[quote="atran8400, post:1, topic:198347"]
So, I'm 25, starting a new career, been married for 12 days, and just found out my new wife is probably pregnant (pregnancy test had two strips!). Needless to say, I'm happy, scared, anxious, worried, all at once. To break it down, I'm overjoyed that our Lord has seen it fit to bless my wife and I with a child. I am scared, anxious, and worried however that I won't be a good husband/father, and also that I may not be able to provide. However, I praise God for another opportunity to entrust myself to his divine providence. Sounds schizophrenic? Well I sure feel like I am right now! Any advice? tips? comments?
FYI: I found out on May 13, 2010 (Our Lady of Faitma, pray for me!)
Congratulations. As a man whose child is 10 months old, I was where you are not that long ago.
The first thing to do is learn to accept God's will in your life. Parenthood is, I believe, one of God's ways of teaching us that we are not in control. The next nine months, God willing, will take an incredibly long time and fly by at the same time.
So here are some general thoughts...
The first three months are in some respects kind of rough. You are just starting the journey, your wife will probably have the worst of her 'morning sickness' during this time and its the period of highest risk for the Baby. Your job here is to be as supportive as possible. You two should also start deciding how you are going to prepare for delivery -- I know it seems early, but if you want to try some of the more advanced types of Natural Birthing, they take some time to learn.
The second trimester will probably be easier physically. The baby will really start looking like him/herself in the sonograms and it will be really cool when you can start feeling the baby move. If you haven't started getting the house ready for the baby, now is the time. If you are living in an older house, you might want to get the paint tested for lead.
The third trimester is kind of like the home stretch. Be ready to give lots of back massages (Not deep ones, but even a little bit can help make her more comfortable). Definitely try to get as much sleep as you can now.
Some general thoughts. Talking between you and your wife is really important. Find out what you do and don't want in terms of your pregnancy. In later pregnancy the OB might try to push scheduling an induction or pushing you to decide on an epidural. Basically, there are certain things that sometimes they have to do, and some things they like to do for convenience or their malpractice insurance. Try the learn the difference.
Oh another thought... we hired a dula to be there with us during the Birth. It was a great decision. She was not as emotionally involved as we were, so she could find out what we wanted and then serve as our advocate with the doctor and nurse. She also was great in coaching me to remember the stuff I needed to do during the birth and helped.
After birth.. coffee is your friend :). Try to do your best to help your wife get as much sleep as possible. If you can, try to save all your vacation and take it after the birth so your wife can have you there with her for a week or two after the baby is home. Probably for about two months, I would sleep in the Baby's room until about 2:00 AM and would only wake my wife up if the baby was really hungry (Early on this is actually pretty easy to determine because their head bobs back and forth as they look for the nipple). After 2, I would catch 4-5 proper hours of sleep (if I was lucky) before work.
Other general thoughts... its amazing what a long drive in a car will do to calm an upset baby and get them to sleep.
The only men who need to worry about not being a good father are the ones who don't :).
Trust in God, he will guide you.