Need your prayers and advice

I’m in a horrible situation right now. I was in a relationship with a man for 2 years, and we were engaged and intended to marry. It was practically certain that we would marry. We made vows to each other, and I was so sure it would last forever. I love him with all my heart.

But very recently he left me, and now he is thinking of becoming a priest. I am completely heart broken. It’s been a few months since he left and today I spent the whole day crying and calling out his name. I prayed to God asking Him to kill me because I couldn’t stand the pain anymore. I still can’t. I think of dying a lot. The pain is literally unberable and it isn’t going away.

I don’t want to be alive anymore. Every moment is filled with unberable pain. When my faith is strong, I can barely hold on, but when I have doubts all I think about is dying.

I can’t imagine this ever getting better. I truly love him. I gave myself to him. I will love him until I die, and this pain will be here until I die or until he comes back to me, which I don’t think will happen.

I don’t really know why I’m writing this, because I can’t imagine anyone here being able to help me. But maybe…

In case any of you are worried about my life, I should say that I am seeing a psychiatrist and he knows about this. I am taking medication. My parents also know, and I would not actually kill myself.

I just want help to deal with this pain.

Reena,

I am so sorry for your pain. Please, accept across the wires of the Internet, this hug I have especially for you.

Know that as much as you loved this man, God loves you even more and wants that which is the absolute best for you. Sometimes, in our limited view, filtered through the lens of time, we are unable to see that which lies directly before us, only slightly out of our field of vision.

It is quite possible that God has the most amazing spouse waiting for you. Or, perhaps you are intended to live the single life so that you are free to do a work that requires your full commitment. Whatever it is, I pray that you will have the faith and patience to know that God loves you as only He can and your ultimate greatest happiness is always his desire.

I am so sorry for your pain. Please know that you are loved,

CARose

I’m so sorry for your pain and the sense of loss and disappointment you feel.

I’m glad to know you’re seeing a psychiatrist and being medicated for these overwhelming thoughts and feelings. Are you also receiving counseling? Talking about this will help.

My only other suggestion is that you get out and volunteer. When we do for others, our focus is not on our own pain but on the person we are serving. You may surprise yourself with how distracted you are by the people you meet and how good you feel for making a difference. It may also give you a bit of perspective.

There are so many opportunities-- a soup kitchen, reading to the blind, tutoring children in math or literacy, holding babies who are either abandoned or too sick to go home and need attention (in the hospital), visiting nursing homes, spending time as a young adult with the youth in your parish, mentoring a juvenile offender at your local shelter, visiting shut-ins, counseling at pro-life centers, manning a food pantry, befriending special needs’ adults, etc.

The possibilities are endless. In your own suffering, you have the compassion necessary to care for others who may feel hopeless or helpless at one time or another. Reach outside yourself and put the focus on others. It may truly help heal your heart!

Princess Abby gives excellent advice. Helping others is an excellent way of finding a sense of purpose when we are feeling down. Each of us has been given gifts from God and the best thing we can do is figure out how we can best serve others with them.

Good luck in your journey to refinding happiness. As you’ve no doubt heard, that which doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. Somehow you will become a better person through all this. It just might hurt a bit in the meantime.

God Bless again,

CARose

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