Need your advice- gift or insult?


Just say thanks, and do what you want with the money.

Maybe keep in mind that being a widow with six small children may have been an incredibly hard thing. Perhaps she feels that you are really vulnerable - if so, she may not even realize where her fear comes from if she isn't that sensitive.


Don't be rude about it.

Accept the money and explain to her how good your life is, and how this money will enable you to get the kids a real treat.

Be positive. She sounds as if she had a very rough life. She may be genuinely worried your kids are starving. She may have let her kids starve out of her own pride and now is trying to "force" you no to do the same. Even though it's not the same at all.

Also, did you ever mention to a relative that you didn't have something you wanted? Or little Jimmy wanted to eat a certian food that you didn't have? Sometimes realitves get funny ideas based on a tiny thing said 10 years ago.


[quote="puzzleannie, post:17, topic:224095"]
she is an old lady
she is not going to change
you can do nothing to control her speech and actions
you have full control over your own reactions
your choice
a) regard it as a gift, say thank you, instruct your kids to write a thank you letter, and use the cash on their behalf in any way you see fit, or ask your kids what they would like to get in the way of food--restaurant visit, fast food gift cards, or even donate to local food pantry

b) choose to feel insulted with all the resentment and bad feeling that entails, including all its harmful physical and emotional effects on you (it won't bother her one bit, you will be the only one harmed if you choose b)


Yes. OP, this comes under the heading of something not to take seriously, like when you're selling platinum records and your grandmother still worries that you won't amount to anything because you're just a singer. She just doesn't get it, she's not going to, and you can live with that, because she's your grandma.

"Thank you, Grandma. I wish you'd change your mind about our ability to make our own choices, but I know you love us, and that's the main thing. No matter how much I feed the kids, nothing will taste as good as food coming from Grandma. Whether we go out to a restaurant or use the money for meals at home, I'll make sure it's something very special." Graciousness aimed at parents and grandparents is pleasing to God, and never wasted. You can live your own life without ever neglecting the honor they are due, even when they are so toxic that you can't have contact with them at all. What is required is that all contact you do have is the most civilized you ever show to another person, because the office God gave the person in your life.

As for the issue with the aunt, if anyone tries to pull that on you again, insist that they advise the person in question that you're willing to talk directly with anyone who has an issue to bring up with you, but that you don't communicate via rumor. There is simply too much lost in translation. Repeat, repeat, repeat, and don't put a lot of stock in anything that someone won't say to you in person. Indirect nonsense like that just makes trouble. Insist on being direct. You'll have more peace and people will recognize that they can trust you once they realize that you always say the same thing behind their backs that you say to their faces. You can't beat that.


If it were me, I'd just be nice and thank her for her very generous gift. She loves you and sometimes out of love, we get to nosey and say silly things. She probably has too much time to think and meddle in other people's lives.

I wouldn't let her get to you. She's just an old lady who thinks she's doing the right thing. Just give it to her.

I would say something like, "Thanks so much for your generous gift. Grandma, we really are ok financially, but I appreciate that you love us and care about us. We won't use the money to eat, since we already have that covered, but Johnny and Sally could really use some new clothes and hubby and I would love to go out on a romantic date. It is nice that you love us so much and thank you."

Just leave her alone. She is all caught up in her own jealousy, envy, fear, etc and she's just projecting it all onto you. Don't take it personally.

Love and peace.


[quote="baltobetsy, post:11, topic:224095"]
Dear Grandma,

Thank you so much for the generous gift to feed our children. Since our family is doing just fine and the children already eating well, we have made a donation in your name to the local food bank.

Happy New Year!



Great idea! Simple, to the point, and clear. :thumbsup:


[quote="Snugglebugmom, post:25, topic:224095"]
Great idea! Simple, to the point, and clear. :thumbsup:


I personally think that telling her you're donating the money is mean. the money is something she probably doesn't have a lot of and she gave it to you guys.

I think you should just thank her and let her know that you spent it on clothes for the kids or something.


[quote="Serap, post:26, topic:224095"]
I personally think that telling her you're donating the money is mean. the money is something she probably doesn't have a lot of and she gave it to you guys.

I think you should just thank her and let her know that you spent it on clothes for the kids or something.


I agree. That is sticking it to her in a vengeful way, "I took your money and gave it away! S-crew you Grandma!" Just use the money the way you wish to and write her a polite thank you note! What if it were someone who didn't know you well (Grandma really doesn't) and who had ulterior motives but you didn't know it? You'd just spend the money and say thank you, right? So treat yourself or your family (you never told us if it was $10 or $1,000) and let it go. She can think whatever she wants and it does you no harm in any case.


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