are just the person who should go :slight_smile:


Wow: I am overcome with emotion to the replys I’ve received. I expected more than one negative post. I certainly didn’t expect all very positive and encouraging replys. Thank you!

Starting this Good Friday, I will attend mass with my kids and hold my head up. If I get snears from some of the congregation that know my personal situation, I will try not to let it get to me.

To play my own devil’s advocate (pardon the pun), I can see the point that some people make about embracing my “type” of family and how by doing that, we are encouraging that sort of family and losing the “traditional” family unit. If they embrace all sinners…whether it be myself having children out of wed lock, prostitutes, murderers, etc., isn’t that saying: “Go ahead and sin, your always welcome here”

AND are there worse sins than others? Where am I on that scale? Is homosexuality worse? Are murderers worse? Are adulterers worse?


Lilitalia -

Get over the notion that you wonder how your sin “measures” with others.
All people have sinned.

There is never a Mass on Good Friday although there are services on Good Friday.
Since it’s now Holy Week, there are many opportunities to go to confession.
Sacrament of Penance now called Sacrament of Reconciliation.)
Start there, and then filled with grace, you can receive the Holy Eucharist on Easter.


Honey, I wish you were at my parish - then I could glare at anyone who DARED suggest you not be there. Which, honestly - I doubt anyone will.

What do you mean, “your type” of family?! Are you sorry for your sins? Well, that’s all that matters. Children are always a blessing and a gift, no matter how they get here.

DH joined the church, and I came back, during our engagement. We were living together; we were getting married soon and there was really no feasible way to get out of the situation. Father welcomed us back anyway. Now I feel terrible that we lived together - and glad that there were people willing to overlook our sin and bring us home. Now we’re happily married, using NFP, and honestly pretty conservative Catholics - which, two years ago, if you had said that, I would have laughed. All was forgiven; that’s why we have a savior!

And the previous poster was right - don’t worry about where you stand with regards to others’ sins. Jesus wants you to worry about you. Go to Confession so you can receive Him with love at the Easter Vigil! I’ll be praying for you :).


No one can judge the state of anyone’s soul but his own. Of course you are welcome at church. You are the person whom Jesus anxiously awaits.


As many have already pointed out we are all sinners and fall short of the glory of God. Christ always reaches out to us to confess our sins with true remorse and then to accept His forgiveness.

Judas and Peter are perhaps the first two Christians to commit mortal sins. Both men denied Christ. Judas betrayed Christ and sold Him out to the Sanhedrin. Peter, who Christ called The Rock upon whom He would build His Church, denied Jesus three times out of fear for his life.

Judas later repented for what he had done and tried to give the money back. But he was personally unable to approach God for forgiveness and to forgive himself. He ended up committing suicide and probably ended up in eternal damnation (I don’t believe the Church has ever officially said he went to hell…but it seems a safe bet).

Peter, on the other hand, was able to seek God’s forgiveness and to forgive himself. He went on to become the rock of the early Church that Jesus foresaw him becoming.

The lesson here is that God and His Church will always welcome back and forgive a repentant sinner. Many of the early Church Fathers and Saints led colorful, and sinful, lives until they “got right” with God.

God is calling you back to the Church. If you were drowning and someone offered you a hand to pull you out of the water you would grab it. God is reaching out His hand to you now. Grab it and come on back to the Church.:thumbsup:


You chose life for your babies and it sounds like you are donating your life to raising them well and unselfishly looking out for their well-being. I hope you and your daughters deepen your relationship with God through the Church and also find many new friends and opportunities there! :slight_smile:

God bless!


You are SOOOOOOO Welcome in the Catholic church. If anyone looks at you askance, then remember “You Chose Life!!!” That is (or should be) heroic in all Catholic’s eyes. Please come to confession and come back to us. Our Lord will welcome you with open and joyous arms. We all fall flat on our faces with sin, but the Lord always welcomes us back because none of us are worthy.

Let your daughters know the beauty of our faith, and how you can have a very personal relationship with Jesus Himself through the Eucharist. I made a mistake with my oldest in not giving him the depth of my Catholic faith because I was trying to respect his father’s faith too much. I really did him a disservice that I am now trying to correct. You can only do your best and then let the Holy Spirit work the rest of the way. I will pray for you in your journey. WELCOME HOME!


The Catholic Church welcome everybody. God loves your regardless. Big deal that you made mistakes. As long as you confess your sins and come to terms with the discisons that you have made you start your journey on the right path. I am not saying that is all you need. You are always welcome to ask questions and we are always glad to help. I think no less of you and if there is anything I can do to help you get on the path to salvation and Christ I would be honored. I too have made mistakes that were bad, but I have come to grips with them and I am prepared to help those overcome theirs.



Nothing that I say is going to be new or original, but I think you might benefit from an additional positive response to strengthen you.

God knows exactly what you have been through, even though none of us have. That you chose life for both of your children, despite the adverse conditions you were facing, is in and of itself a courageous act. Any person who would judge you, well…pray for them. It is easy to judge others, we all have done it.

More importantly though, yes, the Church does recognize that a father and mother is the God-given way to raise a family. And having sex outside of marriage was indeed wrong. However, as the other posters have said, all you must do is have a true sorrow for your sins and firm resolution to avoid them in the future, and confess them in Reconciliation and you are in great shape! A priest once told me when I was having doubts about whether or not God was really forgiving me in the Sacrament of Penance: “Once you walk out of the confessional, the angels sing because you are considered a saint on earth!” It is truly amazing how God has blessed us with the Church!

Please know that I will be praying for you and your re-discovery of the faith.


Most folks should not be the least bit concerned about your past. They need to pay attention to their own failures. BUT in every crowd there may be a few self rightgeous, holier than thou, into everyone elses business types. I haven’t seen any lately, but they are out there. The big thing is, don’t let the turkeys get you down. Just do the best you can and move on. No one can change their past.

It’s great that you want to get back to the Church. Welcome home.


I just want to thank everyone for their prayers and advice. It really has been a tremendous help.

I need to find the right parish. The one I am affiliated with right now has not been a smooth integration. Right off the bat, when I called to get my daughter baptized, the nun I talked to to was very scarcastic to me when I mentioned I wasn’t married. Her tone totally changed after she found that out. AND then when I told her I wanted my brother to be godfather, but he belonged to a Pantecostal church, she was less than inviting. I never did get her baptized after that telephone call.

Thanks again!


As a matter of policy, godfathers DO have to be practicing Catholics. They are responsible for guiding your child in the practice of the CATHOLIC faith. It would be tough or impossible for a non-Catholic godparent to do so. I think you will find that to be the case no matter which parish you turn to.



I have to agree that you have lived a life that was selfish and reckless and not as a Catholic is taught to live. Your decisions have not been for your children so much as for yourself. You know as well as I do that the decisions you made to keep your children were out of guilt that you know you would have suffered with later if you had given them up for adoption. Always wondering if they would want to know their mom and their dad. Knowing that they may end out in a terrible home. Maybe even a pedophile.

Now you seem to be in a life that is leaving you and your children alone. No man to be a father and no man to be a husband. But this is what society today embraces and excuses. All for the sake of self centeredness.

The answer, as always, is to take ourself out of the center and place God there. We are not to be of the world but in it. We are called to be children of God! So that we are all bothers and sisters with the same mother and the same father.

You are doing yourself and your children a great injustice in not attending church. You especially need to seek forgiveness and repentance. Receive the Eucharist again in a state of Grace. Open yourself to God and His graces. Let the Holy Spirit heal you and protect your children. And pray.

By being afraid to go see a priest and confess your sins you are still thinking more of yourself and the fears that always accompany such things. Be humble and call a Catholic church in your area and schedule an appointment with a priest for confession. Get your kids involved in the Catechism and get yourself involved in the Catechism. Know what Divine Mercy is and say that prayer.

Now is the time to start anew. When you ask for God’s forgiveness with a repentant heart God will not only forgive your sins but forget them as well.

  • I ahve not read all the posts but this one. I pray you have already met with a priest and started your new life with God.

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