Need Urgent Prayers. Paternal Grandmother has threatened legal action


#1

I need prayers quick that no matter what my son stays in the custody of someone who stable and loving and responsible. Today my child’s father (who just barely became involved with his son’s life on Christmas day) asked if I could drop our son off over at his mom’s house. Of course I felt that it was an unreasonable request because my son is only 2 months old and my ex has no idea how to take care of a baby. Anyway, while I was away from home, my ex and his mother showed up at my house. His mother has stated that she is going to take me to court to sue for custody. She believes she has evidence to prove that me and parents (i live with my parents) are psychologically unstable or unfit to be raising a child.

I am so upset because if it wasn’t for ME, she wouldn’t have any idea that she HAD a grandson because her own son wouldn’t even tell her. Whatever, either way, this is a ridiculous situation.

I picked the worse time to not be in the best relationship with our Lord and Savior so please also pray that He have Mercy on me.

Jesus, I just want to do what is right. I just want to carry out the Father’s Will. Please have mercy on me and those who are against me.


#2

[quote="jenlovesyu, post:1, topic:182495"]
I need prayers quick that no matter what my son stays in the custody of someone who stable and loving and responsible. Today my child's father (who just barely became involved with his son's life on Christmas day) asked if I could drop our son off over at his mom's house. Of course I felt that it was an unreasonable request because my son is only 2 months old and my ex has no idea how to take care of a baby. Anyway, while I was away from home, my ex and his mother showed up at my house. His mother has stated that she is going to take me to court to sue for custody. She believes she has evidence to prove that me and parents (i live with my parents) are psychologically unstable or unfit to be raising a child.

I am so upset because if it wasn't for ME, she wouldn't have any idea that she HAD a grandson because her own son wouldn't even tell her. Whatever, either way, this is a ridiculous situation.

I picked the worse time to not be in the best relationship with our Lord and Savior so please also pray that He have Mercy on me.

Jesus, I just want to do what is right. I just want to carry out the Father's Will. Please have mercy on me and those who are against me.

[/quote]

What "evidence" does she think she has? If anyone sounds psychologically unstable, it is this woman, who not only failed to raise her son to be a responsible adult but is throwing tantrums and behaving like a child herself.

If I were you, I would consult a lawyer to make sure that any action you take with respect to her will not look bad in court should it get there. It's really hard to imagine a paternal grandmother having any kind of claim to custody over the mother. Are there women's organizations where you live who might provide help to you free of charge?

I would say start looking. Be very polite and kind in any interaction with her, even if you don't feel it just fake it in case she is recording conversations/trying to gather her "evidence."


#3

[quote="jenlovesyu, post:1, topic:182495"]
I need prayers quick that no matter what my son stays in the custody of someone who stable and loving and responsible. Today my child's father (who just barely became involved with his son's life on Christmas day) asked if I could drop our son off over at his mom's house. Of course I felt that it was an unreasonable request because my son is only 2 months old and my ex has no idea how to take care of a baby. Anyway, while I was away from home, my ex and his mother showed up at my house. His mother has stated that she is going to take me to court to sue for custody. She believes she has evidence to prove that me and parents (i live with my parents) are psychologically unstable or unfit to be raising a child.

I am so upset because if it wasn't for ME, she wouldn't have any idea that she HAD a grandson because her own son wouldn't even tell her. Whatever, either way, this is a ridiculous situation.

I picked the worse time to not be in the best relationship with our Lord and Savior so please also pray that He have Mercy on me.

Jesus, I just want to do what is right. I just want to carry out the Father's Will. Please have mercy on me and those who are against me.

[/quote]

Saying they have evidence and actually having evidence are two seperate things. getting evidence that someone is psychologically unstable is very difficult. I think they are trying to bluff you. Get in first and gain sole custody.

What flyingfish wrote about staying cool, calm and collected is very important. Should you get dragged into arguments and lose your cool, they will scream "unstable".


#4

Stay calm. It is incredibly hard for anyone to take custody from the natural mother. Also, being as you are not married to the father, (in most states) it will be much harder for him. Does he pay child support? The court is unlikely to grant grandparents any custody or even visitation.

Secondly, just continue to be the best mom to your daughter that you can be. Get a lawyer (you can find one to work for a sliding scale), and have him and his mother direct all communication through the lawyer.

You still need to put your child first. Don’t get stressed, and don’t under any circumstances loose your cool with them. If they show up unannounced, ask them to leave and call the police if they won’t. But for your son you must be calm and never loose your cool.

Pray, for everyone involved.


#5

Praying. :gopray:

St. Joseph, pray for us!


#6

Also, start documenting everything she does as in writing down an account of any such event. While your memory is fresh, sit down and write down what happened when she threatened you and came to your house.

Write down your past interaction with the father, how he ignored the baby, how much he contributed financially. Do you have friends who were with you while you were pregnant and he was out of the picture, reference them if you can.

Maybe this kind of thing is overkill, but it’s better to do than not. Talk to your parents about the importance of not arguing with her.


#7

Yes, remain calm. How threatened you must feel! Document everything but don't enter into any sort of confrontation with them if at all possible.

Psalm 37 is a good meditation for trials like these, it begins with "Fret not yourself because of the wicked, be not envious of wrongdoers...For they will soon fade like the grass and wither like the green herb."

Focus on being as good a mommy as you can. Threatening words are not from God.

...and by the way, claiming someone is "psychologically unstable" is a claim against mothers used in probably oh, 99% of custody issues (a bit of an exaggeration but those such phrases are sooooo overused it's ridiculous).

Will pray for you and your baby.

God bless.


#8

I am incredibly grateful for all of your help. If anyone has any more advice it very much appreciated.

The evidence that she has is basically her word against mine. Paternity isn’t even established yet.

I’m trying to relax. Everything just happened so suddenly today. I’ve never dealt with this kinda thing before. I just want what’s best for my son. That’s all.

I’m definitely seeking legal counsel asap. And hopefully my counselor will be able to vouch for me that I’m not as psychotic as they claim I am.

Thank you Sarah, that is a very helpful scripture. Thank you all again for your help.

St Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle. Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him we humbly pray. And do Thou, O Prince of the Heavenly Host, cast into hell Satan and all the evil spirits who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.


#9

I'll be praying for you as well. But also keep in mind..grandparents have no rights. And if no paternity has been established within a court of law..this man I'm pretty sure has no rights yet either. I know that here in FL if one is unmarried and the father's name is on the birth certificate it still doesn't mean much until paternity has been legally established. So try not to worry.

Oops! I see you're already there! God Bless


#10

Thank you Lainey. Yeah in my state, even if my son's father's name was on the birth certificate, he would still have to go through the courts to gain any custody of our child since we are not married.

I really appreciate the advice to stay calm. I don't think that there is anything to be afraid of unless I lose my cool. :blush:

God bless


#11

[quote="jenlovesyu, post:10, topic:182495"]
Thank you Lainey. Yeah in my state, even if my son's father's name was on the birth certificate, he would still have to go through the courts to gain any custody of our child since we are not married.

I really appreciate the advice to stay calm. I don't think that there is anything to be afraid of unless I lose my cool. :blush:

God bless

[/quote]

What kind of a person is his mother otherwise? Do you know much about her? What she does for a living?

I'm just curious what kind of person doesn't have the intelligence to realize that threatening the mother of a child is not a great way to get a visit with your grandson.


#12

[quote="flyingfish, post:11, topic:182495"]
What kind of a person is his mother otherwise? Do you know much about her? What she does for a living?

I'm just curious what kind of person doesn't have the intelligence to realize that threatening the mother of a child is not a great way to get a visit with your grandson.

[/quote]

Someone who is scared she will never get to see her grandchild. Trust me, this kind of thing happens all the time.


#13

Flyingfish- Based on what she has told me about herself in the past, based on the way she has treated her own children, and based on the things her son has told me about her, I am not surprised that she would behave this way. I am trying to be understanding because I think she has a lot of hurt inside. But, well you know, it doesn’t give her the right to treat me like this.

She didn’t really have a need to be afraid of not seeing her grandchild. I had invited her to be involved in the first place even though I didn’t have to. They were quite welcome to come and visit him at my house when it was conveinent. Even yesterday I offered to bring my son over there and visit but I guess they wanted him there alone. Oh well. :shrug:


#14

I was thinking the same thing. Stupid move on her part.

She sounds sooooooooo much like my MIL it’s not even funny. Went through the same drama with my first baby…not to the extent of MIL demanding custody or anything like that. But DH and I were seperated at the time and of course MIL HAD to have her visitation without me present. I will never forget the day DH came and picked up my barely 3 month old BREASTFEEDING baby to take to visit his mother because she wouldn’t quit harping on him. I cried and cried uncontrollably. Looking back, I should have told him no.

She should have treated me better. End result is DH and I reconciled, DH saw right through her and she has hardly any relationship with my children…her doing, not mine.

Bottom line, document everything. Keep your calm, don’t argue or get in the middle of a confrontation. Get a lawyer. Now.


#15

jen,

as others have said, in most states, grandparents have no or few legal rights if their child isn’t a ***married ***parent.

her son may eventually have a case for visitation but the woman has no case for custody.

consult a lawyer. the lawyer will probably tell you to stay away from these people or to, at best, allow supervised visitation. supervised by you and a non-family member if possible. (i used to provide this service for the courts. you can find someone for free.)

let them petition the courts to establish paternity. let the burden of a case be on them. he’ll get another girlfriend and they’ll disappear.

mostly, jen, pray for protection and for peace. God wants you to care for your baby in peace. ask HIM for protection and peace.


#16

MIL HAD to have her visitation without me present. I will never forget the day DH came and picked up my barely 3 month old BREASTFEEDING baby to take to visit his mother because she wouldn’t quit harping on him. I cried and cried uncontrollably. Looking back, I should have told him no.

and the courts would have backed you up. because of the american academy of pediatrics statements on breastfeeding, breastfeeding relationship is fairly respected in custody disputes.

(jen, if you breastfeed, these people can forget it.)


#17

masondoggy, I’m so sorry you had to go through that :frowning:
I am glad that you and your husband reconciled though
Thanks for your kind words. :slight_smile:

Sigh, it’s too bad when people try and cause problems for others (whether intentionally or unintentionally). Is it really that hard to just be civil?

I am waiting for a lawyer to call me back so I can schedule a time to go and discuss the matter :thumbsup:

My mom and I have already been talking about it and she suggested if my child’s father or any of his family request to visit the child that I should decline and wait for the courts to figure it out. If it gets that far that is…

Breastfeeding has not yet been established and I say yet because I just visited a lactation consultant last week and she suggested I use breastshields. So far it seems like it is going to work :smiley:

Otherwise I have been solely using a breastpump so my baby has been getting expressed breastmilk. I still have to pump in the middle of the night though. I hope that still counts…

Thank you all again, God bless.


#18

This might be a good idea with respect to the mother who threatened you, but if the father wants to be involved in the child’s life I don’t think it is right for you to stop him. It’s not fair to the child either.

But I completely understand why you wouldn’t want to leave him alone with the baby.


#19

jen,

if the courts got involved, this IS important:

Breastfeeding has not yet been established and I say yet because I just visited a lactation consultant last week and she suggested I use breastshields. So far it seems like it is going to work

nobody should take a baby who’s struggling to learn to breastfeed away from the mother’s presence. Even if you had NO other reason, this is good enough, “sorry. we’re trying to establish breastfeeding.”

but you do have other reason. you’ve been threatened with the loss of your baby.

i agree with flyingfish and with your mom. dad can come to visit at YOUR house. grandma can’t. she’s a threat. even if dad can’t drive himself (or whatever limitations he has where he needs his mother’s constant presence) grandma can’t visit for now.

she threatened to take your baby away from you.


#20

Ok so here’s an update (Thanks be to God:o)

My child’s father called just a little bit ago and he explained that he wasn’t going to pursue legal action. He said he already talked to his mother about this and that he didn’t want to put our son through it.

So good news is that he doesn’t want things to escalate. The thing that bothered me though when we were talking on the phone was that he was trying to justify his and his mother’s actions and he was also trying to point fingers at me. But don’t worry, I kept my cool. I told him plainly that I felt disrespected by the way his mother behaved and that I am taking her threats very seriously. I told him I wanted to wait until things calm down and then that I was going to call him so we can arrange visitation. He said that his mom and sister wont be coming over to my house at all because they feel disrespected. Nothing I can do about that.

Yeah but now that I think about it Flyingfish and monicatholic, I should let my son’s father come see him soon. He wont be available until the weekend anyway but I will be sure to call him.

Sigh, I still feel like I should speak to the lawyer just to make sure you know?

Thank you and God bless :slight_smile:


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