Please pray I can find faith and the ability to trust God and His will. Things aren’t going well in my life. My mother just died Friday and as of Wednesday, my husband learned he will be out of a job soon.
The situation with my mother is a blessing in some ways. She was suffering; I’m glad she no longer has to endure the pain. At the same time, I am very conflicted with her dying. She had become so nasty, so difficult in the latter years of her life. She did and said many hurtful things. I regret and feel guilty knowing that I probably won’t miss her very much.
My mother gave me my Catholic faith. Sometimes, though, I’m not sure I believe it so much as I follow it out of fear. I’m an adult and am responsible for what I believe. I do recognize that. The problem is, I was raised with God as some cosmic bully out to crush anyone who didn’t follow Church teaching to the letter. Intellectually, this is ridiculous. I know that. In my heart, though, I’m still so afraid.
Anyway, please pray I can grow to have better, more positive feelings about my Mom now that she’s gone. Please also pray I can find a way to believe in God and His will as my husband prepares his job search.
Thank you and God Bless.