[quote="JohnnyK, post:1, topic:218265"]
I would like to know your thoughts on handling a situation. My non catholic 15 year old daughter believes she is gay. I do not believe as such, as we have never seen any inclination towards a same sex attraction in her. She started thinking this way, I believe, when she was hanging around with a "friend" who was apparently gay. This friendship has long ended. My wife thinks I am in denial, while I believe she is too young to come to a conclusion as to her sexuality now, as she is alittle immature emotionally and easily led by others. I think the outside influences have clouded her judgment as to who she may be, although I suspect during the teen years we don't fully know ourselves.
As a parent, how would you handle this? My heart is breaking and I want to deal with this in a loving manner, but also to try to help her to ID who she truly is and do my best to get her back on a path that leads to heaven. My wife is not much help as she is blinded by the mores of society (she is also non-Cathoilic (Jewish), and thinks pretty much all is ok.
Any thoughts would be appreciated, especially from those Catholic parents who may have gone through this before.
Hey man. Hope I can help you here. :)
You say you think she is too young to know; but by the time you were 15 didn't you know you were straight?
I know by the time I was 15 I knew I was gay. Once someone hits puberty; they know. Sexual orientation is not something that changes with age, it's something we are born with that is awakened at puberty.
There is not always an inclination to a same sex attraction before puberty; but that does not mean that someone is not gay. It's also very possible that your daughter is bisexual, if you have noticed an inclination to opposite sex attraction.
You say that the friendship that she had with that person is why you believe that she says she is gay. However you also state that she is no longer friends with this person. That would lead me to believe she is not trying to appease her friend. Why would she be saying she's something she's not; if she no longer has any contact with this friend? There's no reason for her to do that.
What is a very likely situation is that your daughter is gay or at least bi and she first came out to her gay friend because she was sure there would be no rejection. Coming out is an extremely hard thing to do to families even if your family is extremely supportive.
To me you do sound like you are in a state of denial especially with the comments about her being immature emotionally and easily led by others. True someone may be influenced by a friend, but that usually does not go as strongly as changing a sexual orientation. That same way you would not be influenced to change your sexual orientation no matter how young or influential you were. And if by some unbelievably extreme case you were; you certainly would not continue that way once your friendship with that person was over. You would go back to who you were before that friend; if they were the reason you changed your sexual orientation.
It is very important that you show your daughter both love and acceptance of her orientation. I'm not saying you have to approve of her dating someone of the same gender, just accept her for who she is as a person. If you continue to refuse to believe her, you may destroy the relationship you have with her. You could also damage her emotionally if you don't believe her. Aside from disowning her as your daughter, there is no worse thing you could do then to refuse to believe her when she opens up her most vulnerable part to you.