Need some thoughts on this


***I am curious what people think of this since its been on my mind all day today.

Earlier, I met with my priest friend (known each other for 7 years–we are good friends) just to say hi and see how he has been doing. We contact each other via email almost every other week about happenings (i initiate it most of the time). He is not in the same parish as I anymore and it has been that way for over 2 years.

Last weekend, I emailed him saying that I got engaged and at first he seemed excited for me (via the email). Today, when I saw him since he was visiting my parish to preside a funeral, my engagement was brought up by another priest and my priest friend did not seem too happy (his mood changed from all smiling to bothered…in a way). He seemed like he tried to dismiss it in a way by trying to get into another subject. He was just acting very awkward then made some weird comment in front of other priests saying, “the things we miss out on when we are living a celibate life” . Not sure if he was joking or not, but he did not really laugh about it from what it seemed. There was this “awkwardness” in the air when he said that…everyone just was silent and when that happened people excused themselves from the group.

He never acted like this before and it just seems like he is not happy at the fact that I am engaged. I told him how I want him to do my wedding and he did not really say anything. Then later on email, he seemed just fine. It was really weird…It’s like when I bring up the engagement, he seems a little dismissed from the conversation and when it is not brought up, he acts like himself.

I would like for him to do my wedding, since he’s been there for me since I was 16 and it would mean a lot to me. (I am now 23–getting married hopefully in 2 years).

What are your thoughts on this? Why do you think he acted the way he did when I saw him?

Thanks in advance for your thoughts! :)***


Why don't you ask him?

It's nearly impossible for someone here to give any kind of reasoned response to this. We do not know you or him or your friends or his friends or his heart or your heart......

If this really and truly bothers you after a couple of weeks, then ask him about it. Don't spend a lot of time in useless speculation about what he might have thought or felt or whatever....



I agree with JRKH - it could just be something as simple as maybe he knows that your friendship with him will change and that maybe he is having his own "dark night of the soul" depending on long he has been at his parish maybe he has not had a chance to make new friendships or close ones compared to your seven year long one.


You have to remember that the priest is human and is a man.

It is two years since he left your parish, so he has had time to form judicious contacts and friendships in his own parish. There, and amongst them, is where God has placed him.

Emailing about every week isn’t possibly the best idea. If he values your emails it give him a possible attachment where detachment is best.
You would be kinder and wiser to email less frequently. Easter and Christmas might be best considering the situation.

One of the costs of accepting a call to the priesthood is that friendships with women should be handled very judiciously, and vice versa. His comment about celibacy does give a clue to something of his feelings. To say that and with gloom, was a giveaway, particularly given his discomfort.
Don’t feel bad about this, it’s part of his journey and of the commitment he gave God, to deal with this.

You could ask him to preside over your marriage. Under the circumstances it might be thoughtless not to, but if he is at all hesitant, don’t press the issue.


Thanks for your thoughts. :) I shall pray about it and if it still bothers me after a few weeks I shall ask him about it.


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