I’m in a horrible situation right now. I was in a relationship with a man for 2 years, and we were engaged and intended to marry. It was practically certain that we would marry. We made vows to each other, and I was so sure it would last forever. I love him with all my heart.
But very recently he left me, and now he is thinking of becoming a priest. I am completely heart broken. It’s been a few months since he left and today I spent the whole day crying and calling out his name. I prayed to God asking Him to kill me because I couldn’t stand the pain anymore. I still can’t. I think of dying a lot. The pain is literally unberable and it isn’t going away.
I don’t want to be alive anymore. Every moment is filled with unberable pain. When my faith is strong, I can barely hold on, but when I have doubts all I think about is dying.
I can’t imagine this ever getting better. I truly love him. I gave myself to him. I will love him until I die, and this pain will be here until I die or until he comes back to me, which I don’t think will happen.
I don’t really know why I’m writing this, because I can’t imagine anyone here being able to help me. But maybe…
In case any of you are worried about my life, I should say that I am seeing a psychiatrist and he knows about this. I am taking medication. My parents also know, and I would not actually kill myself.
I just want help to deal with this pain.