Okay…so recently, I discover that my husband has been talking to a few women that he has kept in contact with since training. I don’t mind that he has female friends, but I’ve found some very racy comments sent to his cell phone and ones he’s replied to with equally racy comments. He once told me he was going to one of these girls barrack’s rooms to do his laundry. He called me a few times while they were in the room “watching movies,” but a few times I called, he didn’t answer his cell phone. He used the movies as an excuse…(which I really can’t say because they could have been watching movies). I’ve confronted him with some of the evidence I’ve found out, and he insists that it isn’t anything serious, I have nothing to worry about, and most of the time he says he is joking and that what is said is intended as a joke. I’ve told him that how he talks to these women is unacceptable and that he needs to honor our marriage and me by not doing these sorts of things. He recently recieved a cell phone message from one such girl that says, “Don’t worry, I didn’t name and names.” I don’t like the fact that there are such secrets between them, and it’s driving me crazy that I don’t know the truth. I do not yell and scream and act crazy. I always sit down with him and tell him what I know, but he shuts down and won’t talk to me.
-Then last week, I intercepted an instant message conversation between him and a very old (and promiscuous) high school friend whom I was very close to. There were a lot of comments made about sex, and them having sex together and watching pornographic movies. I also confronted him with this, and he responded by asking me if I really believe he would actually do something with her, and the old excuse, “I was joking.”
I have no idea what to do. My heart has told me to trust him, and I will honor our marriage no matter what comes between us, but I don’t know how to get him to be honest with me. I am not an unintelligent person, he knows this. And my heart tells me there is more he is not telling me. He is very stubborn, and even counselling hasn’t worked. I’ve asked him if there is anything in our relationship he is missing that he looks elsewhere for, and he says that our marriage is wonderful. If I knew the truth, and he admitted and apologized, I could move on, and we could work on my being able to trust him again as long as he stopped this behavior. I confronted my ex-friend by email, and told her what I had read and that I didn’t appreciate it. Since then, she has not contacted him, although he sent a message to HER apologizing. I’ve since debated on whether or not I should ask these other women if anything has happened between themselves and my husband, at the risk of them not being honest with me as well. I have become a snooping, jealous wife, intent on finding the truth. My faith tells me to honor my husband and trust that he is being truthful with me, but all the evidence tells me otherwise. I am at my wits end, and although I go on with my daily life, these incidents are at the fore-front of my mind all the time. Am I crazy for believing these excuses? Should I talk to the other women involved (as a mature adult, of course), let it go? What? I don’t know what to do anymore. He consistently breaks the promises he makes. I’ve obviously let him get away with all this so far, and please don’t tell me to leave him, because I’m in a tight financial situation and am in a place where I have no support system right now. I don’t plan on letting my husband destroy our family with sex talk, but I need to know just how much I can trust him…
I’m sorry this is so long…I’m just a mess right now. Please give me some ideas.