Needs Prayers/Advice


#1

Good Afternoon!

I'll try to be as concise as possible with my concerns.

My fiancé gave a daughter up for adoption years before I met him. This is something he does not talk about and it is a painful, painful subject. I believe he struggles greatly with his decision. I believe he did the right thing in giving her to a loving, stable, Christian family.

My daughter is his child's age. She was recently, coincidentally, messaged... by my fiancé's daughter! They have mutual friend, a little gal my daughter recently met at the church we visit. It was a "hey, looks like we have a lot in common" missive.

I am very excited about this. I believe strongly that, as a rabbi I knew once said to me, "With God there are no coincidences." I believe that all things happen for the best, even though we don't see them at the time.

As well, my fiancé and were quite surprised recently to find out that we are expecting. We really, really did not think this would happen. So... our daughters will have a sweet little sibling in common.

My man has been struggling with getting in touch with her parents just to feel out if she wants to see him or needs anything. I feel like my daughter and I have prayed and prayed about this, escpecially with the upcoming baby, and this may be how God chooses to let this play out. I have my own "daddy issues" and struggled with feeling abandoned. I just want this sweet little lady to be able to come to terms with her adoption and understand why her daddy chose to let her go. My daughter and I have let my guy know that, should she want a relationship, we will welcome her with open arms and love her as part of our family. Certainly we don't want to replace her loving parents that she has, please understand!

My daughter is over the moon. I gave her the advice to "forget that you know anything and proceed just as if you didn't know who the girl is." When it comes out, should it, my daughter plans to tell her, "I didn't feel it was my place to tell you." Also, mine may be going to the same high school this fall as his!

Please pray for the girl! I've been in similar shoes as she and I know how confusing/painful/angry, etc. this can be.

Thanks for listening!!!!

Cara :grouphug:


#2

Cara, I think this will continue on its path as so much has already fallen into place, and it seems, with God's merciful love.
Your fiancé had the love to want his baby to live and to have a good life, so there has been much love in all this.

I ask You our dear God to ensure that love continues to be in every aspect of the lives of this couple, the two girls, and the family who has loved and raised Cara's fiance's daughter. Let all happen according to Your merciful love and goodness.

God bless you all,
Trishie


#3

i'm a birth-grandmother. i'm thinking of my grandson's mom and dad-- the people who are raising him, loving him every minute of every day, teaching him the Faith and showing him life: this isnt your decision. it's not even your finace's decision. he chose adoption for his girl in a most loving, selfless, heroic act and gave the decision-making to adoptive parents.

the girl's parents need to know the proximity. if your fiance doesnt tell them, please get his permission to tell them. they need to know and they need to determine how to proceed. this is their decision.


#4

Wow - your fiance should tell her parents right away as it is their decision how to proceed as right now she may not even know she is adopted. Better she not have a double shock. Congratulations on your own blessings and know that God seems to have rewarded everyone for making the best out of rough situations years back.


#5

Welcome to CA forums!
I see you just joined a few days ago and are a Buddhist.

Blessings on your upcoming marriage and family!

Although I really don't have any advice for you, as I honestly don't know how to answer --- there have been some good advice already given --- you can surely count on my many prayers for your continued love for a lifetime of blessings for each other and your children. May you both be a blessing to all who come to know you. May you continue to seek truth, faith and peace throughout your life.

Blessings!


#6

Thank you all!

She knows she is adopted. She kept her mother's maiden name and has her mother's family on her Facebook.

I certainly don't want to do anything except help my own daughter get guidance in the situation.

I'm thinking the best course is that if the two strike up a friendship my guy needs to get in touch with her parents ASAP and gently let them know he is going to be her new friend's stepfather. This way they can talk to her. We certainly do not wish to overstep any bounds.

My poor honey is nervous and stressed out about this, and rightly so. She may be very angry with him or just not want to have a relationship with him. He is afraid if the girls become friends she will reject him.

I'm going to continue to pray about it. I'm not in a position to do anything else other than support my daughter. Thankfully she is level-headed and kind. She told me she will not say a word to any of the other teens about this. She feels, correctly, this is not her place and will cause trouble. She is going to be genuine in pursuing a friendship. She has looked at the girl's Facebook and feels like this is someone she would want to get to know.

Thank you all! I am appreciating the feedback and prayers so very much!!!

Cara


#7

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