Need some Guidance plz


#1

Good Morning, this is my first post in this forum, i am trying to figure out what i should do about the situation my brothers’ family is currently in.

My brother and his wife have 3 wonderful children who are well behaved and have been actively involved in Catholicism throughout their lives and currently attend Catholic school. My brother is a good person and has been technically married for nearly 18 years. His wife has been working her way up the Catholic church from teaching Cathechism and Sunday School and currently works for the Church. They both took vows in a Catholic Ceremony in a Catholic church and to my knowledge my brother was active within that church as well.
Roughly 5 years ago she banished him from the house over a money issue and he has been forbidden by her from entering the house ever since. He has had sleep apnea and had some depression issues from it, which have since been treated and the only depression issue he has now is that his family is in the midst of being torn apart.
He is a good person and does what he can for his kids.
He tried to resolve the issues in his marriage with counselling, to which she did not want any part in and he has even gone so far as to seek counselling within the church to no avail.
Within the past year she has been seen coming and going from another man’s house and slept over at this man’s house on Valentines Day 2009. My brother watched her leave the house the next morning as he was curious to wonder what in fact she has been doing with this other man. He waited all night to confirm what he saw. She told him they did not have sex, which he said she was obviously lying.
She is now seeking a legal separation in a community that does not have a Catholic church, most likely so she does not have anyone question her.
I have this inner turmoil within that is just giving me sleepless nights because she has been questioned by her children and has given them run-around answers. I know that ultimately her judgement will be with God, but how can she teach Sacraments when she is abusing her own religion.
My brother has repeatedly emailed the church and met with his Archbishop who will no longer return his emails or phone calls. I am absolutely stunned that she has been blatantly lying to her children, church, God and herself.
Does anyone have any suggestions or avenues i can take?


#2

Chrizai - I know that you want to make sure that this woman does not preach something she does not practice. It is frustrating to see hypocrites who live their life one way and yet still teach with authority. However, I think this matter is ultimately between her and God. It is also up to her to work out her personal situation with the Church she works at. It is an HR matter for the Church to work out. I know that you probably don’t want to hear this but I think you should stay out of the situation from this point on.


#3

Well an HR matter is one thing, but when someone is hiding this and does not bring it to light and is severely hurting someone else that i care about, does this not become an issue beyond the HR at the Church? if they were hurting themselves then yes HR should handle it, ubt when they are affecting others and their own chidren as well then does it not become an issue of greater importance?


#4

You say she is working for the Church. Do you mean the parish is her place of employment? If so then does the pastor know of her apparent infidelity? Has he approached her about this and the apparent inconsistency in her work as a catechist? There does need to be some intervention as regards this issue.

The other issue is her damaged relationship with her husband. If she refuses to participate in joint counseling then there doesn’t appear to be much anyone else can do, as frustrating as it is. She must want to participate in order to heal the relationship. This will also imply that her current affair must at some point end.

Their marriage will be in my prayers.


#5

As difficult as it must be for your brother, maybe he needs to keep his distance. Waiting outside someone’s house all night and calling up the Archbishop so much that he no longer returns your calls don’t sound like particularly healthy behaviours, and they can’t be helping his depression any.

I’m not saying that justifies what his wife is doing, but it’s important not to lose control over your own moral conduct in these situations, as that’s the only thing you can really control.


#6

I think he needed to confirm the fact that she was actually spending the night with this man, i mean to sleep over at his residence on Valentices Day is fairly suspicious behaviour and to have slept the night on several occasions when you live less than 2 miles away from each other, the whole “i was too tired to drive” scenario is out the window.
Yes she actually works for the Archdioscese and yes there have been complaints filed and letters written and no action has been taken.
She has been unwilling to repair or mend her marriage and has taken a very firm stand that she does not want to be with my brother. She said she would like to remain “separated” and not divorce, it is my understanding that any actions with another man regardless of separation or marriage is still considered adultery. She has hired a lawyer at this point and is still seeing this man. When a family friend spotted them and walked up to her to talk to them…the man walked away briskly like he never met her.

Now the problem i have is this. Would you trust this person as a Catechetics coordinator?
My brother is in no means stalking her, but put yourself in his shoes for a minute, she is committing adultery with another man, she is breaking the sanctity of their marriage to which he has honored the vows.

What would you do?


#7

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.