Negative parents

My brother and I grew up as Catholics. My parents grew up in Mexico, my dad said he would go to church every day and on the weekends him and the boys in his family would spend the night at the church, praying. So then the next morning, they will attend mass. My mother went to a catholic school growing up. When I just ended the first grade and we had moved to a new area. Since this move, we stopped going to church. Then we stopped practicing the religion. I’m 23 now and went back to the church about 2 years ago and had my first communion and confirmation last year. My mother was very contradicting throughout my journey, telling me I don’t have follow the rules or have to think the same way as the church. She even says bad things about my friends and boyfriend. My father followed my mother, and his reason is that the people in the Catholic community don’t act like Catholics outside of church. My brother had a fallout as well, he married a catholic woman but not within the church. My brother would complain after attending mass. I’ve been praying for them day and night. Lately I feel a bit defeated as there have been arguments with my mother that hurt me and she believes that there more out there than what the church tells us and she doesn’t need to attend mass. Now I want to be married and start a family of my own as a Catholic. But I’m worried that my parents will influence my future children in a negative way. Lately I feel like pushing them away. How can I bring my family back to the church?

First: Stop looking to your family for religious and spiritual guidance! They’ve shown you already that they can’t be relied on. Read the Bible, the chatechism. Speak to a priest. You will have to before getting married, so why not now?

Make sure that you, and your fiance, will have enough money to live on, and begin to raise children on, before seriously considering marriage. Don’t end up relying on your mom for Child care or housing.

In short, make sure you’re grown up, before you get married. Many Young people like you have run away on romantic fantasies, only to regret them.

Grow up. God Bless!

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The awesome thing about being an adult is you get to marry and start your own life together, raise your children and choose the church of your choice. :slight_smile: Now - can you bring your family back to the church (as you stated above) - no. But they might end up following you and your husband in a couple years when they see how you are raising your (future) children and living your life.

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I should have been clearer before…there is no way you can make your family return to the church. However, you can be an example to them…especially once you are out of the house, married, and have Kids of your own!

That’s why I told you not to marry, until you and your husband can live on your own…without having to depend on them for finances, housing, Child care…anything. In worst case scenarios, you may have to stop allowing your Kids to visit them, without you being there.

Best case scenario
…your kids visit them during their sacrament preparation times. Then, voluntarily or not, your parents go over their own sacrament preparations while helping their grandkids. I know I’m rushing things, as it looks as if you aren’t even officially engaged yet, but, I like looking forward to happy, productive times!

You can’t make your family go back to mass. Nor is it your job to fix them in any way shape or form. I understand where you are coming from. I am Mexican American but my wife is born and raised in Mexico. She has such a big connection to her family and they have big enough problems that she actually considered never getting married and just living with her mom and dad forever so that she can help fix all her parents marriage problems and stuff.

Thank God she realized it’s not possible.

It might sound very bad to a lot of Latin people but if I had parents who started negatively influencing my kids against God or the religion they will grow up in, I would tell them that if they want to continue to see their grandkids they will stop. And it’s not up for discussion. Its disrespectful and adult kids, especially those married and living away from home, deserve respect.

That is really your only option. Besides praying for them and showing them that you do act like a Catholic outside of Mass.

Like stated already, it would be. Very good thing if when you get married you and your husband can live in your own household immediately and be completely self supporting otherwise your parents might feel like they should get a vote in things that they really should not get a vote in. Such as religious matters.

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